Financial coaching??

[PeachBlossom1234]

Is there such a thing as a finance coach?

I am so bad with money, like really bad. I've got myself out of debt a few times, but always end up back in it again. I can be reckless and buy things I don't need, and overcommit to things I can't afford further down the line. I would really love to overpay my mortgage and make some improvements but I just don't have the money to.

I've now climbed my way up at work to earning a decent salary, and I freelance for extra cash, but I am still struggling to sort it all out. I am embarrassed that I just can't live well and would really like to try and get a hold on things. I feel like I need a proper education in budgeting and managing my money, and also keeping me on track. I currently use an excel sheet, but then on payday I massively overspend on "treats" which then leaves me short for the rest of the month.

Does something like this exist or am I just an idiot and need to sort myself out?

Good on you for wanting to sort it out.
Could you try paying future you first - ie on payday autopay into the mortgage/savings/pension/holiday pot and take out your ‘treat money’ onto a payment card?

I get lots of different payments throughout the month which is why I think I'm reckless, because I always get more in to survive (maintenance is weekly so I always have money for a food shop)....I was thinking about setting up "pots" on my account to try and keep it to weekly amounts. I'm trying to teach my daughter how to be good with money, but I'm so ashamed of how I am. I have the ability to take advances on my wages as well which has left me in hot water a couple of times so I am trying very hard not to do that again!

Have a look at Dave Ramsey Baby Steps up to BS3…then switch to Rebel Finance School…free on YT and FB. Don’t pay someone for something you can do for yourself.

Assuming you are currently debt free you need more than one bank account so that on pay day you can distribute and send money immediately to these 4 other accounts depending on your budget

you must cover the essentials first, rent/ mortgage essential utilities food and heating and transport to work and surplus then has to do several jobs pay off debt, save for known expenses coming up like car maintenance your child's birthday etc saving an emergency fund, and lastly money for a) wants above the absolute necessities, fun holidays and b) long term savings pensions saving for your kid paying a chunk off your mortgage. you can't have fun or savings beyond emergency fund money unless you cover the previous first
so to bank accounts

firstly .your main bank account into which your salary child benefit and maintenance are paid, use this account to pay for all day to day things food car fuel etc you need to decide in advance what this will be per month according to a budget only use a debit card from this account so you never lose track of how much money you have until the end of the month

1. set up a separate account for your biils and direct debits for the month on payday put money for all the bills in this account ( keep a float of approx £200 so if May's bills, mortgage etc add up to 1256 put 1450 in the account)and you do not ever withdraw cash or pay for anything from this account apart from bills which are all automated these means you will never miss a payment ( if you have a credit card debt set up minimum payment from here too) if you don't have a credit card it is easier for you to learn to manage money if you only use a debit card
2. Sinking funds money is for money that is not a monthly expense but comes around regularly ie Christmas birthdays insurance if you pay annually car and home maintenance service MOT, holidays add this all up divide by 12 and that is what you put in this account per month when the event happens you use this account to pay for it this could be a pot linked to your main account so ou can transfer in and out easily it is not a back up you can only use it for what it is for
3. if you are not yet debt free this account will contain all money not in your main account or accounts 1 and 2 and every month you will decide to put this towards one of your debts once you have paid minimum payments you can use snowball method smallest debt first so you get quick wins or avalanche largest interest rate first better mathematically but not psychologically. Once you are debt free this will become your emergency fund in a high interest instant access account of between 3-6 months of living expenses
4. your personal spending account and savings accounts once you have your salary and deduct for your bills ( account1) your sinking funds ( account2) your debt repayment/ emergency fund payments (Account 3 ) you may have a bit left over you now decide how to split this between personal spending and savings this is the account from which you buy takeout go to restaurants days out buy make up clothes or anything else fun or discretionary like streaming or subscriptions hopefully once debt free and emergency fund is fully funded you will have more money spare to go into this account

Initially the ammount in account 4 may be nothing or very little and if so you simply can't spend tomorrow money today so you have to go without you need to be honest with sinking funds and put sufficient aside if you allocate £600 for Christmas when Christmas comes you can only spend £600 if you allocate £400 for your kids clothes and shoes that is it you must set aside enough for home and car maintenace as it is these things that crop up they are not emergencies they are foreseeable that can push you back into debt needing new tyres brake pads is a known factor not a surprise. Genuine emergencies do not happen every month an emergency is unforeseeable urgent and unavoidable expenditure not something you hope won't happen or there is a way around it or it could wait,.. even if you would rather not wait

