Would you stay or move in these circumstances.

[FlowerPowerTime]

DH 45 and I 39 currently live on the outskirts of a large northern city. We both work 4 days a week (DH 2 WFH/ 2 office) DH office is 30 min commute via train/walk. My office is 5 min drive and I drop off/pick up at nursery. We have one 2 year old and unlikely to have more children.

current house is 3-bed semi with converted attic with large double en-suite. Worth £450k, mortgage left £170k (c£1,100 a month).

pros: very cheap to run/maintain, low utilities, council tax, easy commute, only have and need one car etc. good primary (but not secondary school)

cons: very boring area! We bought it as a 5 year home to get on the ladder and been here 10 years. Downstairs is quite small (kitchen diner and separate small lounge).

the house we’d like - countryside detached with space around us, unfortunately the area we want comes at a cost - £750k with a commute for me of 35 mins and DH slightly over an hour.

Currently DH earns £70k gross, after pension (nhs) student loan and tax he gets about £3400 a month. I’m self employed, I receive about £3,200 a month net and put £20k a year into my pension. Whilst we do consider big purchases we can spend on day to day things as we want, moving would make finances pretty tight - higher bills/ commute and we’d need a second car. We have £80k of accessible savings/investments we could use towards moving/mortgage.
WWYD? Would you regret exchanging a small and convenient (but boring home) for a dream home which would give you significantly less money/longer commute? Moving in our area isn’t what we want to do, larger homes don’t really exist and they’d still be in the same area.

How many hours do you both want to spend driving your children around, especially when they’re older.

i wouldn’t trade such a nice easy commute for either of you let alone both. Are there any alternate areas?

I know there would be more driving DS about, but my parents would be 10 mins away (they are 30 mins now) and there is a small town that we would want to be within 1 mile of so he could walk/cycle. The town has a leisure centre, doctors, secondary school (with about 400 pupils), shops, restaurants - it’s not big but the centre for the area as the next nearest town is 30 mins away. It’s also quite touristy in the summer so they keep the shops/cafes going.
It’s a completely different area but similar size to Ambleside or Windermere in the lake district.

@KarmenPQZ there are but the houses would be a lot more expensive to be closer than a 1 hour commute into the city for a 4 bed detached house with space around it.
You’d still also be looking at a 45 min commute for DH and we wouldn’t be as close to a town for DS school and activities. Unfortunately, you have the edge of the city (where we are now) then a bit of greenbelt then the ANOB in the direction we want to go (nearer family who live in the AONB). We could move south of the city which would be a lot cheaper, but it’s not an area I’m familiar with and we’d be a long way from family who help us with DS and we see once a week.

Can you extend where you are now? Sounds like you've got what you need upstairs, but your main frustration is with the downstairs

Realistically you’re looking at a £500k mortgage by the time you’ve paid stamp duty and moving costs. Can you afford that? For me it would be too high, and we have more coming in each month.

I personally would weigh up what you’d do if employer increased office attendance, so don’t just rely on it staying 2 days. A long commute 2 days a week is a lot easier than 4-5. Also weigh up things like wrap around care harder to find in the countryside and teenage years are not going to be easy, either driving child around or child isolated. You say your area is boring, but the countryside is likely to be even slower pace. Of course that might be what you want.

Financially speaking, seems like a big jump. Could you afford if interest rates spiked? Are you likely to get any future promotions etc? Just be careful not to end up spending all your money on housing.

Tbh we are on the same after tax household income and want the same thing; we think we cant afford it. Have you done the sums on a 750k house + commute? Dont mean to be patronising, im interested if you can do it!!

