Weird relationship with spending

[Luckygirl69]

I’m finding myself becoming more and more reluctant to spend money on myself or on anything really, the older I get and the more money I have to spend. It’s getting to the point that I feel a bit miserly, and mean when it comes to gifting, and I also feel my day to day life and that of those around me could be enriched by me saying yes, rather than no all the time. The truth is that despite a very modest income, I’ve been extremely lucky with family money and an inheritance. It’s like my brain is telling me I didn’t earn this wealth so I mustn’t touch it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no multi millionaire but definitely comfortable. Does anyone have a similar experience? Feels like I need counselling or maybe someone has a recommendation for a self help book on this. Any suggestions?

Maybe a different focus? Try 'I didnt earn it, it's a bonus, therefore I must share it'.

And sharing can take many different forms whether directly giving (to charity, or family and friends) or buying (small independent traders, fairtrade).

And the people from whom you inherited wanted you to benefit, to be comfortable.

I’ve just stopped myself buying something, that I need and can afford.

I think it stems from when I didn’t have a good income and had to stick to a strict budget. I couldn’t afford any treats and now find it so difficult to spend on myself.

Sorry, no suggestions on how to change the pattern 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sounds basic, but give yourself an allowance. I earn money doing side hustles and I put it into a “fun fund” which I then use for treats/theatre trips/weekends away! Live a little, your money is there to enjoy, with perimeters 🙂

Why do you feel like there is something wrong with not spending money? I know we’re constantly advertised at but that doesn’t mean you have to spend your money. I’m all for living life but I think it’s wise to still be careful because you have no idea what is around the corner and how much consumerist crap do all of us really need anyway? They only make us happy for a short time until we then need to buy the next bit of pointless rubbish!

One way that I found useful is to donate to charities close to my heart. Somehow it got me into a mindset of ‘I deserve something as well’.

I like @DisplayPurposesOnly comment on spinning how you think about it.

You asked for recommendations - I thought the podcast episode below was really interesting. I hope it helps.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1W5SUnYa0eFQUgd0VSh2Fn?si=tm4clEodSTe8Bh7M0bmmlg

I’ve found that as I’ve got older (mid 50s) I’ve wanted to spend less on “stuff” and save more for “experiences”. I’m also a lot more conscious of saving for retirement.

Thank you all, some really useful things here.

I'm 63 and stashing it away for my retirement . If I don't get to spend it four charities will get a nice windfall. I do try and buy a few books but really I don't need much at the moment.

I inherited some money and i feel very uncomfortable spending it on myself. I too have the feeling of ‘i didn’t earn it, it’s not mine to spend’. I am saving it for my children to inherit mainly but do occasionally dip into it to help them out when necessary. I also think it will buy me a bit of choice should i need care later on.

I'm late 40s and I definitely shop a lot less than I did 10 years ago. I just don't need a lot of stuff, but I would like to retire early so I put all my left over cash towards that. I will wear shoes until they have holes in them, same with all clothes really. If I shop it's mainly second hand but good quality. I have a good income and I'm mortgage free, I just don't get the pleasure from spending anymore. Not even on travel. I prefer a walk in the woods or by the water.

I definitely think dividing it into different pots will help. I absolutely cannot/will not touch savings and get nervous at the thought. If it's in "daily spend" it goes on practicalities, if it's in "christmas and birthdays" it goes on gifts for others and if it's in "treats" it goes on little luxuries for me.
Sit down and work out what feels comfortable in each pot, how to get "value" out of things rather than just getting cheap (e.g. buying a really good pair of shoes will last longer than a cheap pair that fall apart, and now you can afford to buy a good quality pair, so you're actually going to get better value than those with less money). If you're still struggling maybe counselling will help. I think it helps to think about what will happen to this money in the very end, does that feel like a good outcome? Or would you rather spend some of it before that happens... Do also find a good savings account/Isa - interest is basically free money from the bank so that's a win, and then you know when you're spending some, you're also making money on some