Constant struggle of being a sole earner

[KTB00001]

Hi, not sure if I just need to vent but any advice is really welcome. Also not sure where the best place to post this is.
For context Ive been a single parent for years. My child is with me full time. I get the bare minimum in maintenance.
Now I should really be grateful for my lot but I’m so tired. On paper I have a well paid job, full time. But in reality it doesn’t even pay to have a well paid job as I get fleeced in taxes and by the time i have paid for everything in order to live I’m not really left with anything!
im just tired of the constant struggle and the underlying constant anxiety that it’s all on me and if anything happens to my job then im goosed as i have to no back up salary or a second person in the house.

my house is mortgaged and yeah I was lucky enough to be able to put down a deposit on a home from the sale of the marital home many years ago. I was a bit stupid at the time though and stuck the whole thing down as a deposit so it’s all sat n the house.
im now wondering if I should cut my losses and try and sell this house and just downsize a lot and release some of the equity while it’s still there as house prices are dropping in my area and jobs are looking more and more dodgy due to a volatile industry.
I don’t want to extend a mortgage or release equity in the existing house as that will just bring me even more anxiety and I’m not getting any younger and my current mortgage still has 21 years left!
I just wish sometimes I was in a couple so there were two wages coming in then I might be able to enjoy things like holidays or be able to buy things without stressing.
this house also needs things like new carpets and a new bathroom etc and there is no way I’ll be able to afford that.
what do I do 🙈

I too lived like this as a single parent for years, no maintenance at all. At one point mortgage interest rates went up to 15%. I just about survived it. I've just paid off my mortgage and feel so happy, DS has left home now. It was all worth it. I have a lovely home. Check you are getting all the benefits and tax breaks you are entitled to.
Hang in there. It will get better.

@KTB00001
yes this is me right now (and for the foreseeable future too). £0 maintenance from ex husband but have 100% sole care for 3 young children. Childcare costs alone are bigger than my mortgage. I have a good full time wage on paper - management level professional career - over the threshold (just!) for child benefit so don’t even get that. Not entitled to any “benefits” other than single adult discount on council tax. I have to count every penny and it’s just so demoralising and tiring. I’m exhausted holding it together physically mentally emotionally and financially all the time.

i don’t know if i have any advice to give other than a lot of solidarity. But One thing I try and do is DIY I try and do what I can in the house myself - which has helped with some of the demoralisation I had been feeling. You can pick up a surprising amount on FB marketplace or even B@Q and most builders yard have a free timber section of offcuts

I hear you. On paper good salary. End of the month very little left because everything falls on me. I had to remortgage to the eyeballs to buy out ex husband who of course had never paid a penny towards my house but was entitled to half the equity. I should have been mortgage free by 55. Now im paying it off til im 68 and I currently owe more than when I took it out 10 years ago. All that money down the drain for a cheat.

I often say if I had a partner with even a moderate salary we would be so well off as all their income would be for "extras".

Im also at the point where everything in my house is about to break (think boiler etc) but im just clinging on to it.

So yes I feel you. And I understand not feeling like you can tell anyone because they hear the salary and think you're loaded.

Thanks for the messages!
im over the threshold too so no child benefit. I do get the single persons discount on council tax. I also every year seem to end up paying even more in tax as I keep being told I’m not paying enough tax. I’ve had this checked out and it is indeed correct. I do sometimes think I’d be better off earning less. There just doesn’t seem to be any allowances made for being only one wage in a house.
it is exhausting, the constant state of financial anxiety and being the sole provider for my son.

I do get the absolute minimum from my ex but it wouldn’t even be enough to buy a supermarket shop for a day so I just try to stick that in a separate account for savings for my son and let it build up.

Yep became a widow at 38. Have always been financially independent. Earn well. This just pays the bills with a little left over. Managed to save £1k , then car breaks and most of that will be swallowed. Just can’t get on top of it.

Similar position here.

Sometimes I reframe it and think how exceptionally fabulous I am for running a home and job and child entirely alone while other people need an emotional support human.

It's also satisfying to know that no alcoholic/cheater/wifebeater/cocklodger (delete as appropriate) can ever ruin my hard earned peace again.

Honestly, it is tough. And it's okay to find it tough. I've become evangelical about Dave Ramsey's baby step finance plan to try and get ahead of my money, if that helps anyone else.

sorry about your loss.
i hear you, finally save up some money then something breaks!

Oh I’ve seen him on Instagram! I’ll check out the plan. I just can’t seem to make savings anywhere!