annoyed at brother

[chaiselonguer]

Hi,

I generally get in with my brother - he's a decent guy and has been through some issues etc. He currently lives with our mum following his divorce. I have just discovered that he has borrowed some money from mum's account without asking - £350. He paid it back in two weeks later.

For context, we both have power of attorney over mum's money and health although this hasn't kicked in yet as she is still in sound mind. She is vulnerable though and relies on brother for most things including managing her bills etc. She has lent him money before and has always said that we can borrow from her - she has quite a lot of savings.

On this occasion he needed to pay a £350 bill quite urgently so used mum's money and then transferred it back in back in when he was paid two weeks later. I can see that there are no other transactions that worry me. He said he didn't tell mum as he knew she wouldn't mind and it was only ever a short term thing.

I feel angry at him but dh thinks I am overreacting and that there's no harm done - WWYD? Do I speak to mum?

It seems that you can keep an eye on the account, PLUS, it was very short term and paid back on his pay day PLUS you agree that your Mum has said before either of you can borrow money PLUS it wasn't going to leave her short.

So I think 'very angry' seems over the top.
That said, I think a calm chat with your brother about some 'rules' would make sense. Potentially saying that if either of you want to do that, then you should have a conversation with the other one first. I would also suggest that it needs to have been an exceptional thing and not a habit, or seen as a regular 'safety net'.

No I think this is a massive overstep of power of attorney. He can’t be doing that and you should make it clear it leaves him massively vulnerable to misuse of POA.

if he’s short again he needs to come to you and not touch your mums money at all.

This is a very slippery slope as once you have done it once it’s easier to do it the next time.

You need to talk to your brother and make it clear this must never happen again. Make sure you keep a close eye on all your Mum’s money.

While I agree that he shouldn't have done this the POA has not been activated by the sound of it so the brother has not overstepped his POA duties.
Does not bode well for the future if the POA is activated though

Going against the grain here, I can completely understand why you are so angry.

@chaiselonguer I emphasise as your position is identical to mine and my brothers and moms current circs.

So mom has a POA also but not yet invoked because she’s mentally capable at the moment - same as your moms. Therefore, your brother should have been upfront and asked her permission. I don’t understand PP saying it’s not such a big deal as mom has said she’s happy to lend money. However, she didn’t I imagine expect to not be asked first. It’s her money and she should know what’s going on. It doesn’t matter the amount or how fast brother paid it back, it’s the principle so of course you are correct to be very angry with him as he’s breached her trust.

If it were me, I’d be asking him to tell mom. Dress it up as he forget to tell her if he must, but I would ask him to let her know and by doing so, hopefully it will stick in his mind and make him transparent and up front if he needs any such help again at any point in the future.

He should have asked and I'd be annoyed at him for not doing so. You need full transparency when dealing with other people's finances and it's not appropriate for him to be dipping in to her money without asking even if he paid her back quickly