Retirement and spouse - same age or same time?

[Ohrightyho]

DH is 4 years older than me. Theoretically, is it fair or best to retire at the same age or at the same time?

I’ve been upping my pension contributions with the aim of retiring at 63. DH and I have similar sized pension pots at the moment, so that would mean he could afford to retire at the same time as me, but he’d be 67. Is that fair? Should I sacrifice some of my retirement plans so he can retire earlier? (If he retired at 64 say, his pension pot would be a little light). Or best to retire at the same time and have fun together, but I’d get to retire younger.

I think this might be one of the reasons women used to get state pension at 60 and men 65.

I say theoretical because I’m sure life and careers will throw some curve balls before then. More likely we’ll both work part time for a bit. We’ve also got to get twins through university first 😭

It occurred to me because (a) I need to get DH to sit down and look at pension planning with me and (b) a family member recently retired mid-50s, his wife is still working and as far as I know she’ll carry on working until 67, which seems rather unfair to me! - caveat I’ve no idea what their actual decisions are and none of my business, I know.

The thought of not having enough to do or being bored has never crossed my mind.
Since retiring (57) I am one of those annoying people who wonders how they had time to work. 😆

DH is 6 years younger than me. I retired at 65; he’s still working but a shorter week, very compressed hours and often working weekends so he has more non-working days than working days.

It’s his choice to carry on for a few years. He enjoys his work and I enjoy the solo time, and the amount of non working time he has means we have a lot of freedom to do stuff midweek when it’s quieter and cheaper.

In therms of “fairness” we just don’t think that way because he wanted to carry on working, and over the years we’ve done a broadly equal job keeping the finances afloat.

My husband and I are the same age, but he retired 4 years before me (aged 56; I retire at 60). It's fine. You do what is best for the individuals. We're not joined at the hip, so it will always be the case that we pursue our own separate hobbies and interests, as well as doing some things together.
We know that we're very lucky as probably the last generation who can retire with a good pension at 55+, so why turn down that fantastic opportunity?

Dh plans to retire at 65 (when the mortgages will be paid off) but hopes to go part time for a while before that (he’s a GP, locum work is well paid and there’s plenty of it). We’re the same age but I don’t work due to long term disability so I guess I’m retired already at 54. We hope to retire to where we lived when we were first married and spend a lot of time travelling if we can!

I am 2 years older than DH. I stopped working at 54 and took my pension at 55. He retired at 56 at the end of last year so I had already been retired for 4 years. I took up some voluntary work and joined 2 walking groups. We have bought a Motorhome, unfortunately MIL has just been diagnosed with cancer so have been away less than expected.

If couples are genuine teams they will not be resentful. I think if there is a very big gap in age it could possibly happen but looks like replies here have small age gaps. It’s a reason to settle with someone close in age.

@Ohrightyho We both have defined benefits pensions plus faff about investing. I agree @Cynic17 the very wealthy will always retire early. But people in mine and DH professions now plus increased house prices will not be in our position.

I have had a low cost retirement so far, I was in U3a for a year but didn’t renew as was going off travelling though on hold currently due to MIL. We have loads of hobbies, main two are hiking and also video and board gaming which don’t cost too much. I have started sewing again and made or altered stuff to make us both period costumes to attend an event at the weekend, got a lot of compliments.

Same here, despite quite a big age gap.
Our joint savings / pensions were enough to cover our new joint outgoings, I think we are too far in to think of things separately by this age.
We have travelled a lot and wouldn't want to miss that opportunity waiting for us both to get loads older!

(oh and boredom is not an issue for me either. Perhaps I will be bored by my 80s but it is a risk I am prepared to take!)

This thread is interesting to me as my hubby is 12 years older than me and retired at 67. Then went straight back to work doing part time stuff. We’re both lecturers and I thought I would retire earlier than I should as I’ve some (!) chronic conditions. Or at least drop some hours! But, at the end of the day, I really like my job! We thought we would retire and travel but we’d rather stay home!

