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Original poster

inheritance - what's fair, what's right?

426 replies

ForGladOtter · 30/07/2025 12:11

Hypothetical (not really) situation and I just would like others' take on it:

Two siblings inherit their parents' property which is now for sale. Sibling A is married with two children and is comfortably off. Sibling B is married with one child and is less financially well off. Sibling A would like the proceeds of the sale to be split three ways between the grandchildren. Sibling B would prefer a 50/50 split with the sibling. Sibling A thinks Sibling B is depriving the grandchildren of an equal share. Sibling B feels they are having to give up some their entitlement in favour of Sibling A's children. (Sibling B feels they also have more need of the financial windfall than Sibling A. It is acknowledged that their own circumstance is not the responsibility of the other. But it does feed into how they feel about the request for the 3-way split).

I would love to hear others' thoughts on this.

OP posts:
Biscoffscoffer · 30/07/2025 15:10

50-50 between the siblings. A is trying to take the piss as A knows they'll ultimately get more. A is a classic CF. A can split A's 50% share however the eff A likes. If the grandparents wanted the proceeds of their house sale split between the grandchildren then it would have been in their will. I'm actually really annoyed about this and I don't even know A or B. I hate people who try to cheat others like this.

Theyreeatingthedogs · 30/07/2025 15:11

Sibling A is a real CF. It should be split equally between the 2 siblings. What would they do if there was a 3rd sibling with no DC? Just share between the grandchildren regardless and leave 3rd sibling with nothing?

Fizzer5 · 30/07/2025 15:11

Who is the beneficial owner of the property? How does it appear on the Land Registry?
Is it in the names of both siblings or still owned by the parent.

Purpleturtle45 · 30/07/2025 15:11

I don't think there is anything difficult about this decision at all. Surely it's very obvious that the money gets split between then siblings and they pass on what they would like to to their own children.

eviandear · 30/07/2025 15:16

If I was the grandparent gifting money and was aware of the circs (ie one of my kids was much better off than another), I would divide the amount between the two kids.

However, in bigger families - with multiple children and grandchildren - if there wasn't very significant disparity in the financial positions of the parents, I sometimes think it makes most sense to gift equal amounts to each grandchild.

Always astounds me a little when grandparents want to leave gifts equally to grandchildren, and people start complaining 'but that's not fair because my sister has three kids and I only have two'. 🙄

Mauvehoodie · 30/07/2025 15:21

Split 50/50 between siblings definitely. I wonder if sibling A would be so keen on the money being split between GC if they only had 1 DC and sibling B had 2 🤔🤔.

my dad had a similar situation with his sibling, an amount of money was left to the 2 of them and his sibling wanted it divided between all their GC when there were 6 on that side and 3 on my dads side. You can guarantee sibling would not have suggested this if more GC on my dad’s side. ETA obviously if the person leaving the money specifies wishes that’s different but it sounds like no wishes specified in this case

VoooooooooooV · 30/07/2025 15:23

UnctuousUnicorns · 30/07/2025 14:57

Exactly the same as my situation, only as I said in a pp, our parents have decided to split the inheritance 5 ways among DB, myself and my three DC. I don't know what my DB makes of it.

Show quote history

Does your DB even know? Might he be really upset and feel like he’s being punished for not providing grandchildren?

VoooooooooooV · 30/07/2025 15:23

UnctuousUnicorns · 30/07/2025 14:57

Exactly the same as my situation, only as I said in a pp, our parents have decided to split the inheritance 5 ways among DB, myself and my three DC. I don't know what my DB makes of it.

Show quote history

Does your DB even know? Might he be really upset and feel like he’s being punished for not providing grandchildren?

mistlethrush · 30/07/2025 15:23

MiL died and split things evenly between her two sons, despite DH and I only having one DS and BiL having 4 children (so far).

EagerLemur · 30/07/2025 15:26

sibling A is obviously a money grabbing jerk, and if sibling b had 2 children instead guaranteed sibling a would not want it split 3 ways, inheritance goes from parents to children, unless it has been expressed in a will that the grandparents what the grandkids to inherit, sibling b can tell sibling a to do one.
When my grandmother died many years ago she gave each sets of her grandchildren the same amount split between them, so my side 4 kids got 2k between them 500 each, cousins only 2 of got 1000 each, but also uncle was favourite, he got 2/3 of estate and she got 1/3, ofc the unlce was also well off lol

Delphiniumandlupins · 30/07/2025 15:33

Sibling A is wrong. And greedy. If the person who currently owns the property wants to transfer it to their children that's 2 people. What if Sibling B has another child? Or triplets? Or (God forbid) Sibling A's children die in a horrific accident?

Rosscameasdoody · 30/07/2025 15:33

50/50 split. Not surprising that sibling A wants it split between the grandchildren, they stand to inherit two thirds. What are they going to do if sibling B has another child, give the money back - don’t thinks so. Not sure what the law says but fairly sure that unless something different is specified in a will, then 50/50 is the legal split. Assuming you or your spouse are sibling B in this situation OP, stand your ground. If the parents had wanted their grandchildren to inherit, they would have specified it.

