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Original poster

Personal spends and overtime

12 replies

tomorrowchild · 25/02/2025 08:53

Dh and I are finally in a position to have some personal spends each month after a few tough years financially. We still have a way to go but some loans etc are now paid off and we are not having to rely on the credit card on a monthly basis! This is lovely! For context we both work full time. He is the higher earner. He works 5 days I work 4.
(I'm doing full time condensed into 4 days)
He is on a salary,I'm paid per hour.
After all usual bills are paid and anything that may crop up that month (pets trip to the vet, new car tyres that sort of thing) I will evenly split any leftover money into our separate accounts to spend as we wish. All good.
However, I tend to pick up some overtime in my job quite often. Of course dh is on salary so can't do this. Should I be able to keep all of my overtime cash for myself as I've worked extra for it? Or should I split this with dh as he can't earn any extra being on salary?
Just to add I deal with all the mental load of the finances, bill paying etc as dh is terrible with money! And also 90% of all the housework too.
Interested in others opinions on this

OP posts:
JoyousPinkPeer · 25/02/2025 08:56

Only if he can keep the amount he earns higher than you. Suggest a savings account for overtime.

KarmenPQZ · 25/02/2025 11:33

If you share then you share. You can’t share but then decide to keep some to yourself

well done on getting through the tough times

Nearlyadoctor · 25/02/2025 11:49

No it should be shared, you share his higher salary and say he can’t pick up overtime as salaried. If you want to keep your overtime payments then you should only be putting equal amounts in the joint pot and he keeps his extra salary .
Well done on getting a handle on things though.

kaela100 · 25/02/2025 12:24

tomorrowchild · 25/02/2025 08:53

Dh and I are finally in a position to have some personal spends each month after a few tough years financially. We still have a way to go but some loans etc are now paid off and we are not having to rely on the credit card on a monthly basis! This is lovely! For context we both work full time. He is the higher earner. He works 5 days I work 4.
(I'm doing full time condensed into 4 days)
He is on a salary,I'm paid per hour.
After all usual bills are paid and anything that may crop up that month (pets trip to the vet, new car tyres that sort of thing) I will evenly split any leftover money into our separate accounts to spend as we wish. All good.
However, I tend to pick up some overtime in my job quite often. Of course dh is on salary so can't do this. Should I be able to keep all of my overtime cash for myself as I've worked extra for it? Or should I split this with dh as he can't earn any extra being on salary?
Just to add I deal with all the mental load of the finances, bill paying etc as dh is terrible with money! And also 90% of all the housework too.
Interested in others opinions on this

You either share everything or you don't share anything other than your share of bills (in which case your DH might end up becoming heaps better off and you worse off)

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 25/02/2025 13:05

Does he keep any bonuses or do they go into joint savings? Extra cash is extra cash and he is contributing his into the joint pot already.

You work FT, just over 4 days. Don't undersell yourself or allow it to become the excuse for you being the default housekeeper/childminder etc. I would ask why he is not pulling his weight more on the 4 long days you do? What do you get from this arrangement where you do 4 long days, all the household donkey work, possible childcare and the opportunity for overtime to be shared....

JoyousEagle · 25/02/2025 13:13

I don't think the housework stuff is relevant. It needs addressing, I just wouldn't mix it with the finances.

I think if you share your salaries generally, then you should share the overtime. The excess money is currently split evenly, I don’t see that you can reasonably argue that his higher salary should be split, but when you earn more it shouldn’t.

Original poster
tomorrowchild · 25/02/2025 15:03

Thanks for the replies. I'm more than happy to split any overtime pay I've earned. In the past any bonuses dh has earned have gone into the joint pot for bills/paying down debts or home improvements.We are a little better off now and not used to having spare cash for ourselves. He would happily give me the shirt off his back but is rather useless when it comes to money. I like to give us equal spends so he can learn how to budget for himself through the month. I've tried to engage him with the monthly spreadsheets on outgoings etc but he's absolutely not interested so I deal with all of that. Also regarding the housework I've gone from part time to full time over the years, and been default housekeeper/ main parent as I work
Night shifts, so I am "home "during the day time. (Although I do need to sleep!)

OP posts:
Sockersandbox · 25/02/2025 18:01

What is this 'mental load' of bill paying that people like to speak of on Mumsnet

I'm nearly 40 and feel like I'm doing something wrong!

Original poster
tomorrowchild · 25/02/2025 18:10

Sockersandbox · 25/02/2025 18:01

What is this 'mental load' of bill paying that people like to speak of on Mumsnet

I'm nearly 40 and feel like I'm doing something wrong!

Well in my case it's making sure there's enough money in the account each month for the direct debits. Paying the credit card bills/ moving them to another for a better interest rate. Budgeting for the food shop. Renewing and finding better deals when insurances are due. Sometimes juggling money around (robbing Peter to pay Paul) when money is very tight and you have an unexpected expense crop up! Switching mortgage when your fixed deal ends.
To name a few

OP posts:
Loveduppenguin · 25/02/2025 18:16

Being on a salary isn’t the reason he can’t do overtime, I’m on a salary and get overtime. He just doesn’t have an overtime option. Anyway…I say it should all go into the one pot and is shared.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 25/02/2025 18:23

Given he's rubbish with money and you've just come out of a difficult time, I'd keep quiet and put the overtime money into a savings account, which you could use for a holiday or as rainy-day money. If he's the kind who can't rest if there's a bit of spare money, then it's better not to talk about that extra income.

pompey38 · 25/02/2025 18:29

Sockersandbox · 25/02/2025 18:01

What is this 'mental load' of bill paying that people like to speak of on Mumsnet

I'm nearly 40 and feel like I'm doing something wrong!

A load of 💩 ,majority are feeling “ overwhelmed “ by booking a gp appointment and a birthday party, things that parents did for donkeys years without a problem now it seems to affect everyone mentally 😂

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