Child Maintenance

[jabuiiiia]

My very soon to be ex-husband is having our child for four extra days over the summer holiday, tagged onto his usual every other weekend arrangement.

(Father of the year)

He is demanding I pay him our child’s disability living allowance for those four days and will be reducing my maintenance payment by four days that week.

Once we are divorced I will be going down the CMS route but don’t want to rock the boat before then.

I just want to check whether he is within his rights to do this or if there is anywhere that confirms this online as I have been unable to confirm if he is or isn’t allowed to do this?

Is such a niche query I’m not surprised you struggle

he is being ridiculous BUT yes, theoretically could argue that he is entitled to this.

either way op… 4 days. It will be a few pounds at most.

How much DLA do you get for your child a month?

divide by number of days in month

Multiple by 4

Thanks for your response - it won’t be a massive amount and I can cope without it. I’d just like to know if he is entitled to do this.

If he is, then fine. But if he isn’t I’d like to be able to back myself up.

And 100% agree it’s ridiculous…

How much DLA does he get a month?

I don't like using the C word as a rule but your ex is an absolute 100% cunt.
In a petty competition he'd win every time.
I hope CMS skin him.

It’s £70 a week so really not a large amount.

I just don’t want a precedent set that he can deduct/demand when it suits.

Utterly ridiculous. Will he want you to hand over child benefit for those days too? Tell him to grow up. My ex has my son every other Saturday, yet pays child maintenance based on 1-2 nights a week. He’s told me he cannot afford anymore money and if I go to the child maintenance service then he will stop all payments whilst it’s being invested. I mean, blackmail or what. Some men just cannot be reasonable.

This is of course my view.

I don’t want another argument unless I can evidence he’s wrong.

But roll on divorce day.

I sincerely hope you don’t provide DC with anything when they go for that trip - change of clothes, toothbrush etc as if he has the money he’ll have to fund it all 😉 let’s so far it gets him.

if there is a risk that your child will suffer as a result of doing this Op… don’t do it

For the sake of DC I was hoping we could be more amicable than this. But this is where we are headed tbh.

Not this time but post-divorce and with advance notice.

ex is not poor, he is just trying to prove some ridiculous point.

So two issues here really, maintenance & DLA:

1. Maintenance. If via CMS then technically he could reduce his maintenance IF having those extra 4 nights tipped him into the next “band” so for example 52-103 nights per year is a 1/7 deduction, 104-155 nights per year is a 2/7 deduction, so if the extra 4 nights put him into the next band then yes, it can be reduced. If the extra 4 nights don’t change his band then there would be no reduction. The problem is- that’s only for CMS. Because you don’t have a formal agreement and it’s just agreed between the two of you currently he can do whatever he wants. The only way you take that control back is by going via CMS.

2. The DLA technically he’s right, it is for the child for anything that supports their needs and if those needs are still needs on his days then he can ask for the % to cover that, for example if the child needs taxi’s rather than walking then that would still be the case on dad’s days

i meant doing as @RandomMess suggested

But what if he just says

“fine, then kids won’t change clothes and will sit on screens all days, oh and I’ll fish out a manky old toothbrush but if I can’t find… then I won’t bother”

Thanks this is helpful.

Would definitely not tip him into the next bracket - this is the first time all year he has been so generous to do anything other than every other weekend.

Understood. It’s just a bit of a kick in the teeth when it’s 4 days out of the entire summer holiday. I have paid for clubs, activities, new school uniform etc etc but I need to reimburse him for 4 days…..

His problem is with me, not his DC.

So in that case, you can confidently say no to extra money and feel absolutely sure that he will provide fully for your child nonetheless?

It’s something I am considering post-divorce, my mind is not made up.

But he is a responsible adult, I should not have to be packing everything for my DC for him every other weekend.

It is really shit, especially when you know he can afford to but is just using the money as a method of control.

I’d really recommend just going via CMS. It takes the control back and then when he tries to do things like this you do have a formal way of going “erm, no” and if he continues to be an arsehole then it just moves to direct pay. It takes the negotiation and control out of it really. Private arrangements can be great when they work and everyone is amicable but the nature of them being a private agreement means that actually when you stop agreeing it gets a bit messy.

As soon as the divorce is finalised!!

If you have paid for all the extras this summer then you can say

"Absolutely I will give you the DLA for those days whcih will amount to £2.33 per day. As we are going down the road of splitting DS costs, can you also then pay for your half of DS other expenses. He has attended x, y club and had to buy a and b. "

I’ve already raised the issue of school uniform but he has refused.

I can cope with giving him the four days, I’ll just suck it up. I just wanted to double check theres nothing to say he’s wrong which there doesn’t appear to be.

Indeed. You shouldn’t “have” to

but if ds is coming back with dirty clothes on, unbrushed teeth etc… then you may have to