To marry or not?

[cherrytreehouse]

Here is the scenario:

• DP and I have been together for over 15 years and have 2 children, not married, neither ever been married, neither have seen ‘the value’ in it because we are committed and have kids but appreciate that I may be in a vulnerable position hence this post for advice.
• we own a house 50-50, both on the deeds. I pay the mortgage from my account each month (but It is in both names). Both names on the house deeds but he put in 10k more deposit (15k for me, 25k for him). That was 10 years ago.
• we own a business together and are joint shareholders, we earn the exact same salary and dividends each a year but currently he earns a lot more into the business than me. This is the thing that’s changed recently and worries me. But ‘on paper’ we own 50% each and take the same out.
• im set to inherit approx 750k at some point maybe within 15 years, he may inherit some but more like 200k I think
• we have life insurance and wills both naming the other as sole beneficiaries

Ive always assumed we ‘should’ marry but a friend has recently got divorced and her husband was entitled to 50% of her inheritance and it got me thinking..is that the safest thing still for me to do in this situation?

i am happy to marry if we need to - just feels now after so long it will be more transactional and i dont really want that. We dont want to spend money on a big wedding etc.

if you are married and passed away before your husband (or not married but leave everything to him) and he inherits all your money and marrys again then he passed before his new wife she could in reality inherit all the money and leave it to her own beneficiaries not yours. Even if you both had a will, once he remarried all bets are off and he would have to write a new will to state specifically on his death it should be split with the children and (or not) his spouse. Though I doubt that if someone remarried they wouldn’t leave most of it to the spouse. You could of course leave provisions in your own will that money goes to the children and not 100% to him x

You’re conflating 2 different situations.

if you die first it’s what is in your Will that matters. Not whether you are married. So structure your Will so that money goes direct to your children.

If you divorce then there are laws about how your assets are divided that you are bound by. I’m not sure if the inheritance would form part of this or not.

My suggestion would be to update your Will now so it reflects your wishes in respect of your children and seek some legal advice about marriage vs cohabitation and a split of assets on divorce

Can you arrange that 750k gets split so your children will inherit idk 250k each when they hit certain age and you get the rest?

I think you need to set up a trust fund for your estate and your partner could do the same.

If/when you inherit, use a deed of variation to alter the will so you get £200k and the rest goes into trust for your kids.

You can set up trusts and stuff. Speak to a specialist financial advisor (alone)

Why are you paying the mortgage?
Why is he now taking more from the business than you?

You need to own property as tenants in common 50% each - not joint tenants. This way you can leave your 50% to your children but give him a right to live in the house until he Co-habits, re-marries or dies

He’s not
hes generating more income into the business but they’re taking the same out

i agree with a previous poster. It could seem from your posts that you’re trying to ensure your partner doesn’t get any of your inheritance, while being happy he’s generating more income. I’m sure that’s not what you mean, but mumsnet is happy to advise women keeping money from men while being very much against the opposite scenario…

Look into trusts for that kind of money, definitely worth talking to an advisor

The problem with someone having a life interest in the house is that they might not want to stay in that house when they are elderly. I know someone who's in that position at the moment. She and her husband had each been married before and already had children when the marriage started. He has since died. Technically half of the house belongs to his children but she has the right to live in it. However if she sells it then his children get their share. The problem for her is that she doesn't want to stay in that house anymore but her half isn't enough to buy anywhere. I wouldn't want to be in that position.

Marriage is a pointless exercise. Love is all you need. I simply don't understand people's obsession with it.

I’m similar. Been with dp for other 30 years, 2 kids. My pension is much much better than his, so if we married and then divorced he’d end up getting some. I do worry about him not being my next of kin if I was in hospital, my mum is elderly and my sisters not really close - is there anyway I can resolve that without being married?

Ask your parents to include your children in their Wills, not you.

Technically, no, you can’t have a civil partnership and then get married at some other point. It’s one or the other. You CAN very easily have either a civil partnership or marriage at a registry office, and then have a “wedding” party at a later date. A simple marriage is just as easy as civil partnership

www.gov.uk/government/publications/marriage-and-civil-partnership-in-england-and-wales/marriage-and-civil-partnership-in-england-and-wales-accessible-version

Next of kin isn’t defined by marriage. Next of kin is whoever you decide it to be. Also, next of kin can’t make medical decisions for you, it’s a common misconception. Only a medical POA can do that

www.gavinedmondsonsolicitors.co.uk/blog/what-is-next-of-kin

It would be nice to think love is all you need, but in many cases marriage protects both partners. If a house is in one persons name and they die with no Will, the surviving spouse can be thrown out of favour of children. If a stay at home parent doesn’t work for 20 years and then their partner leaves them, they may have no right to a portion of the house, savings, pensions: and they’ve earned that by spending 20 years giving up their career options raising children. If a couple own property together that is worth a lot of money, then if one dies the other could be forced to sell the family home to pay inheritance tax that could have been avoided by getting married. These are just a small fraction of the very good reasons to get married.

I caveat this by saying: I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and we aren’t married. We don’t need to, we’ve taken steps to cover all the scenarios we can think of and we have wills in place. But marriage can still have an important role for some people.

It all depends if the will was written by a solicitor or other competent person or just a home made will.

Typically, a properly written will with a life interest, will allow for the house to be sold and another one purchased. The trust will have the power to use its funds to help purchase the new home and will own a share of the new house on the same terms as the old house.
.

"Technically half of the house belongs to his children"

Half of the house belongs to the trust created by the will. The children are the beneficiaries of the trust but they do not inherit anything until she dies or other event contained in the will happens.

Even if the house is sold, any money from the trust not used to buy a new home must be invested. The terms of the will might say that it may be invested solely fort the benefit of the life tenant. In this situation your friend is entitled to all the interest from the money but not the capital and his children can't touch the capital until she passes away.

It may be worth digging the will out and having a quick read of what it says.

The major financial benefit of marriage in your situation is no inheritance tax between spouses. The major risk is the split of the property in a divorce.

in your list of assets, you didn’t mention pension. Do you and DH have pensions and how are they set up? That can make a big difference.

as others said, you can protect your family inheritance by giving it directly to your kids. But then it is theirs not yours.

If you are married and write mirror wills (leaving everything to the other person),.you have double the inheritance tax allowance and if one of you dies, the other one inherits that allowance.

Also your inheritances go to you and you could open a new account and it would remain yours,even if you divorce. Just don't put it into a joint account at any point or it becomes joint property.

I don't think you meant to reply to me?