Child maintenance when 50/50

[Thestruggleisreal21]

Can anyone tell me their experience and outcome of joint custody with their father. His income is a lot more and the CMS calculator states he should pay an amount monthly.
The children do stay with him week about, but there isn't shared caring responsibilities as he doesn't deal with any appointments, sick days, or deal with any of the issues and support and admin to do with their disability ( even when it is his week), l work part time as one child especially needs a lot of extra support, I'm a registered carer for him and his appointee. I also am their primary parent and get CB(child benefit) I pay for their food, clothes, most of the lunch money and travel expenses, hobbies even on his weeks.
He said that CMS have told him to stop paying CM because he has them 50/50. Why does their calculator say he should pay, but over the phone their advice is he doesn't have to pay.
Has anyone had a similar experience?
What was the outcome?
Do they consider things like caring for a child when sick, appointments, being a carer? How do I prove that I pick them up and look after them when they are ill? Take them to appointments etc? Do I have to?
If he isn't to pay CM, that's fine if that's the rule/law. But I don't understand why the calculator and the advice I'm given is different from what he is being told.

The calculator works based on nights they spend with either parent, not the "wraparound".

So if they really spend half the nights with him, then yes no payment is due.

Hi OP, are you able to see a solicitor even for a free consultation? I know of a couple who have 50/50 but the higher earner still pays a level of CM in order to maintain more equal living standards. But this arrangement was set up about 10 years ago.

Have you been documenting the time spent with the kids (days, not just nights) plus the extra appointments etc? I suggest doing this for a month or so and then having a chat with a solicitor for their take.

It's on nights spent with them, not the nitty gritty bits unfortunately. Can you tell him that if he's paying nothing he has to actually do all care on his days? Don't help, don't pick up or have them home with you etc? Hard i know but if he wants the 'benefit' of 50/50 then he needs to pick up the slack of it as well

The online calculator is nonsense. Often when you speak to cms you get nonsense as well, the system is a mess.

You can make a claim on the basis that you are the resident parent for financial reasons. Keep receipts, you’ll need to upload these. Prove that you are shouldering a greater financial burden.

The fact you are getting the CB will help (even though it shouldn’t matter). If you take them to appointments and he doesn’t then then keep proof of yours. If you look after them on his time then keep a record of messages between you agreeing this.

The earnings of each parent in a 50:50 arrangement doesn’t matter. My partner has 50:50 and pays voluntarily, as he’s a high earner and she doesn’t have a job, so he doesn’t want his DC to suffer.

The couple I know had a massive disparity in earnings so it was taken into account at the point of divorce and agreed between them and formalised in court. But like I said it was years ago and precedents do change.

You need to stop subsidizing his parenting time. His days are his to finance and to figure out logistics.

if he wants assistance, he can pay you for your help.

Well he has to pay what CM says if they say there’s an amount payable that’s what he has to pay. CMS will contact you direct so you don’t need to negotiate with him. It will be based on nights not any slack you pick up on his days. I have a disabled child and do everything too as that’s the only way it gets done. A paying parent can claim disability costs to reduce CM but not a receiving parent. If you are keeping 100% disability benefits for your household then it would be hard to argue you are out of pocket (and he may say these should be shared if you ask him pay disability costs). If the issue is you can’t work full time then you either have to agree a fairer split where his ‘nights’ are 24 hours, he pays for activities on his days and covers sick days / pays for childcare and / or you ask social care to assess you for support so you can work more. Unfortunately you can’t make a non resident parent help with their disabled child fairly if they don’t want to. You may also be able to make a financial claim to court through divorce or separation due to child’s disability including extending CM beyond age 20.

Just what I thought - clear as mud lol!

OK so The CMS calculator has a half the nights of the year box to tick, that's what is being ticked. Putting in his wages and all accurate information it says he has to pay a certain amount each month.
We are already legally divorced and had an informal agreement that he would pay ( nothing in writing) .
Now he is saying he is being told he shouldn't pay because he has them 50/50. But with half the year put in on their calculator it still says he has to pay!?!? I can't make sense of that.

Also - Im happy to pay for anything my children need (if I can afford to and within reason) even if it's his week and they ask me because I'm not putting them in the middle by telling them to ask their dad. That's not fair on them. They are my kids and I'm happy to financially and emotionally support them.

I just don't like that it's not clearcut - especially when it's a simple 50/50 agreement. This thread shows that we have been told different things.

You're right! When I got divorced it was f'all because of the 50/50

Why not arrange with your dh that you will keep a spreadsheet of all the extra costs of looking after the kids, then split it down the middle and he refunds half to you?

You could also say that you are happy to swap roles and return to work full time, if he is happy to drop his hours and take over all the childcare and admin and covering sickness/ inset days /activities. Alternatively you expect to be compensated for the effort and loss of earnings and pension. Or alternatively he does his “half” and you insist that he does it. ie if you’ve paid all their clothes, medical etc for a year, he now pays for everything, and does everything, for a year

Can you take him back to court and renegotiate the finances? I don’t know if it’s possible.

