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Original poster

What do you think about leaving money to 1 nephew but not to his brothers

30 replies

skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 10:13

I have 3 nephews, the oldest one is also my Godson, I love him dearly and I don't like his brothers, He is 20 years old, the brothers are 18 and 14. I have never really liked them and how they behave. Also the oldest one is not treated well by his own parents. So I have left my money to him. What do you think of my decision?

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StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 10:15

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Original poster
skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 10:19

Hopefully not, we have just remade our wills, but DH and I always say that DN1 is our favourite. His parents have always favoured his younger brothers and do it openly and even kind of brag about it. They see DN1 as a nuisance but we think he is lovely.

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cmotdibbler · 21/05/2008 10:22

Its up to you what you do with your money. Dh and I have just been doing our wills, and have had a lovely time deciding what to do with the money if all 3 of us die. We chose some great charities !

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 10:23

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StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 10:26

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Original poster
skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 10:28

Thank you We have felt this way about my nephews for several years especially DN2. But it is also the way that DN1 is treated by his parents, iyswim. I do agree that we may change our minds in the future.

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NotActuallyAMum · 21/05/2008 10:32

Agree with your money, your choice

As things stand with me, I've left my half of everything to all 10 of my nieces and nephews jointly, but I won't hesitate to change it in the future if anything ever happens to make me want to

Perfectly reasonable IMO

Original poster
skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 10:36

They already give money to DN2 like paying for him to learn to drive but they wouldn't help DN1, {they tell people this} DN1 is at Uni and DN2 is doing A levels. I think actually the money DN1 will get from us is more than a 1/3 of their money so he won't need thiers. We want to set DN1 up for a good start in life. iyswim. An equal share of our estate is being shared with charity too.

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StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 10:42

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Original poster
skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 10:46

No, there is no way I am going to tell parents. He lives in a rented house near Uni and doesn't go home very often.

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wannaBe · 21/05/2008 10:49

hmmm.

On the one hand I think your money, your choice.

But on the other hand, how would you feel if this was your children? If one of your siblings clearly favoured one child over the others?

Don't you think you're setting up for a nice family fude once you're gone if you leave all your money to one person and deliberately exclude the others?

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 10:50

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posieflump · 21/05/2008 10:51

do you have children of your own?

cornsilk · 21/05/2008 10:54

I think it could cause him problems with his siblings and his parents.
I wouldn't do it.

Original poster
skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 10:55

We always treat them the same now ie same amount of money for christmas and birthday. Even though DN2 and DN3 never say thanks.

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flowerybeanbag · 21/05/2008 10:58

It's your money and you should be able to do what you want with it. But the reality is it may well cause problems, jealousy, arguments, resentment, I've known people in a similar situation.

Can't think of any alternatives though I'm afraid.

[unhelpful]

Lazylou · 21/05/2008 10:59

I'm with WannaBe. Was in a similar situation when my nan died. DD and I (only GDs) were left money, my brother and 4 male cousins, nothing and it has caused no end of trouble. I felt so bad about it all that I ended up sharing my inheritence with them all (none of them said thanks and my mum seemed to think it was my brother's right ). Needless to say there have been countless arguments and feuding, so with the little I had left, I went and spent it on absolutely nothing so it couldn't be argued about any more.

I do agree though, your money, your choice.

bellavita · 21/05/2008 11:01

My uncle left his money to two of my cousins (who are still children) and they got rather a lot. I felt a little bit .

His brother (who the children belong to) and his wife made no effort whatsoever with my uncle who was quite a poorly man and if he ever went round to their house they would ignore him knocking on their door.

He had lots of other neices and nephews (myself included) and although it was up to him what he did with the money I thought it would have been nicer to at least split it with all the small children in the family, including my own two DC's.

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 11:01

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Original poster
skinnyjeans · 21/05/2008 11:02

Yes the Will only gives him the money if none of us are alive. I don't think the Will will make any difference to the relationshp in their family and the way they treat him it couldn't be much worse. The problem is that if we give him money now then we will have to give it to DN2 when he goes in October. We support DN1 emotionally though. In our previous Wills all three of them and my brother and sister were in as well. And now my sister gets all my jewellery and my Brother gets some money. {my brother doesn't have any children}

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SNoraWotzThat · 21/05/2008 11:04

To deliberately exclude the others because you don't like them as much and feel or make a judgement that the parents treat them differently, is a bad choice and I am sure your brother or sister (their parents) would be quite upset to know you feel like this. It could lead to bad feelings for the 3 of them later in life.

I see you are his godparent, maybe you moral and financial support would be more beneficial now as he is at uni.

I think its terrible to leave unequal amounts in a will between the 3 of them. That's my answer to your question.

flowerybeanbag · 21/05/2008 11:05

Starlight I think a will is in the public domain once probate is all sorted, iirc.

In any case these things have a habit of coming out, people will naturally wonder what happened and would probably be able to guess/work it out more or less anyway, particularly if it's any kind of substantial-ish sum at all.

Not ideal, and I don't have an alternative to propose either. Of course it may be that by the time this might be an issue, it will be ages and ages and contact between the relevant people might be minimal anyway, and it might matter less. People I've known have been younger and a close family, so it's been more obvious iykwim.

zazen · 21/05/2008 11:06

To avoid any problems with his siblings - whom he may love dearly now, and / or in the future - I think you could leave them both a little bit and you 'godson' the majority.
Just my feeling on it - after all you don't want to divide your godson from his sibs in the future do you?
Having said that it's your money.

SaintGeorgeasaurus · 21/05/2008 11:08

Name him as your godson in the will and leave him the money on that basis, not as your nephew IYSWIM.

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2008 11:13

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