Why do I always end up paying more

[dyzzie]

On meals/drinks with friends. Example is today.. went for a lunch out with a friend. He suggested just going 50/50 as he couldn’t be bothered working things out… I took a pic of the bill and realised on way home I overpaid by £20 . Just so annoying. How should I do it.. short of adding things up as you go along. It was 2 courses with 1 bottle of wine plus 2 drinks for me and about 5 for him. I did not realise he had so much more! Maybe I just need to say let’s pay for what we each had going forward but it feels so awkward to do that

Just tell the staff at the start that you want separate bills, then there is no discussion at the end on who pays for what, which gets complicated and can be embarrassing.

You're too late on this occasion. For the future avoid this person or just say let's just pay what we had. I lunch twice a week with different people and we always just pay what we eat and drink. Some places are too quick to say shall I just halve it - it's just laziness on their part.

Greedy bill splitters really don't like it when you stop playing the game. I lost a friendship group over this. The two blokes liked a kitty system. Of course they did...it benefitted them hugely.

There were times I found myself paying double for the food I'd had. The drinks were the worst though. They drank much more and faster than us. When the kitty ran out they collected another lot of cash from us.

We only met up for holidays, so it didn't happen often. Eventually I couldn't hold my tongue any more. The mood changed instantly. I never saw or heard from them again after we got home.

How can people shamelessly take advantage then make you out to be the villain when you won't facilitate it anymore?

Why should OP overpay £18 though? The other person spent the money and at the time, suggested 50:50. The meal with wine sounds fine to split. It's the drinks bill that is unfair.

Transfers are easy enough and I know of people who buy lunch on their card and everyone transfers their share over.

On this occasion, the other person may decline to send it but OP is entitled to bring it to their attention and ask. I would be mortified if I have 5 drinks and my friend had 2 but we paid half each.

I say this as someone who stopped splitting bills equally when the divided share was 250% more than I ordered. Not one of the 14 others even glanced over the bill. Straight split was decided. I paid on the day then never split an uneven spend again. In my experience, it's always the people this favours that call for splitting

Well.. I msg him and asked for the £18. He transferred it immediately.. No issue (apparently). I don’t regret it. During the meal yesterday we talked about the next similar get together and when that would be in a few months, so I’m guessing that if it doesn’t happen then I know why. Still the right thing to do imo and thanks to all the posters for suggesting it. Next time I will be more assertive and ask for
separate bills. It just avoids any issue down the line 😉

My friend and I always get the bill and then just tot up quickly what each of us had. It saves a lot of hassle that way if someone has had pudding or a glass of wine that the other one didn’t but then we are very fair and wouldn’t want the other to pay for something they didn’t have!

Ask for separate bills.

I wouldn’t chase a mate about for £18 after the event. Next time organise it first.

either get some new friends or just pay for what you actually had. You can see what they are eating and drinking vs what you have had, you have an itemised receipt and you have a calculator in your pocket like 99.9% of people.

There are some ppl who are right cheeky fuckers and will take advantage of a group situation. These are not your friends. You find them out if you ask for their share or say that you are splitting the bill based on what everyone had.

There are also genuine friends, who if asked to pay more because they had more, would think nothing of paying their share and be happy that they were not unknowingly taking the pi$$ with their friends.

OP - it is a positive sign that your friend paid you their share so quickly. If they are happy to meet again, you'll know if they are genuine or not.

In future, agree in advance.
I’d never mind a friend at the table suggesting separate bills or working out our own.
I wouldn’t be so keen on texts after the event pointing out they’d overpaid, if we’d ageeed a way of splitting and then I had to organise a transfer (or send them details so they could transfer to me…..although I suspect that doesn’t happen)

Im not a drinker and often only eat one course. I have several groups of friends I eat out with. We don’t tend to say upfront what we will do, but as the meal progresses it becomes clear if everyone’s having a similar amount or not. When asking for the bill, usually the person who’s had most offers to pay for what they had. They’re aware if they’ve had lots more to drink. If it is a big difference, we usually then all work out our own. If it’s been roughly equal or just 1 drink difference , we often agree to just split it.
But whatever we agree there is what we do. We don’t later start trying to change the arrangement or asking others for money.

Communication at the time is key.

If my friend needed the £18 I would send it to them - absolutely no problem. You shouldn't feel bad if you have found you have spent more than you are able. I would probably also try to treat them next time. I used to have no money and I remember how difficult everything was then and how much it mattered to me.

I don't recognise this "fact" of people going 50:50 trying to screw you. It sounds like a different planet, honestly. My friends...never try to screw me. It's never happened. I often go 50/50. I have friends who have much less money than me, and I often pay for them. I have friends who have much more money than me, and they often pay for me (if they chose the place and it's madly expensive).

Let it go this time but do separate on future occasions afterwards. Anyway do you want to go out regularly with such a big drinker? That way lies expense and trouble.