Writing a will - ex-stepson question

[puzzleofapuzzle]

I'm 37 and writing my first will. Nothing's on the horizon, but I want to have something in place on a 'just in case' basis.

I'm single, have no children, and don't intend to have any biological kids. At some point, I would love to find myself in a long-term committed relationship, and I know that that person might have children and the situation may change.

But for now, as things are, the only person I'd want to leave my 'estate' to would be my ex-stepson, who I'll call 'P' (I know ex-stepson is also a weird term, but it's the closest there is for what we now are to one another).

His father and I were together for 8 years, we're still on good terms, and I know it would make a big difference to his life. 'P' is currently 18 years old.

If I were to write him into my will now, I'd want his dad to know – simply for logistical reasons and because they live in another country (they're Spanish, and we lived together over there. When we split I returned to the UK).

But I'm also aware that I'm still young and things might change in the future, where I form a family with someone else. I'd still want P to receive something from me in that case, and the proportions might change.

I'd hate for his dad to be expecting one thing for him and then learn that it's a lesser amount.

Maybe I'm overthinking this, but my brain goes a bit cloudy considering these kinds of things, and I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives.

Maybe his dad doesn't need to know at all? Maybe I shouldn't base my will on something that could be changeable? How would you approach this?

He's 18. His df need not know.

Sounds like a lucky lad!!
Or are you subconsciously looking for an excuse to message your ex?

I’d articulate it exactly as you say here… that based on your current circumstances you’d like your modest wealth to be passed to P. However you don’t know what the future holds and so this might change over time between now and when you die, but as you write your will today they are your intentions (and if you feel comfortable you can say you will let him know of changes in future).

But you don’t need to tell him. My nieces and goddaughters benefit from my will, and are all under 18 but their parents have no idea as it’s unlikely I’ll die before they are 18.

If you’re worried about your will not being found / followed on your death the you can register it with the National Will Register which should mean it’s identified on your death.

I would speak to P yourself directly as he is 18. In your position I'd perhaps mention planning on leaving him a small amount in the will, to set expectations in case your circumstances change.

There's no need to tell his Dad anything. Write your ex-step-son into your Will and leave it at that. If at a later date proportions need to change, then you can alter the Will as necessary. There's no need for your ex-step-son or his Dad to know anything at all.

I wouldn’t tell him. Things can change. No one has the right, or even need, to know what’s in your will until you are dead.

Where is your will going to be? If with a firm of solicitors, then, as long as they have his contact details, they can track him down at the relevant point in time and let him know then how much he will receive. As well as a physical address, social media handles can help with this process. If it is going to be other friends or relatives, then, provided they know there is a will and you can trust them, I would recommend the same. I wouldn't tell P or his father as I think it risks changing the relationship as there is always the question of whether they are only doing something for the money.
One of my friends inherited recently from her former step father and she was really touched. In her case, it wasn't a hugely significant amount (he had children of his own and had only been in a relationship with her mother for a few years) but it was lasting confirmation of the significance of their relationship.

Why do they need to know? My dc are named in my parents will (instead of me). They are unaware because I don't want them to base life decisions on something that may never happen. The money may be needed for my parents to live off, for care fees, parents may decide to pass to someone else.
I'd not tell them but make sure the will has with it the correct contact details etc for if/when needed.

@Tinselinthewhoopsiebasket ha! I hear you – but his dad and I are in regular contact anyway; we're good friends. No excuse needed for a message 😊

This is reassuring that I don't need to let anyone know; I guess I was concerned that it might be hard to make a transfer / contact happen if we're in different countries – but I suppose I'm hardly the first person to leave something in a will to someone overseas!

@toomuchcheesetoomuchchocolate yes, it'll be with solicitors. Social media handles is a smart thought – thanks for that!

@hamsandyams I didn't know about the register - that's really helpful. Thank you!

Just say you have gifted him something in your will, don't need to specify what ... you are then not going to have issues later if you want to change your will

His parent doesn’t need to know
P doesn’t need to know.

Your will is ‘for now’ until any such time as your circumstances or intentions change.

And unless you have reason to think otherwise the chances of you dying in the next 10 years are presumably quite small.

Smaller than the chances of you meeting a new live in partner or whatever.

Whereas changing the Will to remove P for any reason would certainly cause upset.

Your Will is your business and yours alone. I would not tell your ex or P.

There is no ‘logistical’ reason for this.

No one can bank on receiving an inheritance. You might need the lot in care fees, to cover unforeseen difficulties (early disability for e.g)

This

Lovely you want step son to have your home

And great thinking about a will

But

Things may change

You are 37. Young

You may meet a man and have a family.

Then assume will go to your own child

So make one. Have step son and if things change in the future then change/tweak it

If you are still in contact with P when you die, it will be easy for any executor to track him down. I wouldn't say anything mow, as so much can change, especially as you would like a relative down the line. You might want to leave something/everything to that person. Or you might still want everything to go to P, in which case having a clear and up to date will is a good thing.