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Benefit rant- seems really unfair?

276 replies

Tralalalalaa24 · 09/10/2025 22:10

I know I will probably get a bashing for what I’m about to say. But for the record I’ve always worked full time until I had my children and then financially it made no sense to work full time and pay nursery fees to not see my child much so I dropped to part time hours and have remained part time as I’ve gone on to have 3 more children. I then became a single mum to those children and have no financial help whatsoever from the dad but have managed ok on my wages and UC top up. I’m now in the position of wanting to live with my partner but it means I will lose all my benefits due to his wages. He’s not a massive earner (around 40k) I get that’s what the system is but it seems really unfair that he will be held financially responsible for my children. He has two children of his own who he has 50% of the time and still pays child maintenance for. So ultimately it means we can’t afford to live together without it being a struggle which I don’t want for my kids, or for his. Not really sure what I’m after as there is no solution, we just won’t live together until I’m in a position where I go full time when my kids are a bit older. Just wondered if this is a common issue people have

OP posts:
mumoftwo99x · 10/10/2025 18:22

@tramtracks
I get UC and in order for my full entitlement to be wiped out by wages I’d have to earn £4,956 per month after tax. Which I think is roughly 70-80k gross annual salary. So it is possible.

hellhavenofury35 · 10/10/2025 18:27

So the state and my tax should continue to pay for your lifestyle. You get a boyfriend that moves in he will contribute to the house. Then you don't need benefits anymore. Get on with life. To many people sitting on their backsides waiting for the state to bail them out. When this country goes bankrupt and there is no benefit dropping in your bank account. What are you going to do then....run to the boyfriend to move in!

BoxesOnTheWardrobe · 10/10/2025 18:33

arcticpandas · 10/10/2025 08:36

I chose to have two children with my DH because I would want to give them a good, financially stable upbringing and also have time for them. If you go on to have 4 kids you should be a very high earner/partner high earner or be very happy to live frugally.

What I know is that many (I know of 3 mums in my DS primary) who claim they live alone with children in order to get housing provided + benefits. Two of those have the father living with them but not declared (the men have declared living with their mothers). One has got a partner living with her non declared. So they have benefitted from getting housing and benefits for being single mums but are in reality not single at all and have the partners income as well so have a better lifestyle than a classic family on low wages. I think it's disgusting.

It won't work to cheat the system with blended families though because children will need to be declared where they live.

Why haven’t you reported them?

tramtracks · 10/10/2025 18:51

mumoftwo99x · 10/10/2025 18:22

@tramtracks
I get UC and in order for my full entitlement to be wiped out by wages I’d have to earn £4,956 per month after tax. Which I think is roughly 70-80k gross annual salary. So it is possible.

Wow. I’m guessing you have high accommodation costs and/or children with additional expenses.

TheaBrandt1 · 10/10/2025 19:02

I think this will all need to change it’s unsustainable. People on £70k getting benefits is all kinds off wrong.

Hiddenhouse · 10/10/2025 19:05

This I really don’t understand! How do you get UC with that income?

Lovethystupidneighbour · 10/10/2025 19:17

Catsknowbest · 10/10/2025 09:17

As a benefits specialist I'm sitting here scratching my head as to how you managed that.......

Rent, 2 kids in childcare basically

SanJoseroadtrip · 10/10/2025 19:19

Lovethystupidneighbour · 10/10/2025 19:17

Rent, 2 kids in childcare basically

The rent element needs to be removed. Just UC to cover food.

ThisTicklishFatball · 10/10/2025 19:33

OP, next time you feel the need to rant about life's problems, consider turning to AI platforms instead of Mumsnet.

AI has become an incredible tool for venting, exploring doubts, planning, running through scenarios, and so much more. The best part is avoiding criticism or negativity from others, which can happen here.

