DH Debt

[Seriously79]

DH is in debt, approx £35,000. Full disclosure I have approx £5,000 on credit cards always bounced around on 0%.

He's always been bad with money. When we moved in together he used some money from
the sale of his flat to clear previous debts,the above debt has built up in the last 7 years.

He's constantly overdrawn, if he wants something he gets it - on the credit card.

He's constantly overdrawn, and using his credit cards - which of course makes them even higher. He couldn't afford his money to the joint account a few months ago and again used the credit cards. None of them are on 0% and the interest is insane.

I haven't got anything extra to help him.

His parents are lovely, and if they knew would clear it no questions asked within minutes but he won't tell them as he's embarrassed.

His stupidity and stubbornness is making him so unattractive to me.

Do you have kids?
If his parents cleared it how long would it take to be back in this position?
You need to sit down and go through finances together. You may need to take control of all finances and give him an allowance.
Try Stepchange for advice.
If he won't agree to sort this you have to separate finances and leave.
His credit score will impact yours.

There are strategies to change that but he has to want to change.

I just don't understand this from grown up adults. How on earth do you build up this sort of debt? He must know how much he earns each month, and what needs to go out.

If you want to buy something then you surely work out whether you have got the money, or decide that well, if I put it on a credit card then it will be £200 a month for a year til it's paid.

It's not rocket science. If you haven't got enough money for 'stuff' you can't have it. He needs to stop buying shit. I couldn't live with someone like this. It must be so stressful.

I agree that you need to sit down with him and work out a plan - but this HAS to be a one time deal. Either he sorts his shit out now or you need to dump him. He can't just keep buying stuff like a kid in a candy store. It's time he grew up and worked out that money doesn't grow on trees.

Take him to your local CAB and get him some professional debt advice, not ideas from random people on here.

Head to moneysavingexpert for more advice. The debt free wannabe forum is great.

it sounds as though he is repeating the pattern of getting into debt, so even if his parents were to help him, unless he’d got it under control, he will run up debt again.

His parents bailing him out without him changing his ways would be pointless, he needs to get to a debt advisor and learn to sort this for himself.

Thanks all. I was worried about posting this.

I think it's his inability to see how much it affects me too that is such a turn off.

I know it's a slippery slope, and I'm no angel but I've done something about my debts with 0% transfers and not having a card anymore and it is coming down.

I've asked him to consolidate them - but he won't. I've asked him to find a 0% - but he won't, he won't speak to his parents. And none of it seems to bother him, meanwhile I'm the one loosing sleep over the mortgage not being paid.

He's selling old cds and dvds for a couple of quid to get cash for the week, it's so depressing.

I want to help, but his head is well and truly stuck in the sand.

Unfortunately he needs to have what is know on the MoneySavingExpert forum as his ‘lightbulb moment’. I had mine in December. Over £27k of debt, being in overdraft within a week of being paid….i couldn’t do it anymore. That forum was so helpful to me. I read so many of the debt free diaries and they did help inspire me. Next month my debt total will be £19k, so I’ve roughly repaid £8k in 6 months. One of the first things I did was get a 0% credit card and balance transfer over - the amount of years I was just paying over £200 a month just in interest absolutely sickens me! I had my head in the sand.

Thank you for this. And well done x

Unfortunately it's not a problem for him. It is a problem for you so if you explain YOUR issue and he cares enough about you he will change.

So what is your issue? How does it affect you now? Is it that you have to cover for him when he hasn't enough or that you can't do fun things together because he can't afford it? Or that you could never imagine a future with him because you would never he able to afford a house and kids?

Is he buying random crap he doesn't need or does he not earn enough to cover basics?

Also your £5k debt. Moving it between 0% cards is financially savvy but not a solution, why aren't you paying it off? You could lead by example.

I am paying off my debt, and it's easier as I have 2 accounts both on 0% and I don't use a credit card anymore.

Yes, I have been made short having to cover him, which is especially hard working part time and having 2 kids.

It sounds a tricky situation. When you are having to fill in the gap and potentially putting yourself into precarious finance situations it's hard to let him reach that moment of readiness alone but he's not going to engage properly if not ready.

I'd ask for him to be upfront, bring up all the debts all the interest rates particularly the overdrafts which can be one of the more expensive forms of debt. Get the details of some free debt advice charities - Christian against poverty and step change for example. Tell him it can't keep going and when he's ready you'll help him.

From a you perspective, it sounds like it's a difficult relationship to be in at the moment. He's prioritising his needs over those of the family. He's placing the financial burden of family life on you. I can completely get how this can make seem less attractive. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is what is your breaking point?