LifeExperience · 30/07/2025 15:37

Neither the number of children nor the financial position of the inheritors should have any bearing on the split, legally or morally.

JHound · 30/07/2025 15:37

Who did the parents leave it to?

That should solve the issue.

Doh! I should have read properly.

It was left to the siblings so should be split equally. What sibling A then does with their share is up to them.

nixon1976 · 30/07/2025 15:39

Growlybear83 · 30/07/2025 12:15

Of course the inheritance should be divided equally between the two siblings unless their parents’ wills say otherwise. It’s not for sibling A to dictate how the money is split.

This. There seriously isn't any other way

Fernticket · 30/07/2025 15:40

If the grandparents had wanted the grandchildren to inherit directly from them, they would have stipulated it in their Will. They didn't,so the inheritance should go to the siblings as they intended.

mindutopia · 30/07/2025 15:41

Absolutely split equally between the siblings. Then they can do as they wish with their bits. If the deceased wanted it split equally between grandchildren they would have stated in their will.

In our family, we’re the only ones with children (BIL/SIL are childfree by choice). Does that mean we should inherit everything to pass on to our dc and they get nothing? No, of course not.

JHound · 30/07/2025 15:42

Also what would sibling A do if the other sibling had no children? They are grabby. They should be ashamed but they likely have none.

MrsEMR · 30/07/2025 15:45

DryDays · 30/07/2025 15:10

Be very careful OP if the affected parties are still alive. Behind our backs my SIL got my DFIL to not only change the will to 30/70 using her disabled child as an excuse, but also got a 92 year old with obvious dementia certified medically sound of mind. I believe in karma so am not that bothered, she has to live with her actions. We took better care of him than she did. We also have found (still in the process) bank accounts not declared, the fact she removed the bank as the executor and made herself. She has had quite a few letters from our solicitor. Oh she also locked us out and declared the value of the house contents as zero. We let her get away with that as we stupidly had little photos, and thought if she wanted to do that to an elderly man who had lived in the same house for 50 years and whose wife was very house proud she is welcome to that. I cleaned out fridges for the bitch to sell. Some people truly shock me.

Sounds very like my conniving sister. Received over 250k 18 years ago when buying her home (framed as her inheritance at the time). Before my DF died he told us he had given her a further 60k. She also received 2 cars & a car loan paid off (no idea how much).
I was supposed to be executor of his will as the remaining estate 500k was to be split between my brother & myself. Well shock horror the conniving bitch had my DF make a new will before he died, she is the executor & has completely ignored my brother and myself ever since. We know we will receive some inheritance but it’s probably a tiny fraction of all the financial help she has received over the years.

Katebridgerton25 · 30/07/2025 15:45

ForGladOtter · 30/07/2025 14:01

To everyone getting their knickers in a twist over my choice of words, i am NOT looking what's correct in the eyes of the law. I'm looking for opinions on whether Sibling 1 is being fair in their request or not.
I could and probaly should have posted this in the AIBU thread but it gets more traffic and I didn't want to risk it being read by anyone involved and feathers being ruffled more than they already are.
Everyone saying Sibling A is being a bit grabby is what I need to hear. And there is no point asking the living parent as they will 100% say "do what you think is best" and leave it to the siblings to decide.

Yeah a sibling of mine tried this one, I just said no. It’s a way of attempting to get a larger payout of the estate by saying it’s fair that each grandchild gets the same share, this way they don’t have to give their children more of their cut if you will. However if that’s what the grandparents wanted they would have specifically stipulated a portion to each child and grandchild like my husband’s grandparents did. My grandparents passed their assets onto their children only who then gifted us money. My parents followed suit with their will and it was up to us what we wanted to give our children from it. Sibling A is trying to pull a fast one.

TeaTimeAgain · 30/07/2025 15:46

Split 50/50 between the sibs. But if they want the grandchildren to get a share then
40% to each sibling and remaining 20% split between the grandchildren. Sib A can pass their share onto their children should they want to.

raininginlanzarote · 30/07/2025 15:52

Definitely between siblings. In the other scenario our family has 4 GC in one family, 3 in another and 1 in last. And the one with 1 is the least well off!!

Notsandwiches · 30/07/2025 15:54

If the deceased had wanted it split between the grandchildren they would have left it to the grandchildren. I suspect sibling A wouldn't want this arrangement if Sibling B had 3 children.

CandyCane457 · 30/07/2025 15:56

From my understanding, the parents have left the house to the two siblings. Not the grandchildren: So the siblings split 50/50. It is then up to them if they want to keep the money themselves or give it to their children.

RatCamHeyHey · 30/07/2025 16:00

Whatever it says in the will! If the parents left it to their two children, then split two ways. If they'd wanted it split 3 ways between the grandchildren then they'd have left a will to that effect. If there's no will then the assumption would be split equally between the two siblings.