We were brassic when we met, absolutely brassic. We both worked two jobs (sometimes three) and studied on the side. We also both had student debts. I got an injury right at the point of qualifying which meant I couldn't work at the level I paid to train at in my profession. So debt without the expected payoff and DH ended up going in a different direction so, in the end, his qualification was useless too.
For years and years, we lived hand to mouth paying off the student debts and making rent, reeling if an unexpected bill came in. Having several weeks where it was a variation of beans on toast. Nights awake worrying about bills and the banger of a car which was all we could afford but was also a lifeline to get us to work. Every penny mattered and we worked hard to make our budget work.
About 8 years ago we both came good. I was able to move into a field that paid well and I had an employer who invested in me. DH then got promoted, three times in three years. but our spending has not changed.
While it doesn't sound a big deal, in fact, it is to be commended, we scrimp on everything! everything that comes in the house, something has to leave. Everything is used to the last possible drop or until it is falling apart. Slightly threadbare carpets, lumpy mismatched second-hand sofa and furniture from a fire sale. All too good to throw, but has student-flat vibes.
Everything we have or own is gently used, second hand or a bargain - it is great for the environment but as a mindset, I am worried we are heading down the same path as my nana who lived in a time of rations and from then on always lived like a miser, no heating, no holidays, no frills, no fun - but on death, it was discovered she had an extraordinary amount of money in the bank.
I am genuinely concerned that because of our long cash strapped past we have become very fixed in how we view money and we do seem to get anxious or feel selfish/frivolous to spend a single pound that is not an absolute necessity. We overly justify why we are buying something that is not an absolute necessity rather than accept we can. we are very much straying into nana territory of no heating, no holidays, no frills, no fun.
For example, we promised we would sort the sad student sofa out and went shopping, looked at the at the cost and talked ourselves out of it (and lied to ourselves that we will wait until the January sales) - we still have the sofa, several years on. (we could buy a new sofa outright and not touch rainy days savings at all!)
I can feel us turning into my nana and gramps. even typing the above about potentially spending money has made me feel wound up and unaccountably anxious.
is there a gentle way to reprogram a overly frugal mindset (preferably using a free resource, just kidding lol)