Debt confession to partner

[Anxiouslypanicking]

I am really anxious and scared about sharing but here goes.

My partner and I have been living together nearly a year in our first new build home. We have a finances table with everything tracked down to the penny.

However, I have been spending impulsively on a credit card that they think is all paid off. It comes to around £1,800.00 total and has monthly repayments all planned out and I have been hiding the repayments as other expenses. I am still making all my shared expense payments (mortgage, Bills etc).

I have written a letter to my partner explaining the debt, apologising and reflecting on my wrong doing. I am planning on leaving it for when they wake up and then giving them the option for space. We have not had an argument to date.

I am also looking at meeting with a doctor to talk about my ongoing medical needs and the stress and overwhelm. As on reflection I think the past few months of accruing the debt has been a shopping trip here dinner out there and a weekend away. All just to feel good for a bit of time and forget everything else for a while.

I have no idea how they are going to react, I have messed up big time and I just want to make things right.

Any advice would be amazing, I am feeling overwhelmed and terrified.

Are you making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be? You have a plan for paying it off, it’s not affecting your ability to meet current bills, you’ve not been racking up debt to pay for drugs or gambling, and you have a plan to address the causes of the impulsive spending.

This is a totally manageable situation.

But is there a reason you are scared about your partner’s response, or felt you couldn’t tell him in the first place? Does he have form for being aggressive, or financially controlling?

How’s your mental health?

What are the ongoing medical needs you’re dealing with?

Thank you for the response.

I think just the fear of disappointing them and the fact I have been keeping it from them for a couple of months. We haven’t had an argument to date, and I can just see this as becoming one due to lack of honesty.

Mental Health is rocky at the moment, planning on talking to GP at my next appointment.

Lots of Investigations on going (4 medical appointments next week alone) about to have scoliosis fusion re done and they have picked up problems with my heart, liver and kidneys.

Thanks again.

I think you just need to be honest . You have messed up under the stress of medical investigations just needing somethings to cheer you up . You have cut up your credit cards and have a plan to pay off the debt . I think your partner would be very harsh to be anything accept understanding. We all mess up at some point and it’s not likely you’ll go through a long relationship without someone messing up at some point .

I would recommend you speak to them in person op, to show that you are able to meet issues head on/willing to resolve conflict, so they don’t have to wonder about that too.

It’s normal to have conflict and disagreements in a relationship. The important thing is that both parties can have difficult conversations without becoming aggressive or otherwise abusive.

I wish you all the best with your medical investigations.

Do you share finances?

Please don’t beat yourself up - in the scheme of things it’s not that much and could be a lot worse. It sounds like you’re going through a lot x