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Legal Guardians - can't make up my mind

8 replies

GColdtimer · 29/05/2008 12:30

We have just seen a solicitor to make our wills. We can't decide who to appoint as legal guardians between my brother and his wife who have 2 dds and SIL and her husband who have one dd. SIL lives 150 miles away but are trying to move closer.

I am in two minds and don't know what to do. DH would rather his sister because he believes she would love DD like a mother because she is her natural aunt. Also, she probably isn't going to have any more children. I would rather my brother because DD gets on really well with my nieces and they live close to the rest of the family. However, I like my SIL and our parenting styles are probably closer to theirs.

What have other people done? It is so hard but I know we have to make a decision.

Both would be happy to take on the responsibility.

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MrsPuddleduck · 29/05/2008 12:48

I would think of who will bring your children up in the best way and in the way you would want to bring them up yourself.

Our guardians are my parents (which is a bit daft really becuase they are older than us) because the only other real option are our in-laws and they have such a freakish and unloving way of bringing up their own children there is no way they would ever get their hands on mine.

It is a really difficult decision, good luck with it

cmotdibbler · 29/05/2008 12:59

If SIL is the closest in parenting style, then I'd choose her. But you can do a joint guardianship where all the named persons have input into the childs life if you like.

We were torn between friends and DHs oldest brother - went for the brother in the end as their kids are much older than DS, so they'd have time for him should it come to it. Friends are mentioned as wanting them to have access to him etc.

ajandjjmum · 29/05/2008 13:03

We have a 'shared' situation where the children's Godmother would have them with her, but my brother would be involved in decisions regarding them.

Tigerschick · 29/05/2008 13:06

Can't really advise as you know the people involved.
I will only say that you can change your will at any time. If your SIL living so far away is a stumbling block for you then why not name your brother for now then, if your SIL does move closer and you want to change your mind, then do.
Shared responsibility is another option but make sure it is very clear what you want to have happen WRT where your DC live etc.

GColdtimer · 29/05/2008 14:24

We have put my brother for the time being but we might change it, had't thought of that!

We have put my brother and DH's sister as trustees along with DDs Godmother and have said that we want them all to have an input into her upbringing. We decided not to do shared responsibility because it is open to question.

Thanks - its such a small chance of anything happening but with such enormous consequences if it did it feels like such a difficult thing to decide.

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scaryteacher · 29/05/2008 23:17

I put my brother and SIL down for ds, as they have two boys close in age to ds, and I like their parenting style. Also it ensures that access will be fair for grandparents. I have a feeling if the in laws got him, my family would not see much of him.

fleacircus · 29/05/2008 23:25

We thought about grandparents but were worried about bereaved DC being with bereaved GP. Also all our parents are quite old, so bereaved DC would probably face another significant bereavement and ensuing upheaval while still young.

We thought about our siblings but eventually chose some friends, people we are close to who share our values. We realised that our siblings will remain involved in our DC's lives whatever happens, and wanted to increase the number of loving adults to support them should something awful happen.

I doubt that helps at all, just thoughts really.

GColdtimer · 30/05/2008 07:47

I agree about the dgp fleacircus. My brother has my mum and dad at the moment and I am not sure that is the best solution. Also a good point about friends - we have two close friends as trustees for that same reason.

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