Stretched too much? Separating.

[CleverOpalBalonz]

Hi, I’m currently separating from my husband and looking to buy him out the family home. It’s worth £300k and I’ve been told I will just about be able to buy him out with a mortgage and my maximum lending.
The monthly cost of my mortgage to do this will be £1150, my take home wage will be £2750 do that leaves me £1600 for all other bills: £150 council tax as single person, £200 currently gas and electricity, £50 water, £35 broadband, £15 TV Licence, £13 Netflix, £50 car insurance, £16 car tax, £30 professional fees and £75 for 3 mobiles.
That leaves me with £966 for food, petrol, socialising, kids activities, clothes, repairs etc.
is this too tight? I could move to a smaller home worth around £240,000 however I will have larger legal fees, moving fees, furniture and I’d really like to keep the children in the family home if possible. A mortgage on the smaller home would be £290 a month less.

is it worth the stretch to try to keep the family home? The children are 12 & 14 and are quite attached to it, their friends are also very local and the smaller homes I can afford are not as close although still only a 20-30 minute walk.

Tight but people manage on less.
Can you extend the term ?
Will you get maintenance?

I earn slightly more and my mortgage is slightly less and its an absolute battle every month but then I have also been trying to pay off £12k divorce / moving / kitting out new place debt as ex wouldn't shift from fmh. I shop round for everything and would suggest that you could look at cutting some of those bills such as utilities, neflix, car insurance and mobiles. If your ex has some custody then your food bill will be less too and you could turn off heating in unused rooms on his custody days.

Tight but doable. Hopefully your pay will increase and your bills will be less without him there. I’ve been in your position and it was so much easier for us to stay put in our home. Did redecorate bedroom pretty quickly though.

If we can manage on 875 for a month after bills with 7 kids and 3 pets then it's very manageable and that gives us 3 holidays a year. If your careful no reason you can't do it. The only thing we changed when I stopped working was brands, took some getting used to but now I don't even notice my hot chocolate isn't a brand name or bread etc

You'll be fine. I found that men are generally very expensive. When I split from ex, my household costs dropped by far more than his share.

Thanks all for your contributions so far. I will have more time to shop around, he will have the kids 3 nights a week or 50/50 so food costs will reduce. Unfortunately I’m NHS so my wage is very unlikely to increase but I can certainly try to cut some of my bills. It’s daunting going from 2 wages to 1, I know people manage on less but it’s reducing the impact on the kids as much as possible that worries me. I don’t want them giving up hobbies etc but we can certainly cut back on things.
I feel safe in this house and know what repairs are coming up so it feel scary thinking about moving.
@JustMe2026 how on earth do you manage 3 holidays a year? I’m impressed.

Think about whether you need both a TV licence and Netflix, do you watch enough live TV/BBC to benefit?

Your G&E, mobiles and broadband are more than they need to be so could cut close to £100 pm in total off those.

Who will be getting the CB? Will their father be contributing towards their clothes, activities, hobbies etc? I assume that maintenance will be little or nothing if he has them nearly half the time?

If you're in the NHS, can you do the odd bank shift to bring in extra money? Even one or two a month could make a difference.

I’ll probably get rid of the TV License to be honest, the only thing we watch on BBC is traitors and only live TV is if the World Cup or euros is on so it’s not worth it.
I’ve no idea why our G&E is so high but I can’t get it down, I think it’s because it’s open plan but I’d turn off heating in rooms when the children aren’t here and invest in an electric blanket for my bedroom - would be a good Christmas present for me to ask for.
I’ll be getting child benefit and we’ve yet to work out contributions to clothes, activity costs are shared 50/50.
Ex is a high ish earner, but being difficult with money currently insisting everything is 50/50 even though it’s leaving me with £600 this month for food, petrol, clothes and living and him £2000. So I’m not sure how that will go until I get legal advice about the future.
i work full time in a Monday-Friday 9-5 service so bank unlikely but I’d happily look for ad-hoc work as needed. Or online only childcare free evenings if possible.

Is there any way he will let You buy it out
for slightly less for stability of hiS Children? Ie 270-280?

@Caspianberg doubtful although he’s willing to take on more than 50% of (his) debt. I am going to see a solicitor though to see if I’m entitled to more than 50% as I am at the roof of my earnings, he is not and his salary is 65-70% above mine.

Do you get UC etc?

@CleverOpalBalonz i would def ask or push for paying slightly under valued amount if he earns x3 amount and for your family stability. As then you will get a better monthly mortgage rate

Are you on a water meter? They are generally cheaper than water rates.

Phones can def be reduced once out of contract. £6.99 at O2 gives plenty data, minutes , etc.. so you can easily 1/2 bill at least from £75 to say £30

Is this unsecured debt? How did it arise and what was it spent on? Currently, it doesn't sound like you should be struggling with the cost of living if you can afford to (just about) take on the whole mortgage and living costs alone so why would he be in debt when he earns quite a lot more than you?

If it's his personal wants rather than family essentials, I don't see how any of it should fall on your shoulders.

ETA: Or are you talking about mortgage debt and I've misunderstood?

Don’t move. It’s tight to stay where you are but you will eventually end up with a bigger asset and moving will cost many thousands. Plus the headache which you don’t need right now.
Can you extend the mortgage?

Make sure you’re very clear with ex that 50:50 means it when it comes to spending on the children.

Have you has legal advice on the settlement? Doesn’t factor in any loss of pension etc from childcare years?

Also, be aware that 50:50 care doenst have to mean he pays no maintenance. During divorce it can still be argued that if they earn considerable more due to you having earnt less caring for children that they don’t actually get 50/50 of house for example.
and that if one person earns considerable more, they still pay maintenance of some sort as they won’t be impacted buying say £100 of kids clothing v low earner or paying only 50% of school trip costing £600 is nothing to high earner v several months savings for low.

Thanks, I will explore CMS more.

We are on a water meter but had a leak so bills are still coming down from that but I expect they will continue to reduce.

He has a lot of unsecured credit card debt, I was unaware of it until very recently and still don’t know what it was spent on but I have been told it is classed as joint debt as we are still married. I have clearly defined date of separation and have separated finances almost fully now, with last things being moved so that I can distance myself financially from him.

I have an appointment booked for legal advice around finances.