I suggest you listen to Dave Ramsay until end of Baby step 3

1. Step 1 save £1000 this would cover most small emergencies so you don't go into debt for small things
2. Pay off all consumer debt apart from Mortgage they advocate snowball method
3. Save 3-6 months expenses as an emergency fund

3b save for house deposit you have already done this as you have a mortgage

the later steps are more applicable to USA and then go to Rebel Finance school

from OP your money problems are not really a mathematics problem but a value /lifestyle inflation/ psychological system of buying treats before bills etc and so some podcasts which deal with the emotions behind money would be helpful to you you are not stupid you know you need to spend less than you make etc but spending urges wanting to treat yourself your children etc has an impacas do our peers and family and friends attitude to money

you need small winss paying of debt but then instead of sayingI'm a person that's bad with money you reframe as I'm a person that has made mistakes with money but i've learnt from them and now i;'m a debt free person that only buys what i know i can afford and is not afraid to say that something is not in my budget. you don't have to mess up your own finances to impress others or do what others feel you should be frugalish ( not tight) until you can breathe a bit better

Good Luck

The subreddit ukpersonalFinance is really good. They have a flow chart and explainers you can follow. Have a look at moneysavingexpert too.

You can do this!

Is this less to do with managing finances and more to do with a shopping addiction?

I have a free app helps keep me on track...I've read other places on MN that You Need A Budget YNAB app is good. I just like seeing it all at a glance and it keeps me on the straight and narrow

I like Frugal Friends on YT, it helps keep me motivated 💪

I hear you though op. Plus each time I perfect my budget some egotistical madman launches a war 🍊🤡 (iykyk) and then CoL sky rockets and then my budget needs more work..sigh.

Possibly, there is definitely an element of emotional shopping, but there's also that feeling of "I finally have some money in the bank, I'll buy all the things I need to get, then think about the rest later". I think I also really struggle with the mental load of trying to juggle everything and not having anyone to run things past, acting hastily which sometimes leaves me in a pickle.

There's some really helpful points on here so I'll have a look and see if I can get a handle on things! I'm very aware that I'm a single mum who has an income more than a lot of couples, but actually managing it is where I'm falling down.

It sounds like you know what you need to do, stop impulse spending. Could you set up a standing order to put most of your wages straight into a savings account as soon as you are paid, so you are just left with the money you need for expenses and just a small amount of treats money extra? That would remove the temptation and you would physically have to remove money from savings to spend extra.

List all your monthly expenses and see where you can save there. Literally for every item- make sure you’ve got the best possible deal- so mobile phone (SO many cheap deals now), broadband, electricity (if you’re on the price cap you may be able to get a cheaper rate by fixing), insurances- if you’re in the middle of a contract then make a note of the date it’s up for renewal or contract ends so you can look for a better deal. It can feel so overwhelming, but once you have the complete list of what you spend, just tackle one thing as a time- it’s such a good feeling when you knock money off a regular bill, and then you can move ok to the next thing. I used to be awful with money, and felt genuinely panicky ever time I checled my balance, but now I enjoykeeping track of it all and feel so in control! I found the YNAB book useful (I didn’t use the app though), and the Money Saving expert has loads of free advice- I like the podcasts as it keeps you up to date wirh anything that’s new.

YNAB saved my life. Have been using it religiously since 2014. I don’t know how other people manage without. It feels quite pricey probably when you start but compared to a person it’s not. Highly recommend.

Why don’t you speak to a Financial Coach? Most will offer a free “intro” call. None of us were taught about navigating finance at school and your patterns and behaviours are very normal. All the responses here are brilliant but sometimes we just need a bit of extra support. A Financial Coach can do this. Go online, do your research, read reviews. Avoid companies and look at individuals. Most are ex finance professionals who genuinely want to help.

I agree with you @PeachBlossom1234 We are so used to approaching a personal trainer to teach us how to exercise properly, even when some people can work this out for themselves, and yet we hardly ever hear of people using a service like this. I've asked on here before for recommendations of a financial coach/adviser, but the general advice was always to do it yourself!
Can I ask if anyone has used a financial coach that they can recommend, please?

Simonne Gnessen at Wise Monkey Financial coaching wrote Sheconomics a long time ago & was at the forefront of Financial Coaching. She now trains new coaches. Have a look at her website or any of the following

https://www.talialoderick.co.uk
https://www.wealth-coach.co.uk
https://www.sashaspeed.com
@mint_coaching
www.moneymattersfinancialcoaching.co.uk

There can be a big dopamine boost from retail therapy… perhaps you are a dopamine seeker? (Do you have any adhd or similar in your family tree?). Could you look at other ways of getting yourself a quick dopamine boost (that doesn’t involve spending money), to tide you over at the trigger points?

