Dealing with uneven pensions?

[weatherissweetenough]

If you're a long time married couple with very uneven pensions, how are you navigating/planning to navigate retirement?

The situation is this...DH had high paid job with very good pension and retired at 55. I've worked part time all along and done the lion's share of house stuff/bringing up kids/mental load.

I have a tiny pension that's worth bugger all as an income and will need to work until state pension (even that isn't full state pension due to P/T work)

We have a joint account for all household bills/holidays that DH pays into, i don't use that for personal expenses. I have my own account for my earnings but I also use it to buy household stuff/top up shops/take my turn buying meals out etc.

I could try and find a full time job now which would top up my NI and get me a better state pension, but it would impact both of us and the life we enjoy - we travel a quite a lot which I'm able to do with my job as it's very flexible. He would hate it if I worked full time and we couldn't go away when we wanted to, but I don't know what the solution is (I don't know what sort of job I'd get anyway, I'm not particularly well qualified for anything)

When I talk to him about it, he just says "it'll be fine, don't worry about money, we can live on my pension" but I do worry.
There's also a bit of resentment on my part that he's enjoying early retirement while I'm looking at working til I'm 70.

I don't know what the answer is (I don't even know what my question is really, I'm just worrying about my income in retirement and he isn't taking it seriously)

Yes as @Wildgoosegander says, please do take advice on what would happen if your DH passes away before you. I've seen this happen to family members and it has been awful for them. My DF tops up my DMs private pension for her to even out the disparity between them to ensure she has sufficient pension in the event something happens to him. This is also an option as well as buying credits for your state pension.

Well if he predeceases me I get all his money so I'm not sure that will cause any financial issues - and I'm pretty sure I could have half his pension in a divorce too.

• when you say the minimum state pension do you mean £221.20 or 10 years I.e. £63.20?*

As it stands now, my forecast is to get £116 a week (I thought that was the bare minimum but clearly not) If I was to start contributing the required NI now until I'm 67 it would go up to £195 a week.

@weatherissweetenough I think you should take further advice about DH predeceasing you.

You won't get all his pension, only a small percentage, about a third, depending on the scheme.
Any monies or savings can take a year to be released from the estate. You should investigate what provision you'll be left and plan for it.
If you did split a court would probably order him to pay you, but he might not pay without an order, and to get this done you couldn't have a no fault or simple divorce, you'd be looking at legal fees.
I'd advise getting some plans in place so that if you do want to keep working it's for personal independence and interest and a bit of extra money- not because you have to.

I think DB and DC pension schemes are different with regards to inheritance - DB schemes are likely to give a survivor's pension (but this would be significantly reduced) and DC schemes would pay out the remaining funds to the next of kin.

It's a DC pension

He start paying for absolutely everything, you save your income, take retirement when you want and that is that

I have never had any normal pension here, just some, some governmental , few work pensions, about 700 each in the pot, lol and have 0 h contract which gives me not hours. From job to job ...if I waited my income or pension to provide me a life in the UK, I'd be on benefits

Can you use some of the spare money you have now to top up your state pension? Your husband owes you at least this.

The very first thing, as pp has said is urgently find out if you have missing years and plug the gap. Dh can fund that.
Once you have done that work out when you want to retire. How much is hid pension? Could you live on it if you stopped working tomorrow?

We've looked at the gaps and he thinks it's pointless putting thousands of pounds today into plugging the gaps to get a bit of extra money in the future, when he's happy for us to live off his pension.

I think I'm going to just start using the joint account for pretty much everything and see if he makes any comments.

Look at Martin Lewis money saving expert website. It costs about £800 a year, and usually adds thousands over your lifetime. Most importantly it will be your pension, security for you no matter what happens to him.

I have a niggling feeling your DH see it as a good return on investment if it was his pension.

Maybe you need to discuss money with a therapist?

You're married, it's joint money, your husband is saying it's joint money - so this is your emotional issue, not a practical/financial issue.

You need to get your own advice on this.

Deadline is very soon, so take action now.

I can't imagine a partnership where one half of the couple has the financial freedom to retire at 55, Op, and the other needs to work until retirement age. It's just not fair

Hopefully you have had some good advice on this thread.

@weatherissweetenough no one can predict the future and I know it costs but paying for the missing years is a good deal. It takes about 3 years of state pension to get your money back.
At present the triple lock increases state pension each year so money invested now buys more and more pension in £ terms.

Plus as I’ve already said if he dies first you can’t get his state pension and his private/works pension will be a reduced widows pension.

There's also a bit of resentment on my part that he's enjoying early retirement while I'm looking at working til I'm 70.

Does he resent you for working part time for most of your adult life?

Big girl pants on time, this is a conversation that should have been had decades ago. It sounds like he's fine to share his pension so the issue is with you, sit down together, all finances laid out on the table.

Can you reframe your thinking on how you feel about spending ‘his’ pension?

You recognise you would likely receive half of his pension if you got divorced and this is fair because it reflects your contribution to the family household whilst he was earning.

It sounds like your husband recognises your contribution as well as he says his pension is for both of you.

So why do you feel differently to remaining happily married and benefiting from the pension than if you were divorced?

I would cash flow your spending JOINTLY and see if you can both retire.

How do you view work @weatherissweetenough ? I think that's more of a question than how you view money as pps have said.
Your DH is perfectly entitled to choose to retire or work or study as long as the money is there to support his choices. You don't need to work till you're 70 as you're sure that you'll be able to have half his pension.
But do you feel that by giving up work DH is losing his identity and you would prefer him to be working? It's a bit of an adjustment and some of the people who say they want to retire at the same time as their partners need to think about how being with DH full time at home will feel after an initial honeymoon period. If he's at home let him find his own routines, do most of the housework and get involved in volunteering or similar that will give him purpose. Don't rush to retire before you feel he's occupied and you are ready. It's a big adjustment apart from finances.