Help proving my son lives mostly with me.

[BertieBassett14]

My sixteen year old has ASD and has lived 4 nights with me and 3 nights with his Mother since March 2023.Previously his Mother had her address down as his residence with child benefit, school, dentist, etc. Once he started living more with me she didn’t tell any of these people about his change in living circumstances. I have been trying to claim his child benefit and Universal credit, including carers allowance, since this time and had no success. They all believe her and his GP and dentist, etc, have both addresses on file but hers as the main one. Two of my adult sons live with me also, but nobody will take evidence of living arrangements from them. All the while i receive no benefits or monetary help at all and his Mother has just returned from her 5th holiday abroad last year. All i want is what is due to me. Does anybody know of a way i can prove to the benefits people that my youngest lives with me ?
Thank you.

UC will look at who’s address is used a doctors dentist school etc .. they also look at who is the main responsible parent. Who does school runs, takes the child to appointments etc. who claims child benefit is not the deciding factor. If you can not evidence your child lives with you from letters from the above you won’t be successful in claiming child element.

you can read more in the decision makers guide which set out the UC legislation

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68af13ef969253904d1558d9/adm-ch-f1.pdf

pages 12-15

I think you might have to let things go as she can prove he was registered with her for GP, dentist school etc

I would suggest an email to her (not mentioning child benefit saying) can I confirm the plan for 2026 is the Sam remains with me Monday - Friday and you are weekends etc can you just confirm
so you then have a paper trail you can email to HMRC.

it is highly unlikely they will change the child benefit already paid!

See if she agrees to changing contact details for GP etc to yours - she might not and to be honest in a 3/4 split during the week it will be hard to prove .

His mum has him slightly less time than you but not a significant difference. Can you really not come to some arrangement with her whereby you at least split the Child benefit and DLA ? I know you are still quids down without the UC ( as she will be getting significant amounts with child disability element etc ) but as that is means tested and will depend on her earnings etc it is harder to arrange a fair split. The DLA is for the extra costs of your child's disability and should be used for that.
In a couple of years time when he leaves education make sure you become appointee when he makes his own UC claim.

Your ex is committing fraud.

His Mother has him three nights, i have him four nights and six days. Not really even. I have provided lots of evidence including statements from my other sons( adults) and weeks of dated photos showing where he is. He has depression and i take him to 2/3 of his appointments, he is registered at my home with his psychiatrist and his prescriptions are at my address. He has told them all where he lives but they won’t help. She taunts me with texts and thinks it’s funny. I’ve shown the police and they said it was poisonous and i should block her. I have, on ocassion, managed to get my address at his GP and dentist, but as soon as she has found out she has changed them back to hers. They are now so sick of the changes that they won’t do it anymore. She is absolutely committing fraud and even getting legal aid based on her false claims and getting away with it. This is not easy to walk away from.

Sorry I might be missing something here but doesn’t a 16 year old have the ability to make their own choice over GP. Can your son not just go to his GP and change his address to yours. He doesn’t need his mums consent.

https://www.england.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/young-peoples-access-to-gp-online-services.pdf

Unless she has online access I can’t see how she has the authority to amend changes.

At 16 your son can absolutely demand that the gp and dentist charge the address to whatever he wants and forbid hood mother from changing it.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/child-benefit/before-you-claim/check-if-you-can-get-child-benefit/

If mum is refusing to allow you to claim instead of her CAB says you can still make a claim.