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Original poster

Is there a fair way to split this money or is it going to cause a fall out?

115 replies

Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 09:39

A couple get together in 2000, let’s call them Harry & Sally and they got married (both in their early 70’s now)

Harry moved in to Sallys house

Harry has two adult daughters from a previous relationship and Sally has two adult sons.

Grandchildren on both sides.

Both worked until about 2012 and took early retirement.

In about 2012, Harry came in to some money (inheritance) that was worth more than the value of Sallys house, say £150,000 and they used that money to upgrade the house (new kitchen, bathroom and roof) buy a brand new car each, go on expensive holidays, such as the Caribbean several times, cruises, Las Vegas, Dubai and staying in expensive hotels and basically enjoining their retirement and spending the money he (they) came in to. It enabled them to take early retirement too.

There is no capital left now as it’s been spent over the years on the above.

If they were doing their wills, should the house go to Sally’s sons and nothing for Harry’s daughters, because the house was hers to begin with and only in her name and she’d paid off a lot of the mortgage before they met.

Or should it be split between both Harry and Sallys adult children, because Harry brought more money in to the relationship than Sally, but because it wasn’t in bricks and motor it was all spent on their joint pleasure. Sally absolutely benefited from the lump sum and the hosue was upgraded.

I think the house will be earmarked for Sallys children, however I think Harry’s children will have something to say about it. I can see a family feud brewing…..

(I’m none of the above)

What would you suggest is the solution?

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 01/04/2025 12:25

It's fair to split it between the four of them. They've been married and cohabiting in that house for a long time. They clearly work as a team, Harry got to live in the house without Mortgage, but Sally got at least half the benefit of his inheritance. You say some of it went on upgrades to the house, major ones too. So I'd say he is equally entitled to the house, so presuming he loves both his kids equally he should give them a quarter each.
If it is likely to cause discord just do not discuss it at all with the kids. Let them find out when both of you are dead!

Buttonknot · 01/04/2025 12:29

Equal split seems fairest to me.

Richiewoo · 01/04/2025 12:41

It should be split equally between all the kids. Not sure why this is a question.

CaptBirdsEar · 01/04/2025 12:48

Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 09:46

Always one 🙄

Show quote history

Well are you telling me it isn’t?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/04/2025 12:52

An equal split between all four kids would be the obvious solution. Each partner has brought resource into the relationship. Hopefully, Harry will have had the sense to protect himself when deciding to spend the inheritance.

Are some of the kids arguing against an equal split? What are Harry and Sally currently thinking they will do?

shiningstar2 · 01/04/2025 12:53

The problem will probably intensify if/ when one of them dies. Often everything is left to the surviving partner in a marriage, then despite promises that all will end up sharing equally, the surviving spouse leaves everything to his/her children. Happens time and again. The promise of equal shares is meant when it's made but 5 years down the line people are more likely to hear this asset is ''mine' and I can leave it where I like. Legally true but not very principled. I've heard it all as my friends are all getting on in years. Well said SS never visits ext ext. The only answer, as far as I can see is getting everything down in a clear will ..leave nothing to the chances of how a surviving spouse will feel five years down the line.

Quitelikeit · 01/04/2025 12:55

They are married

This always confuses me

How can Sally leave the house to whoever she wants when in reality marriage means he owns 50pc?

can someone clarify?

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/04/2025 12:58

I think equal split given the length of the relationship and that Harry has clearly 'shared' his wealth with Sally.

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/04/2025 13:02

Quitelikeit · 01/04/2025 12:55

They are married

This always confuses me

How can Sally leave the house to whoever she wants when in reality marriage means he owns 50pc?

can someone clarify?

It's complicated. Sally can bequeath her house to whoever she likes but Harry could appeal. I don't think there is a hard and fast rule as to whether that appeal would be successful, I think it depends on the extent to which the surviving spouse has been 'provided for'.

Catapultaway · 01/04/2025 13:03

Assuming they are both alive and they have little other savings they should do a sale and lease back and spend the equity enjoying the rest of their retirement. Solves the arguments 😁

Truetoself · 01/04/2025 13:07

They should leave money for all 4 maybe more to Sally’s children. They both benefited from Harry ma inheritance. Otherwise he would have saved some of that money for them

Chewbecca · 01/04/2025 13:26

If we are confident they brought roughly equal amounts to the relationship, leaving the property to all 4 would be fair IMO.