And let’s not forget good old friends like search tools such as Google.

mumoftwo99x · 10/10/2025 19:45

@tramtracksYes I get standard allowance, 2 child elements, rental costs, severely disabled child element + carers element. Obviously what I earn then gets deducted but I was very surprised to learn how much I’d have to earn to get a nil award. It’s because one of my children is severely physically disabled, I’d much rather have 0 benefits and rely on just full time working but unfortunately I didn’t think I’d be left as a single mother whilst my child was having amputated limbs

Fiftyandme · 10/10/2025 19:47

Tralalalalaa24 · 09/10/2025 22:10

I know I will probably get a bashing for what I’m about to say. But for the record I’ve always worked full time until I had my children and then financially it made no sense to work full time and pay nursery fees to not see my child much so I dropped to part time hours and have remained part time as I’ve gone on to have 3 more children. I then became a single mum to those children and have no financial help whatsoever from the dad but have managed ok on my wages and UC top up. I’m now in the position of wanting to live with my partner but it means I will lose all my benefits due to his wages. He’s not a massive earner (around 40k) I get that’s what the system is but it seems really unfair that he will be held financially responsible for my children. He has two children of his own who he has 50% of the time and still pays child maintenance for. So ultimately it means we can’t afford to live together without it being a struggle which I don’t want for my kids, or for his. Not really sure what I’m after as there is no solution, we just won’t live together until I’m in a position where I go full time when my kids are a bit older. Just wondered if this is a common issue people have

That’s the way it is. It’s not fair but until the country make sure there are real consequences such as jail time or revoking of driving license and Leon’s put on assets/seizing of assets to pay equally gif yhe children yhey jade, this is the state of play.

InMyShowgirlEra · 10/10/2025 20:18

Catterbat · 10/10/2025 18:04

The OP clearly said she became a single parent after she’d had 4 children. Are you saying that nobody should have children just in case their circumstances change and they can no longer afford them? Because that could literally happen to anyone.

She's still pregnant with the 4th so it's not by her ex, it's by the new guy.

Your scenario assumes that she married an involved, responsible father who provided financially for the family through 3 pregnancies and then, for some unknown reason, upped sticks and left and never saw the kids or sent a penny again. Unlikely.

Nighttimeistherightime · 10/10/2025 20:48

PeonyPatch · 10/10/2025 08:03

Agreed! This is where they should be focusing!

Absolutely! HMRC forced me to repay the tax credits they inadvertently awarded me very efficiently, and yet cannot get a father (who was in the Royal Navy so hardly incognito!) to pay his contributions. 6 years and counting. Oh and I’ve worked full time (for 34 years) whilst bringing them both up.
Don’t put the blame on the woman in this situation- she isn’t the one who has abandoned her children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/10/2025 11:38

Catatemyhomework · 10/10/2025 08:34

WTF! UC on a joint income of 70K? I here on these threads all the time that someone earning 60, 70, 80K is loaded and shouldn't complain and suck up more tax rises and then I read this. Honestly no wonder this country is fucked.

I am shocked @Lovethystupidneighbour that your family gets uc with £70k income

I can only assume

you have high rent or mortgage support

you have multiple children or disability elements

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:06

nilniosk · 10/10/2025 15:07

Lots of posts on men not paying, which should be criminal, but not much talk about the men who do pay, and that this amount doesn’t need to be declared? I have a friend who works part time and claims full UC AND gets £700 a month from the dad! Why is this not accounted for? She is very comfortable, far more than someone working full time on an average salary and I don’t blame her, but the system is a joke!

Madness isn't it. people will always harp on about CM not being guaranteed/ regular but many men do pay religiously for years on end. In my opinion it should be deducted from benefits. Why does the resident parent need a load of UC on top when the dad is contributing regularly and reliably ? Benefits are completely out of control.

Fiftyandme · 11/10/2025 12:11

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:06

Madness isn't it. people will always harp on about CM not being guaranteed/ regular but many men do pay religiously for years on end. In my opinion it should be deducted from benefits. Why does the resident parent need a load of UC on top when the dad is contributing regularly and reliably ? Benefits are completely out of control.

Edited

It doesn’t need declaring. Simple. That’s the law.

And as for what men ‘pay’ - the law requires far less financial commitment than 50% of the cost of raising a child (if a man Actuallg pays and doesnt dodge with zero consequences) CMS is gof the children, not for the receiving parent.

Fiftyandme · 11/10/2025 12:15

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:06

Madness isn't it. people will always harp on about CM not being guaranteed/ regular but many men do pay religiously for years on end. In my opinion it should be deducted from benefits. Why does the resident parent need a load of UC on top when the dad is contributing regularly and reliably ? Benefits are completely out of control.

