Cut out of will

[Dreamsaregood]

I did post but not sure where it's gone.

My mum has a family member who has recently made a will, in this will the inheritance will eventually pass to my mum and sibling (boy). None will pass to me.

I feel my mum has done this deliberately as the family member would have consulted with her on what to write (I am from an Asian culture) and she says I will inherit from her in due course (I am not sure this will be the case as we have a difficult relationship). I do not want this to affect my relationship with her or my DC (I have done a lot of work to not get triggered by the things she says) but I have been left with a horrible feeling on being unworthy like I did when I was a child, it's really painful and want to move past this.

I have a lovely home, married with DC and we are comfortable but have a large mortgage and outgoings so it's not like I didn't need the money. I feel she did this to control me and keep me "in line". She has no will in place but I am almost sure she will do the same and leave me out. But I do not want my DC not to have a relationship with her because of this.

How has your mum influenced the will of someone else, is it a grandparent

It would be helpful to be less vague. Whose sibling is the boy? What relation are they to the will writer?

So your mum and your sibling got the inheritance and your mum told the deceased to take you out of the will so you wouldn't get any inheritance? That is awful.

It sounds like this is one of many problems and you deserve better than to feel unworthy x

The family member is an auntie and uncle of my mum. Sorry if that was vague .

The point I am making I guess is the culture dictates that sons inherit money. The daughters are left out as they marry and join a "new family"

However I think most people see the inherent unfairness in this including my mum and that we do not live in an era where women are kept, all her children have responsibilities and therefore all could have done with the money.

She influenced them because they rely on her for help and the will was only completed last week (with her approval) And I know she didn't want me on the will for the above reasons and the fact we do not get along because of her decades long favouritism for my brothers.

Really I am asking for help on how to overcome the hurt of finding this out. I do not want to cut her out, as that will upset me and DC more than her, and I do not want this to cause a fall out.

Yes that's right. It felt like a punch in the gut. Had it all my life!

And what's worse is I am left with embarrassment and thinking it's my fault for not being good enough.

This is so complicated, I completely understand your feelings of embarassment, even though you've done nothing wrong.

I assume your mum wouldn't be open to counselling or therapy either alone or with you? Would you be open to speaking to someone professional about this?

If you can't face bringing it up or going no contact with your mum, maybe the best thing for all involved is to drop the subject. If she wants a reaction from you, don't give her it. Have a look at this article- https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

Thank you for responding.

I will read the article, I have heard of grey rocking and try my best with it but she knows how to push my buttons. I feel sad that my DC may struggle in life just like I did with no help from my parents but I know I have and will continue to do so much more than I ever had from my own parents. It's been a long hard slog and I suffer with anxiety but on the face of it I have made it out of poverty but I am crippled with horrible anxiety because of my difficult upbringing.

There is no way she would ever agree to counselling or admit any responsibility for any wrongdoing. I will consider it for myself to help me cope, it feels engulfing and the rejection i feel is overwhelming, this was a close family member and to be treated like this stings.

I don't know what to do for the best. I will try my best to ignore the topic when it comes up.

@Dreamsaregood I'm so sorry you were cut out of the inheritance. Rest assured people who steal others inheritance don't have any blessings with that money.

I wouldn't interact with her as much but I would give her digs in the way that...so and so's family give so much inheritance to the daughter 😂 they have such kind hearts etc