I'm 4 years older than DH. I retired at 56 he retired at 59 1/2. I retired first and I'm pleased because I took over a few more jobs around the house and administration stuff which enabled him to continue to work a year or 2 longer than if I hadn't don't that. We worked until we thought we'd have a comfortable retirement and mortgage free, then saved up to give us £30k reserve fund in bank in case of house repairs, replacement of washing machine etc. We both got lump sums and invested them.

The thought of not having enough to do or being bored has never crossed my mind.
Since retiring (57) I am one of those annoying people who wonders how they had time to work.

But what do you do?

Leisurely mornings enjoying breakfast together, sitting outside in the garden while others are heading off to work. We both love gardening and spend many happy hours there. Long walks in the countryside with Ddogs. I do crafting while OH potters in his workshop on his projects. We go away a lot in our Moho, always midweek to avoid the worst of the crowds.
Have been retired for a couple of years now and the novelty has still not worn off.🙂

This week
Monday -long walk at the coast and lunch out
Today- visit adult DS and then elderly DM
Wednesday- spend the day at the spa I am a member of.
Thursday - taking an elderly neighbour to a posh lunch place an hour away and meeting a friend at the cinema in the evening
Friday -Aqua aerobics and meeting a friend at my spa.
Weekend- the normal weekend stuff I’ve always done, seeing family, BBQs, roasts, evening out, lunches out, shopping, days out at coast or NT type of places.
I travel every 7/8 weeks so am often getting over jet lag or packing to go somewhere.

I’d suggest you need to look at your combined pension plans and pots rather than yours and his.

Can you really think of nothing to fill your time apart from work?

I’m 50 & retired. Work was boring to me. Now I travel every few weeks, hike, ski, play tennis, swim, learn a language & a musical instrument. There’s a lot more to life than work!

If you have enough money, retire at tge same time. We have been retired for 7 years now, we were concerned on how much income we have, but as we no longer have to buy work clothes, travel to work, buy food and drink at work, and other peripheral work costs we have found we do not need as much as we thought. In fact, having spent a lifetime with a saving mindset we find it hard to get into a spending mindset. We are having more holidays now, more days out. We are now in our 70s, pretty fit, but we'll aware that illness may start to curtail what we can do at any time, so retire as soon as you are able and enjoy while you can.

This. DH is in a Rotary Club, it doesn't take all his time but there is always something being planned that he us involved with, a rock and comedy fundraiser at the moment. Just contemplating going to India next year with them to help with their Polio Immunisation programme. There is loads to do if you are fortunate enough not to need to work.

Dh is a year older than me,he’s 58, but likes working a lot more than I do, earns about twice as much as I do, and doesn’t have many hobbies.

id happily retire yesterday, have loads of stuff I want to do, so I’ll probably drop a day a week before he does and then retire at 60. When he retires we want to travel…but we have a dog so that will have to wait anyway…

I wouldn’t have a problem retiring before him, nor would he. The other way round would be more difficult…

He is also not great at doing stuff on his own so I’d quite like to have my own established routine before he retires….

The other big difference is you do things because you want to, not because you have to.
To quote the Nobel Laureate

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.
Bob Dylan

Can you really think of nothing to fill your time apart from work

Not all day every day, 365 days a year for 30 plus years - hence I'm asking about it on a chat forum. It's interesting.

Most of the things listed I do in the evenings, weekends, holidays. I'd like to have more holidays now and, once DD has finished university, DH and I might purchase extra holiday allowance.

I'm 60 now and can't imagine not having worked for the past 10 years. Each to their own.

I think paid work gives some people a purpose and a reason to do get up in the morning (assuming they have a choice to work or not). For me my purpose has changed as I got older and work was getting in the way of health and wanting to do things, not simply rushing to fit them in at the weekends or dreading returning from holidays knowing your inbox is going to be full. I also think the type of paid work matters. Mine didn’t have set hours or an off switch. My DH was more worried about stopping work but realised that life is short especially when you see people dieing unexpectedly or getting chronic illnesses.

Retiring together meant we both are navigating this new part of our life at the same time rather than one person being tied to a job whilst the other gets to do everything they want.

This is true about buying stuff, I think it got to a point where I thought I’m really good with what I have. My drawers and wardrobe are full I really don’t need to buy more things, in some cases ever if I don’t want to.