Really struggling money wise

[Theroadnottravelled]

After some advice. Married with DH and we have 2 kids, 3 and 5. I work part time in a low paid job, 20 hours a week. DH is self employed and earns more. We live in SE and our mortgage is massive. High outgoings too. Not a luxury home by any stretch. We just don’t make enough money. Car failed its MOT and unsure how we’ll pay for it. I used to work full time in a well paid job but for health reasons had to quit. UC won’t give us anything. Is there anything I can do? I’m so stressed with worry.

It sounds like you need to increase your working hours OP or find something that pays more money. There are short term things like credit cards which could get you through your MOT but ultimately if you can’t afford to live then you either need to be earning more money or reducing your expenses, moving to a cheaper area etc.

Have you completed a full budgeting spreadsheet (eg the template from money saving expert) that lists out all spending for the year, to give you both a realistic picture of your spending and where you can cut down? A spending app such as Snoop (I didn’t understand the YNAB one!) is also great to see where all your spending is going and help to keep it on track?
is your husband aware that financially there is a problem and are you discussing this together? (For example holidays will need to go, extra hobbies, meals out, gifts, take away etc until you get on track with some savings)

Can you do a couple of evenings a week in hospitality to boost your income? When my DC were small I worked evenings as well as PT during the day.

I’m sorry I don’t really have any suggestions if you can’t work more than 20 hours a week due to health your household income is going to be really restricted.

Short term, if you can’t increase your income all the obvious things are about cutting costs - why are outgoings so high?

You could talk to your mortgage lender about going onto interest-only payments for a while, or ask for a break of a month in your mortgage payments to let you get back on top while you find other savings.

Given the subject of the car came up:Do you run two vehicles and do you really need both?

That’s a good suggestion, thanks

Just one car. My DH doesn’t drive.

Could you not work part time or dh increase his earnings? Sell up & Move to a cheaper place?

I’ve looked into it. My DD2 is at nursery 3 days a week, I look after her the other two. If I went full time again, I’d have to put her in 5 days a week. It just doesn’t make financial sense. DH works so hard as it is. We don’t even live in an expensive area, but because it’s in the south, house prices are extraordinary. I’m just screwed really. What’s the point?

If DD is in nursery 3 days then you can work at least 24 hours, plus perhaps a weekend day when DH can have the kids. That extra 12 hours work will make a world of difference. Not saying that's not tough, but it's the reality for most people I know.

Could look at a retail job for when shes in nursery? Or become a re-seller. I know a few people who go round car boot sales & what not, and then re-sell on vinted and fb market and make quite a bit of extra money.

Do you need to live where you do? You don’t mention being reliant on family support for childcare, and your jobs don’t sound as though they’re dependent on being close to London. You wouldn’t necessarily have to move terribly far to be out of SE house prices and have lower mortgage payments / rent.

Can DH look into becoming employed? If he’s working incredibly hard at whatever he does self employed yet still not coming out with a decent enough income to keep the family afloat, you may well end up being better off financially and in terms of the time and energy he has available to support you to do some extra freelance work.

are you willing to post your income and outgoings so we can help you with a budget?

It’s very tough. How much is the car bill? Do you have any debt? Do you have 3 bedrooms - is there any potential to rent out the third bedroom??

There's always two real options, increase income or reduce outgoings.

How well controlled are your outgoings? Do you know exactly what you spend everything on, each month?

I’ve cut all the outgoings I can. No meals out, socialising, we’re looking at the basics plus the girls swimming lessons. No joy. No extras. How did it get so bad? I’m educated, had a career but have nothing to show for it. It’s a fight to keep going tbh.

I work part time in a low paid job, 20 hours a week.

Is your DH work quite flexible? Is there any chance you can increase hours at your current job? Unfortunately the only thing I can think of to help is to earn more.

Are your childcare costs high. That can be a strain on a budget. Look at your outgoings and see if you can make any savings there.

It got this bad when you chose to work part-time. How did you think you were going to afford the nice stuff with much less income? I would look for a second job in retail / hospitality as there’ll be retailers and hospitality venues looking for staff in the run up to Christmas.

When you are low paid, and having to pay nursery, you might only do a bit better than breaking even. There is no point. If one parent does all of the running of the home because the other works long hours, you will be absolutely exhausted from doing two full time jobs. Family's that I know where both work full time, both parents carry the running of the household. I assume because OP said partner works very long hours, she probably does all the running around. How can she do that and do a 40 hour job, without the capillaries in her eyes bursting??

You mentioned health meant you had to reduce your hours-it may be an idea to look into claiming PIP as that isn’t means tested. Depending on household income there may be other benefits to help.
There are also councils that offer grants such as household support funds but again that depends on your household income/circumstances.
You sound, understandably, fed up but please don’t despair; there is support out there but it’s knowing where to find it and then to ask. Good luck .

It says in the OP she didn't choose to go part time. People don't generally choose to be sick or disabled.

Surely you could find work on weekends when he’s home with the children.

The only answer is more income. Can you manage to work a few evenings or one day on the weekend when you don’t need childcare? Might be the best way until your youngest is in school full time.

Are you tied to the South? I live in the South East and am a single parent. It’s ridiculously expensive and when my youngest finishes 6th form in June, we are moving to the North West where I can finally buy. If you could move, I really would as life would be a lot easier in a cheaper area.