Balancing extra work, childcare costs and time with young children

[Laurabeee]

I realise that I am very fortunate and this is probably anxiety driven but I just can’t work out how much to push working to feel like I can afford things compared to missing out on my children.

I am a hospital doctor with a 90% of full time job in the NHS. I have a 2-year-old and a 1-year-old so had reduced earnings during maternity leave. We also had an extension built by awful builders which is costing a fortune to try to sort out. I’m embarrassed to say how much as it was a really small extension but complicated with steel and many aspects have had to be redone. The builder walked off another job and is very aggressive so it was an expensive and difficult experience. We remortgaged to do the work which is my own fault. Childcare is about £1500 per month now with two children.

There is so much locum and private work around that I am tempted to do lots of this to reduce money worries, but I find it very stressful seeing patients who have waited a really long time. I worry I’m missing my children growing up if I do this work, but if I don’t, I worry I can’t sort the house out. It feels like there’s so much potential to earn more but not enough time in the day.

I am just wondering if anyone else out there feels the same. My husband job has a fixed annual salary with no scope to do extras and in a strange way I sort of envy that. He has struggled to get promotions and doesn’t have the job security that I do which also adds to pressure.

First question from me, is your husband spending that time you are doing extra shifts with the children or are you having to put them in childcare?

I tend to try to work evenings and weekends, so my children have 3 days per in nursery which I need for my NHS job, but the rest of time they are looked after by me or my husband. They don’t have any extra time in childcare as a result of my extra work.

I do some work from home when they have gone to bed, but if they won’t go to bed on time it means I am working really late!

So ... seeing patients who have been waiting a long time is stressful (this is private work you say ... have you already done some of this?)

Is Locum / private work better paid than your job?

You are stressed about money

You are worried about missing out on time with your kids

... and breathe. How are you coping with parenting and working? Do you feel you have capacity to take on more? Burning out will not help your kids or your earning potential so tread carefully here.

Are you able to cover your outgoings with what you are doing now? Do you have any financial breathing room or cushion? All questions that feed into where you go from here.

It's hard, OP.

I don’t think it’s crazy to pick up some shifts if you can do it without sacrificing sleep and general rest. We had a neighbor that did this and their kids seemed very happy. Dad managed the children well. I did worry about Mom because she often did it at the expense of her own sleep. The best money was hospital night shifts for her role and you could tell the erratic schedule was draining.

Your children will be fine with their father. You need to take care of yourself.

It sounds like you and your partner look after the young ones fine. Take extra work if you can.

could you commit to once a month extra?

or at least limit it in some way,
3 months?

Can you sell the house and buy another in a similar position?

You seem like you know your work limits for another three years.

Your children are benefitting from only three days in child care.
You might be better to save for an extension in the future rather than borrow for one.

If you could manage it then 2 Sundays a month would be a huge cash boost and if DH is looking after them then not extra costs.

But be careful, your dc are still young, are you fully recovered? Are you well rested? If you need downtime then the money can wait 💐

I don't think when you have a 1 and 2 year old is the time to push your earnings and overtime. Not if you have any choice.

If you can afford your outgoings or can juggle things around so that you can afford them (I'm thinking of that build you mentioned) then I would just stick with your core hours.

Managing your kids and rest will be easier in a few years - I can't imagine it's ever going to be more dufficult than it is now.

Your partner is already working full time and you are almost full time. With two small kids that is enough.

Another danger longer term is that your work life/home life balance makes life intolerable and your marriage breaks down - that would make all your lives harder and more expensive. You have said overtime tends to be in the evening or weekend. You need down time and family time. Your kids are only young once. You both have enough on your plate.

Thanks for all the messages of advice. I appreciate all the replies.

I think I will start with 2 weekend days per month and see how it goes Without committing to too much long term.

the locum work is better paid than my job but much more intense. On average, I would see 28 patients per day during a locum shift with 15 minute appointments. They have waited years for the appointment so expectations are understandably high and it’s hard to keep to time so I usually don’t have any real break.
I am lucky though that night shifts are not part of my work and I appreciate GPs probably see more than this per day normally.

I have enough money from
my normal job to cover essential things but the building work has had so many unexpected costs fixing things the builders should have done. Each time I get another quote my heart sinks a bit. They were recommended to me by someone I knew from work but different joiners etc worked on our job. I’ve learnt a lot from the process…..and would never buy a ruin like this again!

thanks again for the supportive replies. I feel less anxious than I did.

that sounds doable op @Laurabeee

Be with your kids as much as you can without impacting your well being. They won’t be little for long.

Okay, while I don't normally say this...you don't get this time back.
You're working 90% of full time already, in a very stressful job by the sound of it, on top of the kids. Are you the default parent, is your husband actually, hand on heart, 50%? In the thinking too, not just the actions?
Is your house safe and liveable as is, if you put on pause for a little while?

I'd be really worried in your situation that burn out was on its way, if you add in extra work on top of that, that you find stressful.
Personally, in your situation, given the ages of the kids, I would hunker down for a while, stop with the renovation for a few months at least to give yourself financial breathing space, and find a rhythm. You can't have been back at work too long, and you sound stressed.

Is there another option for overtime that you don't find as stressful, even if it's not as well paid?