@ProfessionalComplex So I think we could afford it but we would have a lot less fun money! I currently limit my income to around £60k to keep most of the child benefit. I would increase my gross income by £20k if we moved. On top of our £80k savings, we have £30k earmarked for DS future (he’s 2 so whilst we are adding to it, we don’t really need to). It’s in our name so could be “borrowed” if we wanted to. This is money given to me or saved by DH and I, not gifts made directly to DS so was “our savings” until I mentally reallocated it when he was born!
I think we’d need about a £400k mortgage, which on paper is affordable on our income.
My parents and aunt also regularly give me lump sums and are intending to continue in the future (mainly to minimise inheritance tax as they are looking at around a £1m tax bill between them). DSIS and I are only children/niblings so will inherit from them.
If our household net income was £6,600 with no chance of increasing it and no regular gifts, I don’t think I’d move, but our income could increase if we choose it to and we will have quite a bit of money coming to us in the future. I receive between £5-10k a year in gifts (although last year following the budget I was given £50k which is what set us off thinking of moving 😂).
It’s been somewhat helpful setting it out like this! I still don’t know what to do, I’m unsure on the commute and whilst I don’t like our current area it’s very handy 😂 DH really doesn’t like it here though and would rather live closer to my parents. We’re like the couples on love it or list it. Unfortunately we can’t extend though and neither of us love the house, it’s just fairly practical and cheap! The garden is pretty small, we already have a small extension for utility and loo. Ideally I’d like a playroom and larger kitchen diner, but I’d have no garden if I had these as it’s only 7m long (and tiered)!

Devils advocate - what would happen if your parents money has to be used for care home fees for a long period? Relying on inheritance seems risky, how well is the market moving in your area? There is very little movement here.

If it was me I would definitely move. I don’t consider that just over an hour is a long commute. You have a huge monthly income and could easily afford a much larger mortgage. We really really stretched ourselves when we moved to our current house and have never regretted it.

I would stay in the smaller and more convenient home , the area will likely be fine for a growing child. The stress is extra commute and extra costs - bigger houses cost more to heat and maintain - wouldn’t be worth it to me. Each to their own though

We have a lot more income than that and we wouldn’t do it.

It depends what you value though. It’s a very personal decision. I can’t see the point in spending more than we need to on a house but others differ. If it feel right to you and you’re happy with the financial and logistical sacrifices then go for it.

We’re quite risk averse financially and don’t really have any desire to upsize our house (prefer to spend on travel and experiences).

However, I think you’d be fine financially, particularly given ongoing financial support from the family. If you want it, I think do it.

I personally wouldn't, because I value convenience to work/childcare and hence more time with my child, and financial freedom (ie a paid off mortgage) more. What if you hate your job and need to leave, or get an abusive manager, but can't due to the high mortgage now? My husband and I have both been in this situation. Bigger house also means more cleaning! However I know people who value the house more and have made that move and are very happy with it, although they now feel a bit more trapped. Depends on your priorities.

As your DH is on £70k doesn’t he have to repay 50% of the children benefit you receive? In which case does it make sense to be capping your income?

@MynameisJune I don’t think a care home would use up all their money, between my parents and aunt they have about £4m, DSIS and I are the only relatives and will inherit from them. They would all 3 need care for decades to use up all their money. I also have the business which is worth about £400k at the moment which I will sell in the future. I own it with a business partner so we both need to sell together.

@PoppyFleur he has a pension contribution of 12.5% so his adjusted income is about £61k, I effectively match his pay.
Im not too worried about the finances. We can afford to move (although our lifestyle would change) and if we got into a pickle with DH job loss or my business hitting a down turn, either my parents, aunt or DSIS would help. It’s more the commute and logistics that holds me back. DH would move tomorrow! But I keep coming back to the commute and convenience. Maybe we should move when DS is about to go to secondary school so we have less time left working and commuting. It would just be nice to give him a big garden, playroom and be closer to GPs whilst he is still little.
Maybe I’m overanalysing it, the more you
think about problems the more you will talk yourself out of it. 😬

Move if you can afford it, you will regret it if you don't. Being detached and in/near the countryside is worth a bit of extra commuting. You soon get into the habit of the commute and hardly notice it.

You are not happy on your current home & it was only ever a step on the ladder that has served you well enough for 10 years.
I think I would look to move before DS starts primary school. If you leave it until he starts secondary you are looking at another 10 years in your current home & also 10 years less that you can have on your larger mortgage - it’ll be easier to bridge the gap in house prices now than in 10 years time (irrespective of whether you may have cleared the current mortgage in that time).