Pls help me manage my money!

[Pifflepafflewifflewaffle]

I have always been terrible with money. My parents spent everything they had, and then I married someone who was financially controlling and I have never learned how to look after it.

I have been lucky enough to increase my salary quickly over a few years and now have an amazing income that should mean I’m rolling in it, but I find forgotten about subscriptions, insurance policies etc coming out of my account unexpectedly. I have subscriptions for accounts that I can’t even access such as Microsoft ones, so I can’t get into them to cancel.

its really, really embarassing and I feel a lot of shame about it, and I’m horrified that I don’t have money saved at the end of the month when I should have.

ive got Emma, and I’ve got snoop, but I get the two mixed up, it’s like my brain just can’t compute something, and they don’t help me actually find things I don’t need.

does anyone know if there’s a service that you can recruit that helps tidy things up? I don’t think it’s a financial advisor, but honestly if i could pay someone a few hundred quid to tidy up my bank accounts I absolutely would.

any advice appreciated!

Have you looked at Dave Ramsey.

Reading and following him helped me tackle my finances, I was completely clueless about finance too.

He also provides a free database that you can use to track your spending.

If he doesn't appeal to you, there are dozens of financial people on youtube/instagram these days, just pick one you can relate too and follow them I guess.

The thing i've found with financial advisors if that they're not actually advisors, the're just trying to sell you the best product for them.

Tackle one problem at a time. If you find a redundant bank account, do whatever you need to do to close it and don't move on to another problem until thats done. That might help you to feel a bit more in control.

Also theres lots of podcasts out there too.

Why haven’t you contacted Microsoft etc yourself to get the subscriptions cancelled? You don’t have to give away more money to someone else to get control.

If you share your salary, bills, savings goals etc. here people will be able to suggest monthly budget ideas.

First print out all bank statements and credit card statements for the last year. Get some highlighter pens and go through highting different types of expenditure.

Work out how much you have had as net income, all the credits added up. Work out your regular outgoings. List them all in a spreadsheet - mortgage/rent, car loan, petrol or other transport costs, council tax, gas, electric, water, internet, phone, any streaming services, other subscriptions (gym?), house insurance, car insurance, life insurance, food and drink, meals out, presents, takeaways, clothes and shoes, haircuts, nails, cleaner if you have one. What else do you spend on?

For Micrososft ask for help online https://support.microsoft.com/home/contact

Once you have listed what you've spent come back here and talk us through it.

I think @anyolddinosauris giving great advice but for Step 5 of your situation as you sound like you need to go back to basics..

Step 1 is to write a list of all the accounts / credit cards / store accounts / savings. Anything where you have money or debt. Ideally with account numbers / current balances.

Step 2 is to print the statements, yes, but focus on all the unknown / duplicate subscriptions and direct debits.

Step 3 is to write a list of everything you can’t identify or need to cancel.

Step 4 is work your way through each one to cancel it. If it’s a direct debit you should be able to cancel with the bank. If you can’t then contact the provider and explain the situation.

Dont give up! You may need a few ‘reset ID’ processes / letters sending to your home address so it won’t be instant but each one will get you closer to the goal.

Once you’re looking at your actual expenses then Step 5 should help stop getting in a mess again.

Thank you so much, great advice- that’s the thing, when I’ve got free time I look into it, but because I can’t access accounts to reset as they’re unknown emails or passwords etc, I then need to ring on a weekday and by the time it gets to then I don’t have the time or mental space to think about it again, and it just ends up going on and on.

i know I need to grow up and deal with it, I’m ashamed of myself, hopefully the tips above will help me so thank you.

For the subscriptions to Microsoft etc, can you not just delete them from your regular payments on your banking app?

Can you book a half day holiday and assign it to sorting this out? Imagine how much freer you’d feel knowing you were tackling it!

This! Or if they’re recurring card payments cancel the card and get a new one.

Once you’ve worked out what you need to budget for each month, work out how much you have left over and split between spending and saving. Have two current accounts. One your salary goes into, and all monthly payments come out of, then transfer £200 or whatever to a savings account, and £400 or whatever to a new current account - and that £400 is your spending money for the month.

A couple of resources that could help in a 'to do list to work through' kind of way, although if analysing statements, I'd download them into a spreadsheet to sort and analyse, rather than printing and highlighting.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

https://ukpersonal.finance/flowchart/

But OP, you sound like the sort of target client for an Octopus Money Coach. I've read about them over the years and couldn't see how they offered anything that people can't do themselves, but if this is the sort of hand holding you're willing to pay for, I think that's exactly what they offer. I've no experience of what they offer, but it sounds like it would be worth you looking into.

