AIBU? Spending on joint account

[OutsideEveryday]

Bit of background - I am a worrier and a saver, my partner is a spender. I have been saving for a house since I was 21 (27 now and just bought our first house) and DP was in roughly 6k debt when we met.

All credit to him, the man has absolutely changed. He’s not only cleared his debt but managed to save around 20k towards our house deposit over the past 4 years, so he is absolutely a million times better with money now.

Recently we set up a joint account for bills, just made sense because of the mortgage to split all bills 50/50, and we pretty much only use this account for spending now, both our salaries go into it.

We have a 2 year old and I’m about to have baby #2 imminently (due next week). I’ve saved to cover the lack of maternity pay, but money will still naturally be tight this year as obviously haven’t been able to save as much as my normal income would be.

I do the budgets for us, as I like that kind of thing. I budget £150 a month for miscellaneous spending.

The problem is, now we have the joint account we can see what each other spend. He’s been spending around £5, about 3x a week, on food/drinks while he’s at work. He does a physical job so he absolutely needs a lot of food and drink, but it’s nothing he couldn’t take from home - usually meal deals and big bottles of water.

Every evening he says ‘I’ll make my lunch in the morning’ because he’s shattered and just wants to sit down, which I get. But then often he won’t have time or forgets to make it in the morning.

I may be sooo unreasonable here, but it’s starting to add up and eat away at our budget. £15 per week is £60 per month of our miscellaneous spending gone, on stuff he could take with him to work, that we could make at home for much cheaper?

So, am I being a complete pain in the ass and should just let the man live? Or do I speak to him about it and ask that we start making stuff at home instead?

Perhaps set up sole accounts too and transfer £75 each from the £150 to spend as you both like.

You need separate discretionary spending budgets.
We have a joint account we pay in enough to cover bills, household and DC expenditure, and then I transfer an agreed amount from that into savings accounts.
We are both left with the same amount of discretionary spending each month in our personal accounts. I still save some of mine but that is mine, not family money, and it means I don't get cross when I see how much DH spends on comics and painting materials!
DH also used to be bad with money he is 100% better now but still spendier than I am.

We only use the joint account for bills and house items, family days out, holidays etc. We have our own current accounts for lunches, clothes, day to day spending. We just transfer a set amount each into the joint each month and whatever we have left behind in our own account we can spend as we like.

I do our finances, and when we fully combined them, I did struggle a bit not to comment about these types of purchases. I purposely don’t now. My husband works hard and barely spends a thing on himself, so if he’s hungry and fancies a drink or some food out, he deserves it. I think it depends on your financial goals at the time and if there is an overall imbalance in spending on non essentials.

You don't need a joint bank account OP. Sort something else out.

Do you guys not just make extra portions for dinner is he can. Take them the next day.

sorting lunch in the morning is too much effort. Just an extra portion in tupaware in the fridge the night before and buy some snacks / fruits for him to take in

make it a habit till it’s part of your routine

I get it. I do our finances & would budget every last penny to our goals. And what I think isn't important, matters to him. My husband is the same. Convenience is sometimes worth paying for. My husband has the occasional lunch at work, coffees a couple days a week. I work from home so don't have this temptation. The way I see it is he works hard & this is his treat. Can you afford to set a lunch budget? & Still have your misc spending or allocate yourself the same for something that makes your life easier

Separate discretionary spend accounts. This works well for DH and I. We both have exactly the same amount, regardless of income (who’s the highest earner varies over the year). If we go out together we both pay 50:50 from our discretionary spends. Our joint accounts are for bills, savings for holidays, Christmas, house maintenance, clothes and activities for DC etc.

We have a joint account we live from but our wages go into our personal accounts. If we are buying lunches at work say once a month it would come out of our joint account but if it was regular or we went to the pub for lunch it would come out of our personal accounts. For us an approximately 95:5 split for spending from joint account Vs personal accounts.
Another example is clothes. If I throw in a t shirt or some socks for one of us into the food shop at the supermarket that's ok to come out of joint money but if I was to buy myself a pretty dress for work I'd pay for that out of my personal account

i agree with everyone else that you either need solo accounts for spending your ‘share’ or you need to tell him that from now you are doing miscellaneous spends in cash so that nobody goes over the agreed limit whilst your income has diminished , give him his share and when it’s gone it’s gone .