Maintenance and mortgage questions after separation for an unmarried couple with children

[shoesize6]

Hello , I’m trying to be mediator between my son and his partner. They’ve been together for 11 yrs not very happily . They purchased a house together and within weeks she fell pregnant with first child . She decided she didn’t want to work anymore. My son has kept everything going but the relationship is quite toxic . 3 yrs ago child number 2 came along. My son is a good father and the children are his world . He’s left on several occasions but gone back because of the children. She drinks and has attacked my son on more than one occasion, that’s not to say my son is an angel as he too goes to the pub . 4 weeks ago it came to a head and he came home again to us and said he wanted to get out of the relationship. He has the children 3 times a week and every other weekend .
what we don’t know is legally what sort of maintenance he needs to pay and she’s saying he has to cover the mortgage as well . There’s no way he canmcover all of that and eventually move on . He wants the best for the children but she’s holding them as a bargaining chip by refusing him access and playing mind games . All I want is the kids to be safe and well kept ,which we as grandparents will help.
they are not married so not sure on rules about payments .
please help ! I’ve tried to navigate this and I’m getting screamed at by her and her family .

His child maintenance payments should be about 20% of his salary I think.

If it's his mortgage he has to pay it or if it's a joint mortgage they have to pay half each. No way round that really as it's money owed to the mortgage company not money he's giving his ex.

Anyone who can't pay their mortgage probably will end up selling their house.

Edited to add - maybe don't get involved in the financial side. Focus on the kids and put them first. The adults can look after themselves. Now is a crucial time for you if you want to sustain a good relationship with your grandkids going forwards.

The house almost certainly needs to be sold.

It will depend on whose name the mortgage is in surely? I’m guessing it is in his which means yes he does need to pay it and would likely need to sell it.

Don’t get involved. Everything is split 50/50 and he either has the kids 50% of the time or pays a fair amount of maintenance (not what the CSA says is acceptable 🙄)

I ment to say it’s a joint mortgage that he pays as she doesn’t work . Is he liable to pay all ? He’s asked her to sign papers to see if they can go onto interest only payments until it’s sorted but she’s refusing.

They will both be liable for payments if it’s a joint mortgage. I think he’s going to have to suggest selling and have a clean financial break. If she doesn’t want to do that then it can be taken to court to force a sale but this will be costly. They can both rent and she should be able to claim UC housing element to pay her rent. He will also need to get a rental unless he can afford to buy again. She can’t just refuse to pay and not get a job. If he just pays his half then the mortgage will go into arrears which will affect both of their credit ratings going forward which will affect getting a rental or new mortgage. They’re not married so she can’t claim on his pension etc.

Why on earth did they have a second child if things were rocky?

The problem is, the mortgage company won't accept half of the payments, they want it all. They really don't care if the couple have split up. They want it all. So someone has to pay it. The fair thing to do is to pay half each but if she is refusing too then he will have to pay it all. He has no choice unless he doesn't care about getting his credit wrecked.

But anyway, you've said he can't afford it so if thats the case then they obviously have to sell - i'm not sure what it is that you're trying to negotiate really (and not sure you should be to be honest).

He needs legal advice tbh he’s in an horrendous position
the mortgage is in both names there none of he’s only responsible for 1/2 the bank will go after ether of them obviously your son as he’s working
she owns 1/2 the house he can’t get her to leave the fact she wants him to pay the mortgage shows she’s no intention of going anywhere
he will have to go to court to force the sale as she will no doubt refuse
in all honesty getting it repossessed might be an option but then there all the implications of that going forward he’d be unlikely to be able to get another one

They are both 100% responsible for the mortgage payment so as much as he can refuse to pay to try and force her to pay ultimately non payment will affect both credit histories and ultimately cause the house to be repossessed.

If she's playing silly with access, he needs to get filed at court to get access sorted as well.

She can't stay in the house indefinitely with him paying all of it, so equally may need to go to court to get that sorted as well.

If it's a joint mortgate they will both be liable for the full amount, which in practice, will mean him, if he's the only one with an income, until such time as it is sold.

How does he plan to house his children if he doesn't pay the mortgage?

As she has a 3 year old, she does work doesn’t she, she just doesn’t do paid work.
you are glossing over your wonderful sons part in all this.
it’s pretty shitty to expect a woman to bear your children without giving them the protection of marriage.
why would they have a second child once their relationship was rocky?

He needs legal advice as he will need to force the house sale or buy her out.

He should be paying her around 20% of his net pay, but that might not be possible if he’s also paying the entire mortgage.

He needs to act quickly

They are both liable for the mortgage, the bank won’t care who pays it, as long as its paid each month.

Maintenance is around 20% of income I think for that contact pattern.

If he has concerns about access having that sorted in court is an option, it isn’t costly either.

Maybe in the future if he feels a relationship is toxic he shouldn’t choose to bring children into that relationship.

Yes, I agree there's definitely another side to this story. Your choice of words is very telling OP. "She" fell pregnant...like he had nothing to do with it?

He has two women doing all the life admin for him...If she was so awful why his the wonderful man keep having kids with her?

I think you're getting a rough ride here so far.

So a joint mortgage they're both legally liable for the payments. If a payment is missed or only paid half then both their credit ratings suffer. In his position I would try a bluff and say I was not going to pay it as I couldn't afford it so either she finds a way to pay it or the house is sold. If it's not paid the house would be repossessed anyway so she would still be in the same position if she claims he's making her homeless.

Could you clarify the child access, you say he has them 3 days a week plus every other weekend? Is that all overnight? If so, that's 50/50 (or maybe even slightly over depending on which weekend days) so no child maintenance would be due unless he's an incredibly high earner

They should sell the house and split the equity. I think this is what most clean break divorces do now. He should push for 50/50 care of the kids then he won't need to pay child maintenance. There is no way she can buy him out of the house if she's not even working. She cannot afford the house long term.

He has them 3 evenings one week then the following week 3 eves plus the weekend. I’ve been in this position my self but my ex refused to pay anything and would pick and choose when he turned up ! I just want the best for the children without my son getting taken to the cleaners and not being able to get somewhere to live himself (he’s with me at mo ) .

Sorry just realized they aren't married but the principle about selling the house remains the same.

If he has the kids 5 days out of 7 its not a lot of csa, possibly none. Go on the csa calculator.

Also if he has 5 out of 7 i am surprised he is not in the house with the kids?

Am i misunderstanding that he has 3 weekdays and weekends? So she only has the kids 2 days a week but also no job?

They need to sell up and split.

The house will need to be sold and any equity split 50/50.

3 evenings a week, plus every other weekend. I don’t think the weekday visits are overnights, which is what CSA is based on. His only overnights are every other weekend.

He needs to look at CMS website and use the calculator - it’s based on overnight stays not who does what in the daytime or evening so if children go back to mums to sleep the evening visits won’t affect CM.
He is contractually liable for the whole mortgage if she refuses pay but he can ask CMS to reduce the CM to take account he is paying 100% mortgage. CMS calculate the CM and then he has to apply to vary this.
He will need legal advice to sort out contact and sale of house if neither of them can afford to buy the other out.