Anyone else feel that expensive childcare has held them back for years? Particularly with 2+ kids..

[overlyhelpfulpeople]

I guess I’m just looking for some solidarity. I have 2 kids age 6 and 2. dC1 started nursery at 11 months when fees were still relatively cheap back in 2020, then we have DC2 and at one point had a period of 9 months with double fees. Now we have 30 free hours for DC2, but the prices have gone up so much we are paying the same as we were for DC1 when they first started nursery with no free hours.
We are over the worst of it but I can’t help sometimes but feel we have been held back massively by the 10’s of thousands of pounds we’ve spent on it.
I’d also say I’m one of these people that earns only a few hundred quid more than the fees themselves so it’s always felt like I’m working purely for my sanity as well as investing in the future (a future of no nursery fees).

Friends of ours have been able to go on wonderful holidays, amazing days out and bought flash cars when we’ve had to struggle on. I appreciate people will earn more than us, and so this isn’t just the fact we’ve paid full wack for childcare but I guess I’m always a little resentful when they’ve had family help.

Sadly I feel I have become a little bit too aware of peoples circumstances, and I’ve annoyingly become someone who compares a lot, I guess after years of being held back it can stick with you.

Anyway, I don’t want to come across negative, I adore my beautiful kids and I like working, it’s just hard when you know you still have 2 more years of nursery fees and a fixed mortgage about to end.. anyone else?

I would say this isn’t so much you being held back but the others with the free childcare being given a leg up.

Yes it is unfair - but so is every single way in which some people get more help from parents than others. There will be other people who would envy whatever help you have had from your parents in your life.

Yes…..I’m a single parent of twins and a singleton (receiving no CMS) so you can imagine the financial Armageddon. I took out a loan/ borrowed money to finance twins nursery costs which whilst made it affordable at the time compared to the £3k a month it was costing it does mean I’m paying it off for 10 years. At the time I was still married too …now I’m divorced the £300 loan repayments could really come in handy

doesnt get any better now they are at school either - to be able to work full time I have to use before/after school childminder which for 3 children 5 days per week is £1300 - the same as my mortgage!.

My friends/family who either didn’t work when the kids were small / STAHM / term time only working have big houses, new cars every 3 years and annual foreign holidays

i can’t blame solely the nursery costs as obviously divorcing hasn’t helped but I would guess the twins nursery fees alone from 20 weeks to age 3 when they got “free” hours was circa £90k plus! So when you add in my eldest plus needing childcare until they turn age 10 so can walk to/from school I’m probably in for £200k or more 😫

I can’t really see how you’ve been held back, you knew what you earned before you had kids and that you didn’t have family help. You are progressing in life with small children, 2 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things and like you say, you love having children. Comparison is the theft of joy, and it’s just bloody pointless really. Hopefully you can go on nicer holidays in a few years.

Oh and I try not to compare / be resentful. It’s not going to get me anywhere and certainly not going to replace all the money I’ve spent

I can hold my head high however that I’ve done it all on my own and I’m stronger and more resilient than I could ever have imagined. money is money. You can’t take it with you and my children know no different and by the time they start asking for bedrooms of their own / bigger car / fancy holidays hopefully I’m in a better place financially to be able to give it them

It’s not unfair to get help from your parents. My SIL helps with childcare but she can’t work because she has MS. You don’t know what other families go through so please stop bleating on about unfairness.

I get it Op. Wouldn’t change it for the world - I adore my kids and I’ve kept my pension going. Staying in the workforce has meant I have progressed (albeit slower than my male counterparts) but it feels relentless.

A lot of my friends didn’t need nursery or wrap around. At one point all three of my kids were tiny and it was crippling.

Even now with one teen and two primary it’s expensive, particularly over the holidays. Always feel like I’m catching up.

I’ve got 8 more years of paid childcare - by which my eldest will be looking at uni.

I had a break after the childcare years were done and felt back on track and now they are all teens it's back to a relentless cycle of shelling out enormous amounts of cash with driving lessons, insurance when they pass, uni fees etc etc. Appreciate these are all luxuries and they do have part time jobs to contribute but sometimes it feels like I will never have money again!

So no advice, but solidarity