How to forgive myself

[Traineraid]

So after seeing a few similar posts, here goes.

In have POA for mum. She’s not able to make decisions now. She has a large amount of savings and in a couple of occasions, when desperate I’ve borrowed some money and repaid it asap. I know this is wrong. Mum would have lent me the money if she was able to consent.

this will never happen again, but how do I forgive myself??

Well, if my daughters did that it would be totally fine with me. They’re good girls and know I’d never leave them skint. They also know I’d happily have given them the money without the need to pay it back.

Only you really know your relationship with your mum to know if it’s a non issue.

Assuming you're in England and Wales, the law requires you to make all the decisions in the donor's 'best interests', but the Mental Capacity Act somewhat unhelpfully does not define what that means.

The Code of Practice which accompanies it suggests that when establishing your Mum's best interests "The person’s past and present wishes and feelings, beliefs and values should be taken into account". It also goes on to suggest that "The views of other people who are close to the person who lacks capacity should be considered, as well as the views of an attorney or deputy".

The CoP does not specifically forbid loans, and it does permit gifts which fall into the past and present wishes and feelings as long as they are consistent and affordable. It definitely forbids you personally benefitting from the LPA.

Honestly, if your Mum would have made you small loans and particularly if she has in the past, I wouldn't worry too much about occasional loans which you pay back quickly. But you must keep records of doing so (you should be keeping accounts anyway).

And I strongly suggest that if there is anyone else involved that you run it by them and, for transparency, share the records with them.

Thanks for the further posts. I was terrified that I was going to get loads of people telling me what an awful person I am etc, so I appreciate everyone’s measured responses