Should I hate myself for this?

[FunnyCrab]

Hi everyone,

I'm a 32-year-old woman in the UK, and I’ve always tried to be sensible with money. Over the years, I managed to save while also doing a bit of travelling, and at one point I had built up around £35,000 in savings.

However, after hitting that milestone, I began to struggle with depression and loneliness. Unfortunately, that led me to gambling. It started as a way to cope with those feelings, mostly at night when I felt low, and over time it became a harmful habit. I ended up losing around £10,000 of my savings to gambling over the past few years - sometimes spending as much as £1,000 in a single night. Despite this, I continued to save and never touched a certain portion of my money.

Eventually, I recognised that it had become a serious problem. I deeply regretted it and signed up to Gamstop last year. When that self-exclusion expired recently, I thought I was in control and started gambling again. Unfortunately, I quickly relapsed and lost £900 in one session. That was a wake-up call. I immediately registered for Gamstop again - this time indefinitely - because I now fully accept that I am not in control when it comes to gambling. I've learned a hard lesson, and I won’t be going back.

Right now, I have £55,000 in untouched savings, and I’ve made a firm commitment to continue building on that. But despite this, I can’t help feeling regret about the money I lost. I think about what I could have done with that £10,000—the holidays, the nice things I could have bought myself, especially since I’ve never been someone who splurges on designer items or luxury purchases. It really makes me feel sad sometimes.

So I guess I’m asking:

• Is it normal to make mistakes like this, even when you’re generally responsible?
• Is £55,000 still considered a solid amount of savings?
• And most importantly, how can I let go of the guilt and sadness about the money I lost?

Any advice to help me process this and move on mentally would be really appreciated.

Thanks so much for reading.

Average savings in UK for your age group is just under 10k.

In answer to your question in your thread title, no, you should not hate yourself.

Nothing is ever achieved by doing that. Much better to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and resolve to learn by them. Anyway, you were suffering from depression, and couldn't actually help what you were doing. Please don't blame yourself for what happened.

Stop dwelling on what is past and what might have been. Be thankful that you are looking forwards now, have taken a very sensible decision regarding your gambling, and you are doing your very best to overcome this addiction.

Regarding practical advice - maybe speak to your bank and find out whether they have a long-term savings account into which you can invest your savings, and which is not accessible for a period of time such as five years or so. If you lock the money away, you can't spend it.

One positive way of looking at it is, you've spent £10k to learn something important about yourself, which will stand you in good stead for decades to come.

I think an important part of healing is forgiving yourself for what has already happened, as well as putting processes in place that help stop you repeating mistakes. Your savings are good, so well done for that, but dont allow yourself to become complacent either! Unfortunatly, it will be a life long thing you'll have to monitor your feelings and thoughts around, even when you're doing well.
Support in some form is vital. Do you have a gambler annon near you

No it's not 'normal' to make this kind or level of financial mistake, as most people aren't gambling addicts. But...

Yes, £55,000 is a very solid amount of savings.
And yes you should forgive yourself. People do much worse things, and at least your gambling has only been detrimental to you and hasn't hurt anyone else (I presume). You have been punished by losing the money. You don't need to punish yourself further. You've learned your lesson and hopefully will accept you can't trust yourself without measures in place to stop you gambling again.

As someone with an addictive personality I can totally understand how this happens, especially if you’ve been feeling low as a win (however small) gives you a dopamine hit that makes you feel something. I also regret some gambling losses I’ve made in the past. You need to forgive yourself. £55k is an amazing amount of savings for a 32 year old, so well done for that. Concentrate on the future instead of worrying about the past, you can’t change that. Therapy might be helpful. Wishing you all the best

People who suffer from addiction of course spend lots of money on it, and gambling can make you burn through a lot of cash fast.

It's fantastic you've managed to stop. Could you try going to gamblers anonymous meetings online or in person?

Stay strong and occupied. It's great you've got so much savings and you should put them in an account you cannot withdraw from easily. You worked hard for it and don't want to lose it.

Where are you holding your savings ? It would make sense to have it somewhere you can’t access on a whim but I’d focus on your excellent achievement

Thanks everyone, I’ve put it in an ISA which I don’t touch. Working on building on my savings.

We all spend money on things we eventually regret- from a pair of shoes never worn /clothes i will one day fit into all the way to spending years and thousands supporting a marriage that wasn't worth the effort. As p.p said spending 10,000 to learn this much about yourself is a total investment. Congratulations on saving too. Better than I ever have. Dont beat yourself up - embrace you are a better version of you than you were two years ago and make sure you enjoy your savings at some point.