We've just started the Rebel Finance School course and the first session last night was about exactly this!
It's a free 10 week course to help people work towards financial independence; there's a live session online every Monday night (you can watch later) and a FB support group.
We've watched a couple of pre-course sessions, which have been great and very easy to follow. Last night specifically talked about working out what you're spending on and how to tidy it up.

If you have accounts you can’t access - try the normal processes - there should be recovery options - and then contact them anyhow warning the debit will be cancelled

I second the recommendation from @Alwaysplayspicc for the Rebel Finance School. Completely free and the Donegans are so motivational you'll be hankering to sort it all out.

I add everything to my phone calender that's due out, if you're paid monthly it's a good idea to have everything come out on the same date. Go through your direct debits/standing orders on your banking and cancel anything you don't need. I have a standing order to my savings every month of £200 also, then if I need to bring any back I can. Also before payday I transfer whatevers left in to my savings

While I personally use a spreadsheet for analysing my spending I feel that printing out statements, highlighting spending and then having the paper around where you can see it is actually important for the less motivated. It's like handling cash instead of using a card, it's a much stronger reminder.

OP I've already shown you had to try and deal with Microsoft online. Some accounts will have staff available at weekends, although usually only Saturdays and sometimes only mornings. List what account details you have and start making some calls.

Tell us what organisations you need to contact and we may be able to help you do it at weekends. If not then you need to make a list and take a day off work and just deal with this. Unfortunately it is difficult for someone else to deal with this on your behalf.

You KNOW you are just making excuses, I sometimes procrastinate too. You will feel much better if you do even one of the things you know you have to sort out. If it helps promise yourself a treat afterwards.

One thing stood out here to me - you don't need to contact Microsoft or any other organisation you are paying money to. Just tell your bank to cancel direct debits or standing orders. Go through your bank statements, mark items you no longer need to be paying for, and tell the bank to stop them. Simple.

That doesn't actually cancel the account only makes it delinquent, likely making the OPs problem harder to deal with.

Direct Debits don't work like that - with a DD you've given the vendor the authority to take whatever they want from your account, as long as they tell you how much they're taking first.

You can't cancel a DD with the bank, you have to ask the vendor to cancel it.

Want to know how I know? I cancelled a DD for council tax and the council refused to cancel it (and took a payment) until I told them the address I was moving to, which I didn't actually know as I was being relocated with work and was living in a hotel abroad! Eventually I gave them my parents' address.

That's why I now pay council tax by standing order.

I know this feeling. I have historically been bad at managing money. I've now taken on an hourly paid PA to help with all sorts of stuff including finances. With her help I have created a budget (using the Moneysavingexpert spreadsheet), she goes through my accounts and tracks expenditure month by month and we checked all zombie subscriptions and removed them, she makes sure my expenses are in on time and she helps with my tax returns. She's also helped to clear out my spare room so I can let it out, and helps me keep on track with refunds for things, Delay Repay, etc.

Originally, I hired her to help with decluttering but her skillset is very broad 😂

The other key change I made is that I also use some of the hours she works for me as a way of making myself do things that she can't do for me, that I would otherwise avoid because of the anxiety/stress of it. So she acts as a sort of focus buddy.

Just having that assistance with the bookkeeping and the boring and stressful tasks has transformed how I look at my finances.
So my advice is 100%: if you have some money to spare, hiring somebody to support you with getting on top of this stuff is money extremely well spent.

Yep

Direct Debit - you give the company permission to take what it needs from your account each month.

Standing Order - you tell your bank to make a payment of a certain amount of money to another company each month.

You absolutely can cancel a direct debit with your bank, it won't cancel your account with the company so you may still owe them money but they won't be able to take it from your account. I know this because I worked for a High street bank for 20 years.

Cancel the direct debit with your bank. You can usually do this online. When Microsoft (or whoever) write to you, there will be a customer service number you can call and tell them you want to cancel.

Another vote for Rebel Finance School. It's amazing.

I wasn't just imagining what happened to me.

I'm not saying that you were imagining it, I am saying that you can cancel a direct debit with your bank.

Your bank were in the wrong and when the council claimed the direct debit from your account, it should have been returned/refused it with the reason 'mandate cancelled'.

My bank also refused to cancel and refund a direct debit, saying the company had to do it. This was despite me having an email from the company acknowledging that they had taken money in error as I was no longer their customer!