if you were skint in your 30s..

[brokee]

what did you do to turn it around?

I'm early 30s, recently separated pending divorce, also graduated last year into career that has a max ceiling of around 50k, nhs role but no jobs available at band 5 locally so currently working in minimum wage semi related role. Two young children, so have to factor in childcare. ExH pays maintenance through CMS. I look around and think is this it?

If you managed to turn your life around how did you do it? I'm considering starting my own business linked to degree eventually but with no post qual clinical experience I'm not confident how I'll get there. I don't want another relationship due to emotional/psychological abuse, and even if I did I'd absolutely never live another man.

ExH has moved on with affair partner and will be buying a property which is something we had planned to do together. I feel like I've given so much of my life to someone else and it's ruined mine. I can't afford to save as a single parent, don't want a relationship which would potentially double household income eventually but wouldn't be good for me in any other way.

I want to give my dc the best life, I want to not worry about the credit card bill stacking up. I think I just want people to tell me it's ok and they know plenty of women who've pulled themselves out the gutter and into a happy stable life.

Can you tell us what your degree is in and which job it is that would pay £50K? Don't worry about outing yourself - the NHS is a massive employer!

You are still young. You have what sounds like an opportunity for a stable long term career with excellent pension if you enter the NHS. The very expensive years of childcare for young children will be over soon.

Can we say you will be living a life of luxury in five years? No. But there is no reason why you won't own a property without a mortgage by the time you retire and have a good retirement income.

What's the role?
What are you expecting in terms of financial settlement at divorce? Ongoing maintenance and childcare/custody during school holidays?
Any debts?
What rent are you paying? Roughly where in the country are you? Are you very tied to that area? Could you move for work?

You are wise not to find a relationship just for some income - it's not good for you nor your kids. You can stand independently.

It's still very early days in your life OP. I know it must feel daunting right now, but you've got plenty of time to develop your career, to buy a home, to build up some capital and pensions for later life. As someone further along the rocky path I can say, you'll be ok, Rome wasn't built in a day. The really important thing is to keep making good, solid, consistent steps in the right direction, they really build up over time. Compound interest is one of the wonders of this world.

I wish you all the luck in the world.