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Depressed BIL and debt

5 replies

TheBlueRobin · 17/04/2026 08:24

I found out yesterday that my brother‑in‑law once had around £50k of debt.

He lives quite far away so we don’t see him often. He’s in a houseshare in a fairly inexpensive town (<£500), has a decent job (around £40k), and also works weekend shifts as a bartender. He’s my partner’s older brother.

He’s never been great with money and only moved out at 29 (he’s 35 now). He used to spend quite a bit on things like mobile games. He was in a relationship for a while, and his ex apparently had expensive taste — big TV, pricey leased car, that sort of thing. When they split, he moved out but kept the car.

A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with depression and began self‑harming. My partner and his mum went to see him and encouraged him to move back home, but he wanted to stay where he was because he was under the care of that health trust and seeing a professional. Things seemed to improve, and we knew he’d been trying to save for his own place.

He visited yesterday, he’d travelled six hours by coach because he sold his car, and that’s when my partner found out the full extent of the debt. £50k in total, between the car lease and spending on credit cards during the worst of his depression. There’s nothing really to show for it, which I suppose is part of what shocked me.

To his credit, he’s dealing with it now. He’s paid it down to £10k and is working 6–7 days a week to clear the rest. I think I was just taken aback by how strongly mental health struggles can affect someone’s ability to manage money.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 17/04/2026 09:00

To his credit, it sounds like he has done well paying it off and is working hard to do so and should be proud of himself.

I was in a lot of debt in my 20s but no point thinking about all the things I wasted it on, because that doesn’t change things. I do however learn a lot of valuable lessons. Of course mental health affects spending, the same as it can affect every other aspect of a persons life.

Lurkingandlearning · 17/04/2026 09:09

That had never occurred to me until I read your post. It makes me even more sympathetic for people with depression.

What your BIL has achieved is fantastic. I imagine you must be very proud and happy for him. I am a bit and I don’t even know him 😬

Bjorkdidit · 17/04/2026 09:23

Money difficulties is a common side effect of mental health struggles, so much that Martin Lewis founded a charity dedicated to helping affected people.

People overspend to self medicate, also they lose jobs so can't pay bills, or they can't face managing their money well so payments get missed which affects their credit record and they can't get good deals on mortgages or other credit, they end up overpaying for services like broadband, TV, insurance etc where deals are easy to come by if you're able to stay on top of it, they sign up for subscriptions that they pay for without using etc etc.

But it sounds like he's doing great, hopefully that will continue so he's in a good position to pay the debt down fairly quickly and then save up to be able to buy, which should also be achievable if he lives somewhere where a houseshare costs under £500 pm and he's earning £40k.

TalulahJP · 17/04/2026 10:04

hes doing a FANTASTIC job of paying off that debt and getting himself together. hes presumably had a difficult time so i’d be so proud of him.

iamnotalemon · 17/04/2026 10:06

Bjorkdidit · 17/04/2026 09:23

Money difficulties is a common side effect of mental health struggles, so much that Martin Lewis founded a charity dedicated to helping affected people.

People overspend to self medicate, also they lose jobs so can't pay bills, or they can't face managing their money well so payments get missed which affects their credit record and they can't get good deals on mortgages or other credit, they end up overpaying for services like broadband, TV, insurance etc where deals are easy to come by if you're able to stay on top of it, they sign up for subscriptions that they pay for without using etc etc.

But it sounds like he's doing great, hopefully that will continue so he's in a good position to pay the debt down fairly quickly and then save up to be able to buy, which should also be achievable if he lives somewhere where a houseshare costs under £500 pm and he's earning £40k.

Honestly, Moneysavingexpert and Martin Lewis were a huge factor in how I ended up getting out of debt. It’s a shame he can’t run the UK’s finances - he’d sort them out!

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