How do I stop getting so easily influenced to spend money

[HopeLoveMum]

I’m a SAHM to 2 young kids (under 2) and I am planning on going back to work in January part time. I feel I get very easily influenced to buy things (nothing expensive, usually on Vinted or sales etc) to make myself feel better about how tough it is parenting 2 rowdy kids!

It’s not good mentally to feel I always need more when really I have a lot already clothes makeup etc wise.
Until I start work and keep occupied how can I keep myself from buying more. It’s like I keep saying I deserve it. DH works hard full time but I use my own savings.

You need to award yourself an allowance per week. Even if it's very small and stick to that.

I realised I was going down this slippery slope, so now I only let myself make online purchases on the 15th and 30th of the month.

In between times I send myself links to what I thought I wanted, and almost always by the time I actually go to buy the stuff I've realised I don't want it anymore.

Have an allowance

I used vinted to "swap things" so I sell mine and kids stuff before I buy which limits damage as its only a few pounds

Also make a list of what clothes kids ACTUALLY need so not buying tonnes of crap ie 8 hoodies and 14 gilets etc

I wish I knew . Just strolling through Lidl Middle Aisle of Stuff made me realise that I am a marketer's dream as I contemplated buying so much more useless and unnecessary things .

This sounds like a good plan.

Make your shopping apps harder to open. Put them in a folder inside another folder inside another folder on your phone.

Notice the time of day or circumstances when you start browsing and shopping. Find something else to do at that point in time. Are you bored? Find something more exciting

Replace your habit for shopping with a habit for something else. Find something else that you deserve.

Find something else to do with the money that feels more worthwhile. You could learn how to invest, you could join a club/gym

Open a separate savings account for a "goal" item. Holiday, new bed, a special meal at a great restaurant. Leave it there and watch it grow.

Do a review of stuff you already have. Rearrange your wardrobe to make outfits. Use your nicest best stuff everyday.

Creating a wish list works for me. I add things to it and then at the end of the month I have a look at what I actually still want to buy off it - usually nothing! I also remind myself that a lot of what I want to buy is just landfill fodder, which doesn’t need to go there via my house.

Sounds like dopamine seeking. You need to find new ways to get that dopamine. Or learn to live without it.

Instead of buying now I started a ‘pot’ on my Monzo for ‘my treats’ - every time I’m tempted to buy anything eg a coffee, a top, make up whatever instead I usually put the same amount in that account (or at least £5) and I don’t buy the thing. Then at the end of the month I look what I have and either spend it on something I really do want/need or put it in my savings. It works because I don’t feel denied but I’m not just buying random tat.

this month I bought myself a ZIIP halo thing which was an absolute treat (£280!) but I hadn’t bought anything for over 6 months other than a mascara. Seems at least I get something decent now rather than £20 here and there. I am working and not off with my kids so temptations are less but i understand how you feel as I used to do the exact same. I could ‘afford’ it but I knew it was a waste and I had loads of stuff I didn’t need. I also banned myself from buying new make up before the old is run out - this helped me as I was terrible at buying stuff when out and ending up with so much I just wasn’t using. Now I have to use all products I buy or I pass to my teenager at the least before I buy another.

i also do the vinted thing - sell to raise money first then buy.

The urge to shop can just be a dopamine craving, or it can sometimes be our hearts telling us that if we had x, y and z, life would be easier/better/happier. It's rarely true. It's a very human need to have some control over events beyond our control. I find it helps to remember that whenever I'm tempted. That armchair/pair of boots/insert-random-thing-here might look gorgeous but it won't fix my job/relationship/insert-underlying-problem-area-here.

Harsh words from here:
Stop looking on those sites - use some willpower!!
Think what you are teaching your kids about instant gratification.

Get a grip!

(& yes, you can do it, and it will be so empowering 💐)

I came off all social media. I started saving and instead I really ask myself do I need it or just want it. And more importantly do I want the money more…the answer is usually yes! When buying clothing it’s one item in and one item out. It’s all about changing your mindset

You should be having access to the joint and not using your savings if you want to buy a small thing like a coffee.

How are you doing @HopeLoveMum ?