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Original poster

Inheritance & Paying for Care

37 replies

Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 09:25

DH's Nan is now on palliative care and isn't expected to live much longer (we suspect she's hanging on for Christmas)

DH's father (the nans only child) has just come home after a hospital stay and they need to arrange for a carer to come in at least once a day as DMiL cant get him out of bed etc. FiL has Parkinson's but could well live for a few years yet.

In laws own a property but their savings are below the threshold to pay for care.

DH's Nan owns a property and has some savings, her will at the moment is roughly:
GGrandchildren (3) - 10%
Grandchildren (2) - 20%
Child (DH's father) - 70%

Once DFiL receives the inheritance this will take them over the threshold and they will need to pay for his care and its likely the whole inheritance will be used until they are back under the threshold again. DH's Nan (she is completely in sound mind) has suggested changing her will so a large portion goes to the Grandchildren as FiL has always said that they intended to gift most of it to them anyway.

Is it really that simple? Surely its a common situation and everyone would just be disinheriting anyone who would need to pay for their care? I've tried to suggest getting some legal advice but everyone seems to think its just a matter of getting the solicitor out and changing the will?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 17:19

user87349287657 · 23/12/2024 16:34

It makes total sense financially to skip a generation and leave to grandchildren/great grandchildren if their dad isn't expected to live many more years. It wouldn’t be deprivation of asset's as nothing would be inherited by her son.
The grandchildren could pay for any/some of the care or equipment that their father may benefit from in due course, if they wish.
It’s not morally wrong to do your best to keep your assets within your family, its what we work hard for, to see the next generation benefit, not the government coffers!

Thank you the Nan is very upset at the thought of her money (which she kept carefully knowing she might need to pay for her own care) would be "wasted" and not enjoyed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 17:21

Miley1967 · 23/12/2024 16:47

One visit a day is likely already covered by the disability benefits he is likely getting surely without needing to eat into any future inheritance ? Also if a largish amount of money was received it could be invested to provide some interest also. I would also think about impact that passing inheritance on to grandkids could have on them. You don't say how old they are but if they have young families and are claiming UC even for help towards childcare costs etc it could impact their benefits significantly. Just something to bear in mind.

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They would never agree to claim disability benefits as they could manage with their pensions and savings, I've tried to explain there are other benefits but they are proud people.

When I've previously suggested MiL claiming carers allowance she refused as she was still able to work part time and saw it as part of being married.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 17:32

Miley1967 · 23/12/2024 16:47

One visit a day is likely already covered by the disability benefits he is likely getting surely without needing to eat into any future inheritance ? Also if a largish amount of money was received it could be invested to provide some interest also. I would also think about impact that passing inheritance on to grandkids could have on them. You don't say how old they are but if they have young families and are claiming UC even for help towards childcare costs etc it could impact their benefits significantly. Just something to bear in mind.

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Thank you, greatgrandchildren are all old enough to not need paid childcare and neither grandchildren are claiming any benefits. 2 GGC are late teens/adults, but the will has been written that their inheritance is kept in a trust until they are 25 (very sensible in my view)

DGM is 102, Fil is 83

OP posts:
Original poster
Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 17:38

slightlydistrac · 23/12/2024 16:30

If she's in England she should be entitled to up to 6 weeks of free care at home on discharge from hospital anyway. That's what late MIL had. You really have to fight SS for it though.

Thank you; my Mum actually worked for the team who covered this before she retired so she is helping MiL with this and getting the initial assessment period covered, thankfully after the last hospital stay MiL is more comfortable in asking for help but I agree you really have to fight which is unfair for people who are really struggling to cope.

OP posts:
1975wasthebest · 23/12/2024 17:50

If I was in your husband’s DGMs shoes I’d want my son to have the best care possible.

I agree. Why not have the best care possible for your child if you can afford it?

Also, what is morally right and wrong for one person, may not be the same for another. There’s no rule. I agree with @Autumnblackberries that this situation is morally wrong.

mitogoshigg · 23/12/2024 17:54

If she has capacity she can make the change, it must be correctly worded and witnessed to be valid.

Original poster
Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 19:00

1975wasthebest · 23/12/2024 17:50

If I was in your husband’s DGMs shoes I’d want my son to have the best care possible.

I agree. Why not have the best care possible for your child if you can afford it?

Also, what is morally right and wrong for one person, may not be the same for another. There’s no rule. I agree with @Autumnblackberries that this situation is morally wrong.

Of course DGM wants the best care for her son who has been cared for by her DIL for the past 20 years (there were previous health issues)

They haven't claimed any disability or carers allowance during that time as they felt it was greedy if they can cope with what they already have (savings & private pensions) - in hindsight this was silly but tbh I respect them.

If DGC inherit most of DGM estate and DF needs care paid for of course they will allocate money for that, DC already provide support to their parents and will continue to do so for as long as is needed.

"Depriving" the state of 200k worth of paid care when it could pay for GGC to put a deposit on a house or put them through Uni isn't something that is going to keep me up at night if I'm being honest

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 23/12/2024 19:26

The problem with this is he will have the cheapest care, which to be frank, is not great. If it were my father, I would be happy to put the money inherited to one side for contributing to better care if needed.

Miley1967 · 23/12/2024 20:25

Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 17:21

They would never agree to claim disability benefits as they could manage with their pensions and savings, I've tried to explain there are other benefits but they are proud people.

When I've previously suggested MiL claiming carers allowance she refused as she was still able to work part time and saw it as part of being married.

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That's a shame as top rate of Attendance allowance would be £108 a week.

AirborneElephant · 23/12/2024 20:38

Tryingtomakeitthroughtheweek · 23/12/2024 09:46

Thank you, so in theory if he doesn't receive the inheritance in the first place he's not depriving himself of it but if he received then tries to give it away he is?

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Yes, exactly that. If she is in sound mind, she is perfectly entitled to change her will.

Lifestooshort71 · 26/12/2024 14:47

Thank you the Nan is very upset at the thought of her money (which she kept carefully knowing she might need to pay for her own care) would be "wasted" and not enjoyed.
I was sort of with you until this. So, using her money to pay for her own care would have been ok but a waste if it was used to make her son's last days more comfortable? 🤔 I also think that expecting youngsters to cough up for some extra creature comforts for an elderly relative from an unexpected cash windfall could be an optimistic hope - if it's tied up in a trust or invested in a property....?

Tubetrain · 26/12/2024 16:09

Lifestooshort71 · 26/12/2024 14:47

Thank you the Nan is very upset at the thought of her money (which she kept carefully knowing she might need to pay for her own care) would be "wasted" and not enjoyed.
I was sort of with you until this. So, using her money to pay for her own care would have been ok but a waste if it was used to make her son's last days more comfortable? 🤔 I also think that expecting youngsters to cough up for some extra creature comforts for an elderly relative from an unexpected cash windfall could be an optimistic hope - if it's tied up in a trust or invested in a property....?

But the homes that a council will find are often awful. Well worth having the choice.

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