My feed

to access all these features

Find financial and money saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum.

Money matters

What would happen to the children if the mother dies, but father has no contact?

24 replies

flubdub · 11/06/2008 20:31

There is NO CONTACT at all, but is greatly wished there was.
Would he be told she'd died?
Who would tell him?
He has PR of the children, so would he be likely to get them even if he hadnt seen them for years?
Iv tried Googling, but cant find anything, if anyone can find any good sites on this, it would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
flubdub · 11/06/2008 23:08


OP posts:
Twinklemegan · 11/06/2008 23:14

I didn't want this to go unanswered, but I'm afraid I don't really know. You'd hope he'd be told, but the way absent fathers are treated in this country God only knows what would happen.

I would say since he has PR then he should definitely get the children, but I guess if the mother wishes otherwise and makes a will then it would be down to her?

Is this likely to happen, or are you just what iffing?

controlfreakyagain · 11/06/2008 23:19

why does he have no contact?
i dont think there's any guarantee he would be told.... if mother's rellys took child in and cared for him presumably they may not tell him? if there was no one and he was accomodated by social services they would have duty to try to con tact anyone with pr... but i wouldnt bank on their efficiency! if he has pr he has right to be involved with major decisions.... ie schooling.... if she won't involve him he should consider making application to court... for contact (idf that's what he wants / for specific issue order to be informed re significant events etc. if he was involved he would know of any death wouldnt he.

beansmum · 11/06/2008 23:25

God, I hope the father wouldn't end up with custody of a child he had never had any contact with. I suppose it would depend on the age of the child, wouldn't be so bad for a baby but I can't imagine my ds(4) being happy to go and live with his dad if I had just died, he would want to be with people he knew, like my parents or sister.

If there is no good reason why the father doesn't have contact, ie he's not abusive/ a danger to the children, he should be able to get contact if he fights for it. I know that my ds's dad could see ds if he was bothered, I wouldn't be able to stop him even if I wanted to.

Twinklemegan · 11/06/2008 23:28

Why not beansmum? He's their father and their closest blood relative. Presumably if the mother appoints a guardian in her will then it wouldn't be an issue. But if she never bothers to make a will then the father should be the first port of call, surely?

controlfreakyagain · 11/06/2008 23:33

appointing guardian in will will take effect only where ther's no one with pr i think....

if a father had had no relationship with a child then he would have to build one before becoming full time carer... if there was dispute between rellys / friends and father with pr court would have to decide what was in child's interests but a biological father would generally speaking have a good head start!

Twinklemegan · 11/06/2008 23:36

Oh is that right? I thought that what the mother said would go. Not that I necessarily agree with that, although I suppose in the mother's shoes I might think differently.

I'm also intrigued as to why there's no contact here. Is the father being stung for maintenance at the same time?

controlfreakyagain · 11/06/2008 23:37

cooooome back op......

Twinklemegan · 11/06/2008 23:39

She's probably given up on the thread and gone to bed. She'll get a nice surprise in the morning (or is it just me who gets excited to see who's responded to my thread?)

beansmum · 11/06/2008 23:40

I don't think a blood relationship is as important as an ACTUAL relationship. ds's dad might be his closest blood relation but he has never met him. If I died ds would need to be with people he knew and loved and trusted, not with a complete stranger.

Twinklemegan · 11/06/2008 23:44

Is that your decision Beansmum's, or the dad's. If it's his decision then you have a point. If you are witholding contact unreasonably (like the woman in the OP possibly) then that's a different matter.

beansmum · 11/06/2008 23:50

I'm not withholding contact. ds's dad isn't interested in seeing us, he has my address and phone number and hasn't even tried to contact us and I don't know where he lives. But even if it was totally my fault, that doesn't change the fact that ds doesn't know him and shouldn't have to move in with a stranger.

Twinklemegan · 11/06/2008 23:53

But the father would only be a stranger for a while, and if he has a genuine desire to be there for his children then it is wrong to deny the children that relationship.

beansmum · 11/06/2008 23:57

oh, I wouldn't suggest keeping the dad from seeing his child. I just think he would need to build up a relationship before thinking about having the child staying overnight or living with him.

Twinklemegan · 12/06/2008 00:02

I think what would probably happen (and I'm no expert at all) is that the child would be placed temporarily in the care of another family member while a relationship was being built up with the father.

solo · 12/06/2008 00:04

Twinkle, it isn't always that cut and dried. My Ds hasn't seen his father for over 6 years. He's nearly 10 now and has drawn his own conclusions about his father and has told me that he doesn't want to see him and no, I haven't bad mouthed him to Ds. I have been very gracious about him. I wouldn't however, be happy or willing for Ds to go and live with his father if I died. Not a bit.

flubdub · 12/06/2008 22:23

Thanks for everyones replies. Sorry, have been in court all day (with regards to said mother). No, the father has no contact. He fought it for two years, and the mother ignored EVERY judgement that the judge made, and it got so expensive (and heartbreaking) it was easier to stop, however, today, another appointment has been made with a different solicitor, and hes starting again.
He'd die to see those children, and had to have councelling when he was prevented from doing so.
So, there isnt atually a law that says he'd be told?

OP posts:
flubdub · 12/06/2008 22:24

Ps, theyre both very young. The son is four next month, and the daughter was two in Feb.

OP posts:
flubdub · 12/06/2008 22:25

Ps, theyre both very young. The son is four next month, and the daughter was two in Feb.

OP posts:
jammi · 12/06/2008 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jammi · 12/06/2008 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flubdub · 12/06/2008 22:39

Oh its shit, isnt it?
And theres really no suport for the fathers if theyve done nothing wrong. I cant go into the ins and outs of this one, but its heartbreaking, it really is, and theres no justice at all.

OP posts:
jammi · 12/06/2008 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flubdub · 13/06/2008 11:10

Thanks Jammi - it wasnt one solicitor, it was two! Weve spent thousands on it, but its just not fair!
She ignored the judge so many times, and as you say, they wont punish her for it, as the kids will suffer.
Were going to give it one more, good effort, because were out of ideas.
She is about to be done for assault on dp, and will have a 6 month probation and Domestic violence course to attend, it is predicted.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.