Fair finances

[ThatWittyRubyPanda]

Looking for a little insight into people's thoughts of the fairness of splitting holiday costs.
For context, both of us are previously divorced and have separate finances, together 3 years. Both have one child each from previous marriages.
Looking into booking a holiday and wondered what people's thoughts were - should it be proportionate to salary in terms of who pays more of the cost, or totally equal? I do earn more and I do feel the latter is fairer, particularly as also have DS and DSS coming too. My partner feels it should be proportionate, otherwise he couldn't go away at all 🤔
I resent paying more, but wondering if I am being unfair?

Depends on how much you both earn.

You're not married so equal shares seems fairest but the holiday price should be aimed at the lower budget
But people probably have lots of different ways of arranging things

Do you live together as partners?

Depends - if he earns very little / would have to make big sacrifices to come on holiday and you earn millions, you should pay more. Also, if he would be happy going somewhere basic and you are pushing for somewhere fancy, you should pay more. In any other circumstance - definitely an even split!

Well equal is probably fairest as you don’t share finances. However if that means he can’t afford to go, I guess you have to decide whether you’d rather pay a bit more and go on holiday with him or insist on equal shares and therefore have to go without him as he can’t afford it.

Yes, we live together and all bills equal (though that was a bone of contention for awhile).
I probably earn around £14,000 more per year, but surplus each month is around the same due to my outgoings (car finance, student loan, the usual - but stuff he doesn't have).

So does he want you to subsidise a holiday for him & his dc?

If you live together & pay for everything proportionately then it would make sense to do the same for a holiday.

If everything is separate & you each pay for your own day to day living then 50/50 would be fair.

Can you choose a cheaper holiday to make 50/50 affordable for him?

The other option is to choose a cheaper holiday so he can afford it.

I’d look for a option that’s affordable at 50/50 for you both

This, will he still be as keen to go?

I would pay more, if the alternative was not being able to go on holiday together at all.

If you are left with the same amount of disposable income each month then it wouldn’t be fair for you to pay more for the holiday.
im going on a long weekend with my boyfriend, my kids and his kids. He is paying for the villa and we are splitting the other costs. The reason for that though is there are a lot of complexities with one of his children and he wants me there to basically do the majority of the cooking etc to make it easier for him. That’s fine as he is paying more and it’s not a holiday I would choose to go on. It’s more for him and his kids than me and mine although I am happy he has offered to pay more as I couldn’t afford to go otherwise.

so with your partner unless he has much less money than you each month which it doesn’t sound like he does or he will do most of the work on the holiday then I don’t see why you would pay more.

People's comments are giving me food for thought- so thank you all. I am definitely the one who likes the more expensive hotels, he probably would go somewhere a little cheaper than I would, so I guess we need to compromise and meet in the middle. But then if I do want the nicer places then maybe I just need to suck it up and pay more!!

Quite possibly yes

Yes, you cant really insist on the more expensive option when he’d be happy with a cheaper one if you’re also insisting on him paying half.

It’s not fair for you to want the more expensive option and insist he pays half. If you don’t want to go somewhere cheaper, you could go away just you and your child.
When you have people with different budgets, the holiday really needs to be based on what the lower earner can afford.
Obviously he can’t push for the more expensive option just because he is expecting you to pay more, but it doesn’t sound like this is the case here?

If you were a man and partner a woman, and she was posting, most commenters would be saying that bills should be split proportionally according to your wages

How about price up and cheaper holiday and look at the proportion difference it is to go on the expensive one for you

Good idea! X

If you earn more and want nicer stuff then you really shouldn’t resent paying more. The waters a bit muddied perhaps because you say after outgoings you have roughly the same disposable cash but I guess that’s again due you you having a fancier car and more extravagant outgoings. (But I accept this is an assumption).

I think you need to find a compromise