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What would you do?

6 replies

matilda1077 · 28/01/2025 11:20

I feel trapped in my current situation, and as much as I try to get myself out of it, I just keep hitting blocks.

I have a mortgage with an abusive ex partner. We split in November and are currently still sharing the house which is hell on earth, he's vile to me most days and the situation is toxic for our two DDs (3 & 4). He took out a £30,000 loan on top of our mortgage to do an extension, dug the footings and spent the money. I am now left with a huge hole the length of our house. The property is being valued low (but is likely to go for even lower because it's a big project for someone to take on). We also have an early exit penalty of £9k for repaying our mortgage early. As a result of this, I'll walk away with next to nothing, I won't even get my deposit back.

As things have been so tense at home I've been desperate to get out, and due to domestic abuse the council agreed to help me with housing benefit so I can find a private rental, despite having a mortgage. This is only valid for 52 weeks, so if the house doesn't sell within a year, my housing benefit will come to an end and I will struggle to cover the rent on my own as a single parent working part time around school hours. So essentially I'll be sat on a ticking time bomb.

I could keep our current house as I've been advised to get an injunction on ex, but I don't really want to do this. Even if I did, covering the bills all on my own (mortgage/utilities) would leave me really tight.

I don't want to live with him whilst all of this is resolved, I have no family to stay with. I finally found a landlord who would accept housing benefit but as I don't have a guarantor he has rejected my application.

No matter which way I try and escape this, there is always some sort of block. Getting a mortgage was one of the worst things I've ever done as I've fully trapped myself in this horrible situation.

What would you do?

OP posts:
TeeBee · 28/01/2025 11:22

I'd get the injunction then get a lodger to help cover the bills.

matilda1077 · 28/01/2025 11:24

@TeeBee I don't have the space Sad it's a 2 bed semi detached and my little girls already have to share a bedroom

OP posts:
gloriagloria99 · 28/01/2025 11:29

I would get advice from the citizens advice centre or somewhere like that

TeeBee · 28/01/2025 11:46

matilda1077 · 28/01/2025 11:24

@TeeBee I don't have the space Sad it's a 2 bed semi detached and my little girls already have to share a bedroom

Ah, I'm so sorry. That sounds really tough. You say things would be really tight covering the mortgage and bills yourself...that still sounds preferable to your current situation (although, I appreciate, very stressful in its own right). Are there ways of increasing your income once he's out? eCommerce while the girls are in bed? Dog walking?
What's the reason that you don't want to get an injunction against him?
No solution seems to be without barriers but it sounds vital you escape this situation. It sounds hideous for you and your girls.

matilda1077 · 28/01/2025 13:30

@TeeBee I don't want to get an injunction because I feel like there's no coming back from that, my little girls then have parents that hate eachother forever. He would also be forcibly removed from the home and I don't want them to see that Sad

I can increase my income when he leaves as I can pick up longer days if he is going to help with school runs etc but he won't discuss that with me at the moment. I also plan on setting up a little side business doing beauty once I'm back on my feet but again this won't be straight away and I worry how I'll cope for the time being. It's all just such a crappy situation xx

OP posts:
TeeBee · 28/01/2025 13:38

In your own words 'he's vile to me most days and the situation is toxic for our two DDs (3 & 4)'. It all sounds very hard; I'd say choose your hard. Do you think he's going to hate you less or become less toxic because you don't remove him from the house? Sounds like he treats you appallingly already. They are babies; they won't remember much. Honestly, I'd get him out sharpish. Keeping the house sounds the easiest route to stability for you and the girls.

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