How much to save and spend

[MrsBelindaMay]

A long-time user, name changed.
I am very anxious about what the future holds: for me, for my children, for the country. My profession is fairly secure but pay is not huge. DH earns well but not massively (51K in SE). No idea how my two DC (19 and 22) will find their places in life, both bright kids but job market is dire and I just don't know whether they will ever earn enough to afford their own home.
So right now I am trying to balance saving for my own future, my retirement and hopefully having some spare money to help the kids with deposits.
We have low-ish outgoings so we are able to save about 2K a month. Which is absolutely fantastic of course. At the same time - the house needs work, and this was our starter home. There was a plan to move to a forever home soon. And I feel like I am saving for the future whereas maybe I should try to improve the lifestyle now? I am in my late 40s and I was hoping that by that age I would be comfortable enough to actually feel that I am comfortable. To live in a house that looks nice. To afford stuff like home furnishings. To feel confident to spend on home comforts. And I do have money for it. But instead, I prefer to save because I am just scared to spend because what if?
Does it make any sense?
Is there a balance I should aim for?

It doesn't. It frees up money monthly which I can use to carry on building savings. I can increase my savings contribution if I do this with the existing savings. The savings aren't for me, but for my children to begin their lives with, and a few luxuries along the way.

I have a 20 year savings plan, 10 years for each child when they reach 18.

I want them to not be in poverty like I was and am. I am the result of generational poverty but they will not be.

I have the time and cognitive functioning to do this as I work part-time. This is a good investment for the country.

As for my health, I don't actually eat beans on toast for a week. It was just shorthand for me going without so that I can do the above for the kids.

I'm also not clear on your point Op. You suggest your house is run down but seem to be focussed on only wanting to improve things if you can have high quality items but as other pp have said there are many shades in-between and smaller changes may give you a boost. It feels like you are doing well to save so much but perhaps allowing yourself to spend a little might bring some small joys that help you along the way with your savings goals.

If moving is your focus then it's understandable not to be forking out for bespoke curtains but a quick coat of new paint and some cheap new curtains wouldn't cost much and may help freshen your house ready for sale when you are ready to move

I agree. In a few years OP surely would have enough for home improvements.

Two things hit me from your post. @MrsBelindaMay
Firstly no one knows what tomorrow brings. You could get hit by a bus, get diagnosed with cancer, just something that puts everything into perspective.

Secondly paint your own rooms. With your husband and older children. Be invested in your property. Get the paint charts out and Do It Yourself. All this spending thousands and waiting eight years? Why?

Why eight years?

If painting were so easy that amateurs could do it then how do decorators make a living? And it's not just the paint, there are other things that need doing around the walls.

Amateurs do paint their own homes. Decorators make a living from people who are unable to do it due to physical ailments, or from people who are time poor but can afford to pay someone else to do it. Think of it like hiring a cleaner, many people clean their own homes, but some people pay for a cleaner for very similar reasons

What other things need doing around the walls apart from painting?

There is a middle option of the cheap curtains and the ones that are £1000, it’s not all or nothing.

Would it help to put your savings into different pots, such as £800 for long term savings, £700 house redecorating/short term saving and £500 to enjoy life now?

😂 this is hilarious. Of course people paint their own homes. I don't know anyone who pays to have a decorator come in.
I'll teach you.
Choose paint
Get brush and paint around edges
Use roller to fill in the middles.
You're welcome.

@MrsBelindaMay we have never paid a decorator. Ever.

It will cost a lot because you’ve clearly just left it for years, rather than doing it bit by bit like most people do. Of course it will cost a lot if you let it all build up and have everything to do at once. Maintaining your home should be part of your monthly budget.

It’s ridiculous to save 2k a month and leave the house in a state, and I’m sure you know that, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting on here.

39% of the UK population have less than 1k in savings - in total - let alone saving 2k a month.

Agree with pps advice. On the curtains specifically we've had some great high quality ones from blinds direct for eg sash windows and there are lots of options online. On the helping children, you've got to put on your own oxygen mask first and many young adults get less support than the emotional / practical support you can give for free.