Ring CMS
He wouldn't be the first Ex that has has an imaginary conversation with CMS - or a real one down the pub with his mates and taken opinion on the matter over fact.
In 50/50 he should be picking up the costs on his weeks. Doesn't make you a bad mum it just shows the light to the kids. Actions will speak volumes over words in this situation.
Good Luck OP

I have tried for over a year for him to be reasonable. He is not a reasonable person and is abusive. He puts me through a lot and i have little to do with him for my own MH.

I can't afford a lawyer or to go to court. Im not entitled to legal aid. Also the stress of it all is not worth that trouble.
I will wait leave it to CMS I think.
I feel a situation that is simple like 50/50, 100% etc should be black and white answer. The calculator should be accurate and enough proof for him.

@Thestruggleisreal21
Have you spoken to CMS yourself not just used the online calculator?
They can be very helpful - not everyone's opinion of them.

If he has the kids 50%, he could also claim cms from you going by the calculator.

There is something written on the calc page to say child maintenance isn't payable when the care is split 50/50.

BUT... If he is stopping paying, you need to make it clear that on his 50% you will provide absolutely nothing. No pick ups, no sick cover, no club transport or payments, no clothes, no appointment ferrying, etc.

He can't have it both ways!

Agreed no payment is due but make him take full responsibility for DC when he has them. Ensure that school know when he has DC. If a DC is sick on one of his days school should be ringing him not you. On his days he needs to take them to their hobbies and pay for those sessions not you. He needs to pay for half their clothing and purchase half of it too not just expect this type of responsibility is beneath him. He needs to deal with appointments that fall on his days with DC. They are his DC too so why does he expect you to deal with all of their life admin? Once he pulls his weight you could work more hours. I hope he does laundry for DC on days he has them or does he send it all back dirty for you to deal with? Don't let your ex walk all over you.

I don't want to get into an argument about this (it doesn't affect me anyway) but there are various examples on legal and mediation sites about this, where discrepancy in earnings is taken into consideration regardless of a 50/50 split. Also I know it to be true in real life examples of people I actually know. Anyway, here is one site which explains it. The online CMS calculator is a blunt instrument, but it also explains on there that you can appeal a decision in writing with evidence to back up your claim. Something which I'm sure OP can provide re. Appointments etc.

www.hampshiremediation.co.uk/do-i-still-have-to-pay-child-maintenance-if-we-have-shared-care/

This is not true
My ex claimed this and put in an appeal when I was awarded maintenance

He didn't win, I proved that I did the majority of the day to day care etc

The calculator was actually less than I got awarded

High earner

See my comment above, in some cases this just isn't true
Big disparity in incomes, i proved I was the one organising everything for the kids, access to parent pay etc
I got maintenance

Lots of false info on this thread. 50/50 overnight care doesn't not automatically mean 50/50 day to day care. The CMS calculator will give an an amount based on equal overnight care only. However CMS will have to determine that if there is a primary career of the child(ren) or if both parents are providing equal day to day care. If there is equal day to day care, then there is no maintenance, which can't be captured in a calculator.

Assuming you actually have a case open, unless CMS have given written notification to you both, to advise your case is closed, then he will not have been formally notified to stop paying so payments are still expected.

If you don't already have a case open, I would open one and then they can formally make a decision on whether you qualify for Maintenance and then you'll know for sure. If the decision is that there is equal day to day care, and you are not entitled to maintenance then you will need to ensure that he is sharing the care equally so that you are both doing your share.

It’s not putting them in the middle to ask their father if they are with him?

he should be paying for things and attending appointment during his parenting time. Not you.

You’re not actually doing 50/50 shared care because you still do things when the dc are with him. This needs to stop. On his week, he takes them to appointments. He pays for their activities. He looks after them when they're ill. He’s not doing these things because you are!

Firstly he needs to be paying for lunches on his days and he needs to be arranging wraparound and handling appointments on his days including dealing with school holidays etc. The only exception is anything specific paid for out of the dcs dla.

Can't you have an adult conversation with him and say he either does the above or he needs to pay you sufficient to cover these things. If properly 50/50 it isn't normal for cms to be paid, unless exceptional circumstances but it sounds like he wants 50/50 but not all the costs currently!

Thanks for the info.

There was a few comments saying things like when the child is sick on his days or has a medical appointment he needs to do it, etc and I get that. However, in reality how is that possible? I'm a mother, they are my kids and I want to be there for them. That part is not about money. Any tips on how to 'switch off' or let it go? and not make them a priority even when it's on my ex's days? Any books or websites to recommend how to navigate.
I honestly don't think I can do that, not to give my kids the best care they need no matter who's day it is. Is that weird of me?

I'd apply to CMS, include all the information that shows he doesn't actually do 50/50 childcare and see what they come up with, at worst you end up where you already are. Some people do get maintenance through CMS with 50/50, it's rare but not impossible.