Disposable income - helping my partner with finances.

[Bellfox95]

I’m wondering how much disposable income most people have?

I’m trying to work out finances with my partner and the ways that work best for both of us (my partner had adhd and is quite bad with money).

I’m trying to work out the best way to support my partner.

so my partners earns about £1600 ( soon to drop to about £1400) a month, their outgoings are £829.00.
I earn £1800 a month, my outgoings are £639.00
(this isn’t including food or petrol).

so between us we should have about £1931 to cover food, petrol and any other expenses.

We talked about maybe my partner paying his income into my account and me giving them set amounts weekly to try help them budget, but we’ve also mentioned we aren’t sure how they will contribute to certain things like food shopping ect if I do it this way, obviously shipping costs fluctuate which makes it awkward to just “take a set amount” and I don’t want my partner to feel like I’m mugging them off financially, say if I took £200 directly from them to contribute towards food, that would only leave them with £571 (£142.75 a week) ( or £371 when their income drops leaving them with £92.75 a week) and if I also put in £200 ( so we have £400 set aside just for food) I’d still have £961 (£240.00 a week) which feels unfair? I know I do earn a little more, but I don’t want my partner to feel like they have substantially less than I do.

The car is mine and I don’t expect my partner to pay towards petrol or anything like that, I’m fine eating that cost.

my partner and me also currently go half on everything apart from the car insurance and our individual phone contracts (I pay car as it’s mine, and he pays for his phone, I pay for mine), he has have other expenses (CMS and a loan- why his outgoings are higher than mine)

should I be contributing more so my partner has more disposable income and it’s a bit more fair?

Why on earth would you throw your lot in with someone like this?

it honestly reads like someone who needs a mum to dole out their pocket money.

extremely offputting.

can you imagine what the cognitive load will be like if you ever have children with this "partner"? he earns less than NMW, expects you to manage his money like pocket money for him, because he can't budget or control himself, and is "insistent" that he pays half of a mortgage of fuck all (£200 a month for his share?) which can lead to a claim on your house for himself in future.

There are red flags all over this tbh.

if you don't know what on earth he's spending all his cash on now - when do you think you'll have a better idea? never. and what incentive is there for him to change and become an adult? never.

id be very wary of getting financially intertwined with somebody like this. do you have plans to marry? i'm sure he isn't a bad person, but his inability to be financially responsible is definitely going to bite you in the end, regardless of what systems you try to work out.

as of now, being only a partner, i would let him get on with it. pay rent and bills proportionate to how much you earn i.e. 1600/1800. i'm assuming you're living with him. then let him spend his money how he likes, and keep your own money, and use it however you see fit.

We use a bank account in my name , pay in same amount to cover all bills and money for food but not our car expenses fuel or phones. I save a chunk of mine to ISA / premium bonds which leaves me with the same disposable income as he has as I earn significantly more.

For crying out loud, he’s a grown man who should be managing his money - why are you
mummying him?

I think it would be wise if you continue paying the mortgage by yourself, at least until you marry, if you do. Him insisting on paying half of the mortgage repayments suggests to me he may be more savvy with money than he lets on.

So you put him on your house deeds and mortgage even though you are not married? Or did he just pay towards it (even that is risky). Was that wise? Did you have advice from a solicitor? Have you got a written signed cohabitation agreement? May be get one. May be get a document drawn up about the percentages you each hold in the property and ask a solicitor how to deal with all that.

You should not have him on the deeds or share a mortgage with him. So put that right. You should not let him psy the mortgage either. What he could do is the “rent a room” scheme. You draw up a rental contract and he pays you tax free money. There’s an upper limit but you won’t reach it. If everything is yours and he’s not on rhe deeds or paying the mortgage, he cannot claim your flat is his. Let him pay rent and draw up an agreement.

Crazy to allow him to pay towards your home.. this is your long term security..
Refer him to citizens advice for budgeting advice.
Being his Mum is a big turn off!!