However, will any of the DC likely receive an inheritance from their other parent? E.g. Harry's first wife / their mother - is there a house there he partly paid for that his DC expect to inherit? Ours is a blended family, we have tried to roughly even up the totals.

RaspberryBeretxx · 01/04/2025 13:27

Assuming the blowing through the £150,000 was a joint decision and they benefited equally (rather than, say, Harry pushing it and Sally worrying that they should save some) then I'd say even split of house between all DC. Sally should let her DC know that she fully benefited from the inheritance money, the house has increased in value due to it and that is why it is being split that way.

Original poster
Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 14:20

CaptBirdsEar · 01/04/2025 12:48

Well are you telling me it isn’t?

Show quote history

No shit Sherlock that it’s up to the person writing the will, but why question why I’m posting. I’m asking for perspectives on the topic and I’ve explained why. It WILL likely involve my opinion as to what I think is fair and I can see it going to court when the time comes

OP posts:
wherearemypastnames · 01/04/2025 14:24

Yes I could see that being trouble - the house will be half Harry’s though won’t it if sally dies since they are married ? She would be nasty to give the house to her kids in a will and leave him homeless especially after 25 years together -

Original poster
Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 14:25

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/04/2025 12:52

An equal split between all four kids would be the obvious solution. Each partner has brought resource into the relationship. Hopefully, Harry will have had the sense to protect himself when deciding to spend the inheritance.

Are some of the kids arguing against an equal split? What are Harry and Sally currently thinking they will do?

Yes Sallys kids think the house is earmarked for them because it was their family home as children, but Harry’s kids have other ideas.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 01/04/2025 14:26

Harry and Sally need to have a long hard conversation including legal advice and work out exactly how they are going to split it all because the money out in needs to be recognised

Gelatibon · 01/04/2025 14:28

Quitelikeit · 01/04/2025 12:55

They are married

This always confuses me

How can Sally leave the house to whoever she wants when in reality marriage means he owns 50pc?

can someone clarify?

Of course Sally can leave it wherever she likes. I own a house that I bought with late DH. If I remarried, that wouldn't mean I couldn't leave the house to DC.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/04/2025 14:30

As they've been married for 25 years, if they divorced I think the marital home would be split 50/50. Therefore, it would seem fair for it to be split between the two sets of adult children. The home improvements paid for by Harry will have definitely increased the value of Sally's house. They have also spent Harry's inheritance on holidays and cars that benefit both of them.

Gelatibon · 01/04/2025 14:30

Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 14:25

Yes Sallys kids think the house is earmarked for them because it was their family home as children, but Harry’s kids have other ideas.

Edited
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What do Harry and Sally think?

I genuinely don't give my parents estate a second thought, I hope they live long enough to spend it all and suspect most will go on care anyway. The fact the the children are talking about it would have me considering leaving it all to the dogs' home.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 01/04/2025 14:32

My suggestion is that Harry and Sally sell up, buy a boat, sail off into the wild blue yonder, and anyting left over goes to the dogs home. Problem solved - the kids are all equally pissed off.

TeapotCollection · 01/04/2025 14:33

Catapultaway has got it! We plan on doing this, there’ll be some pissed off people when we croak it 😆

Gelatibon · 01/04/2025 14:33

wherearemypastnames · 01/04/2025 14:24

Yes I could see that being trouble - the house will be half Harry’s though won’t it if sally dies since they are married ? She would be nasty to give the house to her kids in a will and leave him homeless especially after 25 years together -

No it wouldn't. This has just happened with my friend's mum. She was living in her house, remarried for 17 years. She's left things so her husband can stay in the house as long as he needs to, but her DC will inherit. Otherwise there's a very real possibility it would have ended up gojng to his DC.

Gelatibon · 01/04/2025 14:35

Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 14:20

No shit Sherlock that it’s up to the person writing the will, but why question why I’m posting. I’m asking for perspectives on the topic and I’ve explained why. It WILL likely involve my opinion as to what I think is fair and I can see it going to court when the time comes

Edited
Show quote history

Why would it go to court? What grounds would any of the children have to contest what either of the parents put in their will? They could leave it so someone else altogether if they choose.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 01/04/2025 14:37

Sourwitch · 01/04/2025 14:25

Yes Sallys kids think the house is earmarked for them because it was their family home as children, but Harry’s kids have other ideas.

Edited
Show quote history

Sounds like Harry and Sally need to start half some open and honest conversations with their kids.

And all of the kids need to lose their entitled attitudes and recognise that none of them have any automatic claim on their parents' money. The value of the house might all get eaten up in care costs in any case!