Edited

But to take your point lets pretend UC isn’t allowed for oarents who’ve successfully gof the itger oarent to pay a measly amount towards theif child’s needs (which includes a tood iver theif heads) …please tell me how a full time working oarent on minimum wage with a £70/week ‘child maintenance’ payment on top can afford the very basics on £180/month? The 1850 is the £1500 a single person comes out with on minimum wage plus the ‘generous’ ‘top up’ from a father on around £35,000 for 1 child. 1 bed rentals (so mim sleeping in a sofa in the lounge) are aroubd £900/month.

The child is two and dad won’t have the child more than 4 nights/month becayse his job takes presidency. I await your keen budgeting skills.

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:17

Fiftyandme · 11/10/2025 12:15

But to take your point lets pretend UC isn’t allowed for oarents who’ve successfully gof the itger oarent to pay a measly amount towards theif child’s needs (which includes a tood iver theif heads) …please tell me how a full time working oarent on minimum wage with a £70/week ‘child maintenance’ payment on top can afford the very basics on £180/month? The 1850 is the £1500 a single person comes out with on minimum wage plus the ‘generous’ ‘top up’ from a father on around £35,000 for 1 child. 1 bed rentals (so mim sleeping in a sofa in the lounge) are aroubd £900/month.

The child is two and dad won’t have the child more than 4 nights/month becayse his job takes presidency. I await your keen budgeting skills.

Edited

I'm not saying they shouldn't get any UC. I am saying that the amount of CM they receive if paid regularly should be taken off the UC. If both parents are supporting the upkeep of the child, the state does not need to top up as much do they ?

Fiftyandme · 11/10/2025 12:22

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:17

I'm not saying they shouldn't get any UC. I am saying that the amount of CM they receive if paid regularly should be taken off the UC. If both parents are supporting the upkeep of the child, the state does not need to top up as much do they ?

Again, I await your keen budgeting skills. I’ve given you a pretty common scenario…show yhd Workd how it’s workable - you neex to include the fact that kids are frequently excluded from nursery for sickness and dad refuses flatly to take time off whrn yhis happens (another common situation)

Go run the figures abx yhd scenarios. You feel you all the answers… show us how the budget will work, how childcare will work, abx how mim keeps her full time job. Clearly youvd been in this position, so you must know the solutions.

intrepidpanda · 11/10/2025 12:29

What's the difference between your new man supporting them or the taxpayer?
Either way someone who didn't choose to have them is supporting them

Sux2buthen · 11/10/2025 12:48

user1492757084 · 10/10/2025 05:35

Why don't you persue the father for proper support of his children?

Ohhhh!!!! Of course! No mums have ever even considered this! What silly billies we all are.
Thankyou, that’s really helped

TheSpiritofDarkandLonelyWater · 11/10/2025 13:11

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:17

I'm not saying they shouldn't get any UC. I am saying that the amount of CM they receive if paid regularly should be taken off the UC. If both parents are supporting the upkeep of the child, the state does not need to top up as much do they ?

If that was to happen then it should just be taken off the child element of UC and not the whole lot. It wont happen anyway as child maintenance is not counted.

Mumofteenandtween · 12/10/2025 08:53

Harriet9955 · 11/10/2025 12:17

I'm not saying they shouldn't get any UC. I am saying that the amount of CM they receive if paid regularly should be taken off the UC. If both parents are supporting the upkeep of the child, the state does not need to top up as much do they ?

It used to be but so many men stopped paying suddenly thus plunging children into poverty that something had to change.

What the fact that the state decided to ignore the father’s contribution rather than enforce it says about both their view of their own competence and on their view of how men treat their children is actually quite shocking. But here we are.

When I become Prime Minister the first thing I will do is turn the CMS into a terrifying agency with teeth. Shark’s teeth at that.

BoxesOnTheWardrobe · 19/10/2025 13:42

Sux2buthen · 11/10/2025 12:48

Ohhhh!!!! Of course! No mums have ever even considered this! What silly billies we all are.
Thankyou, that’s really helped

Perhaps you could have considered having children with a responsible man in the first place.

it isn’t fair to expect the taxpayer to fund your overwhelming desire to be a “mumma”.

Sux2buthen · 19/10/2025 14:42

@BoxesOnTheWardrobe yes, he revealed his true nature straight away of course. As my children and I relaxed in the refuge in hiding I did of course blame myself.
silly little troll, go back under your bridge

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