Financial arrangements for children looking with grandparents

[jazziewoo]

A close friend separated from his wife recently due to infidelity on her part. Since then he is in a house share and the rented house they lived in has been given up and the children have gone to live with her parents whilst she is rumoured to be living with 'someone' it's not been clarified who as of yet (she says a friend) but we do know she is definitely not staying with the children as they are saying they don't see her much and also they are only in a 2 bed property. The thing is she is asking him for £100 every week for the children (teenagers) or saying she will go through CSA , he absolutely does not mind paying for his children BUT we do not believe this money is being passed on to her parents who are effectively raising the children, We also strongly suspect she is keeping the child's benifit and is probably claiming UC as a single parent she does work full time but will no doubt be getting a top up. I have told him to send the money to her parents directly but because he is worried about her going through CSA and tbh he is close to a breakdown he is doing what she wants. I am really struggling watching all this unfold and feel angry that she is sitting pretty financially with no responsibilities where he is broken having been separated from his children as he cannot afford to rent a home privately on his own to have his children back with him . Also surely if she isn't living with the children either she should be paying half of their keep too and not able to claim benefits for them?

He needs to rent somewhere, get the kids with him and claim the child benefit and UC top up, and do this through the courts if necessary.

Can you work out how much he would pay via csa from the website? That might reassure him.
Then he should simply tell her parents and let them do the rest.
Either £100 is the right amount or not. He needs to take the ability to manipulate him away

Presumably he has access to the children (and consequently the grandparents)?

He needs to talk to them and find out what financial support they're getting and whether the money he sends is reaching them. And yes, using the CSA calculator to ensure that he's paying the right amount.

Why is he not privately renting and raising his children himself? How has it been established that the grandparents are raising the children?!

I think the financial aspect is the least of his worries! Why aren’t the kids with him?!

Yes he has access to children they are teens and have phones and they arrange to meet up , unfortunately the relationship with the grandparents has broken down too due to a big fall out and they would no doubt cover for their daughter who they have enabled this kind of behaviour.. the same happened with her firstborn they basically raised them until they were 10 years old untill she got with my friend , it's all very complicated there is a lot of debt and money issues and she gave the house up after he moved out and now he cannot afford to rent somewhere privately on his own on his wage .

Due to a lot of debt and money problems he cannot afford to rent privately on his wage which is why he is now in a house share situation. Though i have been advising him to work towards this. i dont know if he would be considered for a housing association place if he is working and she is claiming to be the resident parent .

He had to move out and could only afford a house share , she gave the privately rented house up and sent the kids to her parents after he had left . He cannot afford to rent privately on his own pay bills on his wage. I am
looking into this for him though.

He should apply for custody of his own children if he believes their DM is not caring for them.

Has he sought help from somewhere like CAB for his debt?
Surely if she is claiming child benefit for children who aren't living with her then that's fraud.

But could he if he had custody of the dc and was claiming the relevant benefits, plus maintenance from the mother?

He sounds very passive, he has legal rights as a father, as well as moral, and needs to man up, basically. Take the mother to court if need be

If he's willing to pay the £100 a week give it directly to the grandparents, just make sure he gets receipts.

Realistically he has two choices. Pay her, or don't. You say relationships have broken down with him and the grandparents so he wouldn't be able to approach them to pay them

You have no way to say for sure money is not being passed on from the maintenance payments he makes

You say her parents would 'cover' for her. If she isnt passing on any payments there would be no benefit to this as they themselves would be able to make applications for maintenance against both parents if they wanted to.

I suggest your friend check how much he is paying in relation to the Child Maintenance calculater and see if what he is paying is relevant to his last tax year of income. If he is a high earner it may be more than £100 a week.

if he is confident she is not the primary carer, don't pay and let her go to the CMS and let them decide, but he needs to understand that if them deem her to be the primary carer he could end up paying more than the current arrangement.

Well he's not got them living with him so he needs to pay maintenance. To the mother. Might not be right in your eyes but that's the law. Or else he can have them live with him ( teenagers do have a say) and mother pay maintenance or go 50/50 and neither pay.