Is this not really a money problem, more of a mindset / mental health problem? OP you don't seem to be engaging practically with suggestions people are making and you sound quite defensive/dismissive, in a way that reminds me of friends when they've been in a difficult place mentally. You seem to be sure there are no options that work.

Would the real solution to this be to step back, make sure you put the right support around you to reduce depressive/anxious thoughts and enable you to gain perspective / be open to different suggestions?

I had a think about this thread and think I probably didn’t explain myself well. I think that regularly doing little bits in the house together would mean not everything is a huge task and spenny. Must be overwhelming.
Pick a room and give it a makeover. I understand being put off by tasks but with Google etc you can teach yourself anything.

Thank you for your suggestions.
I am not trying to be dismissive snd actually, company names for curtains are helpful. As for the sums I quoted earlier, these are the actual figures collected from local traders, not high-end brand names. So that's what I was expecting to have to pay.
As for painting - we did it once with the living room, then we had the kitchen refitted (a good few years ago) and saw how much better professional work looks. Not to mention that I am overwhelmingly busy with work and training - we all are - and we just don't have the headspace or the time for DYI.
The house is not "in a state", it is clean and functioning but could do with TLC.

But I agree, there is definitely a mindset/mental health issue at play. I am busy, stressed out (nothing major, normal life and work stuff, but there is a lot to handle all at once) and it would be just lovely having someone do the work on the house rather than cause additional stress with DYI gone wrong. Neither me nor DH have time or inclination to learn how to do it, never were particularly handy and could actually fairly painlessly afford all house repairs and refurbishment before.

Now the income has increased but the prices have gone up, and situation changed, and uncertainty is higher, and anxiety went up, and I just cannot bring myself to spend money on it. That's the point of my friend - as some PPs were wondering - and if the majority here genuinely cannot relate, then I am very happy for them. It is not a pleasant place to be.

*the point of my thread

A lot of the money in decorating and renovating houses is in the prep work.

If the ceiling is bowing and it’s boarded these can be pinned back into place and redecorated

curtains can be as much or as little as you’d want to spend.

I think you either need to accept staying in the current house and investing in it or market it to move to the house you’d like!!

I think if you really loved your current home, you would spend money to make it how you would like. There’s no point spending thousands when what you really want is to move. DH and I are in our forever home, it’s not perfect, but being in our 60’s, DH has no desire to want to move. We do spend on house, but not all at once and we try and just do one room at a time.

I recommend reading the book ‘die with zero’

You need a plan for that £2k and siphon off some of it for what you want now, give yourself a budget for some of the nice to have things you want now (but for the love of god do not pay £1000 for curtains and £1200 to paint one small room, you’re being shafted, do you really think normal people are paying those prices?!)

Anyway, rather than having one pot and feeling guilty about spending it, maybe do £1500 for long term savings and £500 for house or whatever else, and treat that second pot as one that can be dipped into for what you’re aiming for. Maybe that’ll give you “permission” and feel better?

It’s quite tricky to give advice without knowing roughly what your current savings and pension pots are and joint income, (you imply yours is lower than your husband). If you both have huge pension pots and 200k in savings then you are being overly cautious but your picture might not look like that at all. We are putting lots into the pension pot via salary sacrifice - avoiding the high earner tax trap and also hope to withdraw 25% tax free at 57 for deposits or paying off the mortgage. Maybe you could look at paying more in and you would feel less anxious as the money is locked away and can’t be spent now

It sounds like the anxiety around spending on the house is taking its toll. Would it be possible to make a firm decision to move asap? Or set a date to have the house on the market next year / get a valuation? There is no point ploughing more money into it if you’re moving. As you say you have no time or interest in DIY maybe a newer build house or one completely done up would bring you mentally a lot of peace.

I totally understand the overwhelming need to plan for the future and retirement etc but it sounds like this anxiety is really getting in the way of you enjoying life now so possibly compromises can be made. Eg Take 5k out of your savings and use it to spend on the house to improve things and don’t feel any guilt for that (if you decide not to sell). Or reduce to 1500 a month and both take some of the extra for enjoying life / holidays/ home improvements. Book a week off work and paint some rooms together..