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Original poster

Financial abuse?

49 replies

Redlightgreenlights · 07/01/2025 09:50

Hi,

my DH has a credit card that he uses that is in my name. I’m aware of this and he pays the bill directly from his account each month- all paid up to date etc.

He be discovered that there’s quite a high balance on the card now of around 5k. Again, he’s not missing payments etc, however this is a card that is in my name. I can see that it’s just been used for everyday stuff and nothing dodgy!

would this be an example of financial abuse?

OP posts:
Redruby2020 · 07/01/2025 12:52

Only thing that stood out was why is it in your name 🤷🏻‍♀️

Completelyjo · 07/01/2025 12:55

Well you know he uses the card, you don’t seem to say you don’t agree with it so I don’t get what would be financial abuse.
Why doesn’t he use a card in his own name?
Why don’t you regularly check the statements of a card in your name?

RandomMess · 07/01/2025 12:59

You need to talk to him about how you as a couple are going to pay off the debt. You could get the credit limit reduced to what is owed so it can't be increased.

It sounds like you are not in the loop about finances on your household.

If he is deliberately increasing debt in your name whilst he has none and meanwhile has savings in his sole name then it does start to look deliberate and abusive as a way of preventing you from leaving.

ThatsWhatImTalkinAbout · 07/01/2025 13:02

Redlightgreenlights · 07/01/2025 11:29

In the sense that he should have spoken to me

Show quote history

So he is using your credit card without your knowledge?
I would cut up the card and work on paying off the debt. If OH wants a credit card let him take one out in his name.

Wolfpa · 07/01/2025 13:05

Why is he using yours and not his own?

Mischance · 07/01/2025 13:09

Well - this does not need a label. Either you are happy with it or not - you just need to discuss it with him and come to some sort of agreement.

Original poster
Redlightgreenlights · 07/01/2025 13:12

he doesn’t understand my issue as in his eyes, he uses the card but makes all of the payments. He’s also called me a hypocrite as his debit card is linked to my Amazon account and I’ll sometimes use it

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 07/01/2025 13:18

Redlightgreenlights · 07/01/2025 13:12

he doesn’t understand my issue as in his eyes, he uses the card but makes all of the payments. He’s also called me a hypocrite as his debit card is linked to my Amazon account and I’ll sometimes use it

I don't understand your issue either. If you're happy to share cards (which I would strongly suggest you don't anyway as it could put your account at risk) then you are either happy or you need to state clear parameters (e.g. you can only spend on x,y,z).

If you're not happy to share cards, then stop!

AlohaRose · 07/01/2025 13:21

You need to stop trying to make a case for financial abuse and worrying about who is spending what on which card, sit down and have a decent discussion together about how you have ended up 7K in debt (because that is what the credit card balance is) and how you are going to pay it off. Either you are spending money on non-essential stuff which needs to be cut out or you genuinely are not earning enough to cover your day-to-day spending. Either way, it is unfair that you don't know what he is using your card for whilst allowing yourself to have built up 5K of debt on the card in the first place. Also, you have mentioned several times that he is making the payments as if you believe that this is somehow covering the debt but the fact that it has increased £ 2K means that he is only making the minimum payment each month and the balance isn't reducing at all. If this credit card is genuinely being used to cover day-to-day expenses then presumably you're going to hit the limit quite soon and then you'll be in real trouble because your income won't be covering your outgoings and you have no fallback. How did you build up 5K debt in the first place when the guard was in your name?

MissMoneyFairy · 07/01/2025 13:24

Him using your card will invalidate any claim you may need to make if you're ever scammed, why don't you just add his name as a second card holder or he can get his own card.

Billydavey · 07/01/2025 13:31

Redlightgreenlights · 07/01/2025 13:12

he doesn’t understand my issue as in his eyes, he uses the card but makes all of the payments. He’s also called me a hypocrite as his debit card is linked to my Amazon account and I’ll sometimes use it

Hang on
you ran up 5k of debt. He added 2k. He now makes all the payments? Do you contribute towards paying off your debt?

Completelyjo · 07/01/2025 13:42

Are you sure some of the increase hasn’t come from your 5k initial debt? If this has just kept rolling on it will have a large amount of interest.
Are you not paying any of this off?
Is he supposed to be paying off the full amount of your debt?

coralsky · 07/01/2025 13:43

No it's not financial abuse unless you tell him to stop, or he's coerced you into it in the first place

comedia24 · 07/01/2025 13:54

It's clear poor communication though - roll the £7k debt onto a 0 percent new card, and both pay off your share of the debt.

WhistPie · 07/01/2025 14:05

You both seem to not be in full control of your finances and more than a little naive about money!

mrsm43s · 07/01/2025 14:59

No, not financial abuse. Financial stupidity.

You gave him permission to use your card (stupid and leaves you vulnerable to non payment of any fraud claims as it's against the T&C unless you've added him as an additional cardholder).

You put the bulk of the debt on the card and aren't paying it back at all (unreasonable on your part and financially stupid)

He's paying off less than he's spending (financially stupid)

You aren't checking your account balance/statements for the card in your name (utterly irresponsible and stupid on every level).

So both of your are behaving irresponsibly, but neither of your are committing financial abuse.

BeachRide · 07/01/2025 15:01

So he's been.paying the interest on your £5K? Yes, that financial abuse. By you.

mrsm43s · 07/01/2025 15:18

Actually have you checked what he's spent versus what he's paid off? It might be that he pays back exactly what he spends each month, but it's the extra interest on your £5k debt that's racking up. Surely you weren't expecting him to pay that off for you?

If he does pay back exactly what he has spent, you do realise your £5k debt is still there, and also will grow due to interest added? If you have £5k debt having interest charged and you aren't paying any of it off, you must have expected the £5k debt to have got bigger? It seems odd that you're surprised that it has or think it's your DH's fault that you're not paying your debt back or any of the interest on it.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/01/2025 15:22

You are both living beyond your means. Sit down, set a budget, including paying off this debt as soon as possible and stick to it. No more takeaways, holidays, pub, clothes etc until you've paid it off abd have savings.

StMarie4me · 07/01/2025 15:24

Is he a named second signatory? If not, you will be in trouble for fraud. You've allowed this. In your name.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/01/2025 15:27

Billydavey · 07/01/2025 13:31

Hang on
you ran up 5k of debt. He added 2k. He now makes all the payments? Do you contribute towards paying off your debt?

Edited
Show quote history

Nobody is paying off the debt ... its increasing. The monthly interest will be ridiculously high.

SnoopysHoose · 07/01/2025 15:39

@Redlightgreenlights
Have you paid anything towards the £5000 you put on the card? sounds like you haven't

AgreeableDragon · 07/01/2025 21:09

Redlightgreenlights · 07/01/2025 12:34

He just deals with it all. He doesn’t control all of the money - my wages etc just go into my account but he deals with the card

Show quote history

It’s your card and you are responsible for the debt. If the account gets into arrears it’s your credit score on the line. You need to take back control of this card OP.

oh, and it’s not financial abuse!!!!

Billydavey · 08/01/2025 08:31

Op doesn’t seem keen to respond to questions about whether they’re paying off their debt

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