One thing we have done in the past, is put a two-week cooling off period on purchases (before they get purchased!)… so if there is something you are desperate to have / treat yourself to (eg item of clothing or homeware / furniture or make-up / skincare etc), then you have to wait two weeks before you can buy it.. and quite often the urge to get it has gone by then, so you don’t need to buy it. We’ve found it to be quite a useful discipline at times.

Have a look at Rebel Finance school. I read about them in the paper. A couple run it completely free of charge. They are starting an evening online class on Monday 1 June for free if you're interested.

Also, I bought Alvin Hall’s book ‘Your Money or Your life’ (i think it was a companion book to a tv series many many years ago), and I found it to be really really helpful. It’s obviously not the same as in-person coaching, but if you can get a hold of a copy it might help change some of your habits.. I suspect it might be a more affordable route to becoming more financially stable than a finance coach (who may well cost £££s per session)…

Morning!
Thank you so much for all the advice. I have tried really hard this month, and now payday is upon us it's time for a clean slate. I opened 4 new "pots" on my banking app and I divided the money I have remaining into 4 and put them in, so that on a Monday (when I get my CB and maintenance) I can transfer in for that week and that is all the money I have. I've put some back into my savings and I'm going to try really hard not to touch it. I've also got my holiday at the end of June so I've saved money for that. I've removed my other account card from my phone so I can't dip into my bill paying account, and I haven't used paypal at all this month.

Me and my daughter went out shopping on Saturday for a few holiday things, and rather than spending a few hundred pounds like we did last month, we returned a lot of items that we weren't sure about or decided we didn't need, and rather than having a meal out we had a drink and a piece of cake. Yesterday I collected her from school and took an ice lolly from the freezer for her and she was delighted - avoiding the shop altogether! I've also been taking my lunch to work so I'm not in the café constantly.

I'm very much a work in progress, but I think I'm realising that I'm just reckless most of the time. I earn more than most 2 parent families (I know I'm so lucky) so I need to pull myself together and sort myself out. I'm trying not to doomscroll as much at night watching influencers try on bags and bags of clothes (which they obviously return or are gifted). I'm also trying to make a list of things to do at the weekends so I don't end up in our local shopping centre wandering around....any suggestions greatly appreciated! For my birthday last week a friend of mine took us for a drive and we had coffee and cake and then a walk around a local nature reserve which I absolutely loved, so will definitely do more of that!

Thanks again, I really appreciate you all and your fab advice!

The CAB have money matters coaches. Ask them.

What a great start OP! Onwards and upwards!

I'm also trying to make a list of things to do at the weekends so I don't end up in our local shopping centre wandering around....any suggestions greatly appreciated

If you like being outdoors in nature, the list is endless. Google nature reserves, wildlife trust, RSPB etc for your city/county and go from there. Also lakes, woodland, city/country parks, the coast, national parks etc etc. Subscriptions for entrances can be excellent value, eg National Trust, RSPB membership.

I have a national art pass, which costs about £80 a year and gives me free entrance to many galleries but also places like the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, which I live fairly near so go around once a month. I also have the Ordnance Survey map subscription and go on country walks as I'm lucky enough to live close to real upland wilderness so go walking in the Peak District, North York Moors etc. It doesn't cost much, just a bit of petrol, sometimes parking, although I usually go early before free car parks get full up. I sometimes have a pub lunch after my walk, but often take food with me too. Perhaps take photos too, just with your phone.

To avoid doomscrolling, social media and shopping sites, how about learning a new skill, language, researching your family tree etc? Go on virtual tours of far flung places on google maps, I could spend hours doing that and planning holidays that I may or may not ever go on.

Or do things like painting or other arts/crafts? Doesn't need to cost much to get started. I did a painting activity with some friends and realised I enjoyed it and would like to be able to paint better so I just got a brush set and a few acrylics from Hobbycraft and a cheap book of art paper from Ikea of all places and I'm working my way through this book (I didn't pay that much for the book, I got it from eBay).

As for other ideas for keeping you on track, if you get the Moneysaving Expert weekly email, you'll have lots of ongoing hints and tips. Also the financial flow chart is good as a to do list for money through your lifetime:

The UK Personal Finance Flowchart - UKPersonalFinance Wiki

If you find you need to catch up with a pension, ISAs etc, the Meaningful Money podcast is really good for this. I'd suggest starting with the series that covers the flowchart: Season 25 - Finance OS Archives - Meaningful Money – Making sense of Money with Pete Matthew | Financial FAQ

Pete Matthew who hosts the podcast also does an instagram account with one of his DDs aiming to teach good financial management to the social media generation, so that might also be of interest?

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