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Continuation of financial abuse years after divorce

20 replies

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 09:40

I've been divorced since 2018. Married to ExH for 14 years. We have 1 DS. I saw the light and realised he'd been abusing me psychologically and financially. Putting fear into me to make me reliant on him.
I work part time during school hours and I claim Universal Credit and Child Benefit. DS has residency with me through a court order. ExH makes no financial contribution to DS and does not pay any maintenance. He works but doesn't declare it so I can't chase him for money.

It's been one thing after another for many years with ExH trying all sorts of different ways to ruin me financially. To him it's a game. From utility company scams, insurance fraud, fraudulent activity with the bank and benefit fraud, and I get caught up in the middle.

Since I moved over from Child Tax Credit to Universal Credit just over a year ago it's been a constant struggle. He has realised that if he goes online to make a claim for DS with Universal Credit, it automatically stops my payment. I go through the whole process of making an appointment with UC, taking the day off work, getting all my documents together, travelling 25 miles to the UC office, to prove once again I am entitled to claim. I did this 3 times last year with UC and once with HMRC for Child Benefit. It is relentless and I'm fed up. UC said that there isn't anything they can do as it's a computer system thing and they can't stop it from happening.

ExH is now taking UC to a tribunal that they say I can attend if I'd like to because it's my claim. It's for 4 months worth of payments last year.

I am so sick of this, it's making me ill. It's a dark cloud hanging over me constantly. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I've been to the police who tell me to log everything with them but in reality there isnt much they can do as it's a civil matter and not a police matter. I've been to Women's Aid and been turned away because they are so inundated with cases. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

OP posts:
Danikm151 · 05/02/2025 12:35

No advice to give but I’m so sorry you are in this situation!

surely UC can have systems in place to stop this- has your complaint been escalated?

AnotherVice · 05/02/2025 13:28

That is totally shit. You don't say how old your dc is but if I were you, I'd start working full time so you aren't reliant on the benefits. You shouldn't have to of course but how satisfying would it be to know you ex can't fuck about with your finances anymore.

AnSolas · 05/02/2025 13:36

Can you go back to court and get the government paymemts allocated to you?
Or at least try get an order that any money he gets awarded has to be paid over to you?

TomatoSandwiches · 05/02/2025 13:48

Surely this is harassment and the police should be able to intervene at some point?

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 14:50

AnotherVice · 05/02/2025 13:28

That is totally shit. You don't say how old your dc is but if I were you, I'd start working full time so you aren't reliant on the benefits. You shouldn't have to of course but how satisfying would it be to know you ex can't fuck about with your finances anymore.

I know what you're saying, it would be nice. DS is 13, i have worked full time but this didn't work out because of not having any childcare before and after school, mainly because of my rural location. There aren't any breakfast clubs and only one occasional after school club. It's rubbish. No buses and no one else locally goes to the same school . If I could find a way to supplement my income to be able to drop the benefit I would. I'm a bit rubbish at making that jump.

OP posts:
GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 14:51

Danikm151 · 05/02/2025 12:35

No advice to give but I’m so sorry you are in this situation!

surely UC can have systems in place to stop this- has your complaint been escalated?

It was escalated the first time, and I dropped the complaint when I got my money. Maybe I should complain again and again. Really get on their case.

OP posts:
GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 14:55

AnSolas · 05/02/2025 13:36

Can you go back to court and get the government paymemts allocated to you?
Or at least try get an order that any money he gets awarded has to be paid over to you?

I'm not sure, I'll look into this.

OP posts:
Msmoonpie · 05/02/2025 14:58

Speak to the police as well. His behaviour sounds a lot like harassment to me.

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 14:59

TomatoSandwiches · 05/02/2025 13:48

Surely this is harassment and the police should be able to intervene at some point?

Yes it is. What the law says and what the police are prepared to do about it are 2 different things. When we were together he vandalised and set fire to my garden, and also threatened to kill me in front of my son. I went straight to the police and I was told that there wasn't enough evidence to arrest him. He gets away with it every time.

OP posts:
GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:02

AnotherVice · 05/02/2025 13:28

That is totally shit. You don't say how old your dc is but if I were you, I'd start working full time so you aren't reliant on the benefits. You shouldn't have to of course but how satisfying would it be to know you ex can't fuck about with your finances anymore.

How do I stop him taking out loans, finance and credit cards in my name? He's always doing it. The finance companies don't seem to care that the signature is fake.

OP posts:
nightmarepickle2025 · 05/02/2025 15:07

The loan stuff is fraud so surely the police can do something about that?

username299 · 05/02/2025 15:07

Contact Rights of Women who can give you free legal advice and contact your local domestic abuse organisation. You can find them on your council website. You can also contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline.

SoManyTshirts · 05/02/2025 15:12

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:02

How do I stop him taking out loans, finance and credit cards in my name? He's always doing it. The finance companies don't seem to care that the signature is fake.

Register with Experian and other credit agencies and get them to flag your details for possible fraud.

And shop the B to HMRC.

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:13

username299 · 05/02/2025 15:07

Contact Rights of Women who can give you free legal advice and contact your local domestic abuse organisation. You can find them on your council website. You can also contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline.

I contacted my local DA charity. I've been put on their waiting list to speak to an outreach worker which is a 4 to 5 month wait. I'll try Rights for Women. Thank you.

OP posts:
Nn9011 · 05/02/2025 15:14

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:02

How do I stop him taking out loans, finance and credit cards in my name? He's always doing it. The finance companies don't seem to care that the signature is fake.

Go to the website CIFAS, select the option victim of fraud and register yourself on there. It's about £20 for 2 years but will flag to any companies that you are a victim of identity theft. It should reduce this happening.

beAsensible1 · 05/02/2025 15:17

can you move out of rural so you have a bit more opportunities for work and transport for yourself an DS, even if its just closer to the school or the local town.

As long you are claiming benefit this will be an issue as regardless of injunction etc, this will just be an automatic trigger on the UC system. its coded into how its built and i doubt they'll provide a solution to you unfortunately.

alternatively is it possible for DC to cycle to school?

Sorry this is happening OP, this sounds awful.

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:18

Nn9011 · 05/02/2025 15:14

Go to the website CIFAS, select the option victim of fraud and register yourself on there. It's about £20 for 2 years but will flag to any companies that you are a victim of identity theft. It should reduce this happening.

Thank you. I didn't know about this.

OP posts:
Cadenza12 · 05/02/2025 15:18

You need to gather evidence and go to the police. If you want this to stop you need to take action. Stand up to him, get some support and go through with it.

username299 · 05/02/2025 15:19

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:13

I contacted my local DA charity. I've been put on their waiting list to speak to an outreach worker which is a 4 to 5 month wait. I'll try Rights for Women. Thank you.

Try the National Domestic Abuse Helpline as suggested. They're open 24/7. You can also check out Surviving Economic Abuse website .

Financial Support line for advice and guidance call our freephone number 08081968845 between 9am–5pm Monday to Friday

I need help - Surviving Economic Abuse

If a current or former partner has interfered with your money or other economic resources to limit your choices, this information is for you.

https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/

JoyousPinkPeer · 05/02/2025 15:26

GetMeOffThisMerrygoround · 05/02/2025 15:02

How do I stop him taking out loans, finance and credit cards in my name? He's always doing it. The finance companies don't seem to care that the signature is fake.

That's fraud and I'm sure the police would take action.

He must lead a real miserable existence to be doing this.

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