Financial dysmorphia

[Flumoxed]

In the last couple of days I have seen a post on here from someone asking how can anyone live on £20+/hr, another from someone with £80k equity in a house with £240k mortgage worrying because inheritance from their parents £900k house would be wiped out after paying inheritance tax and splitting it with a sibling, and another from a SAHM who owned 4 properties with their partner, lived with her parents and was "struggling to get by".

I hadn't heard this term (financial dysmorphia) before about a week or so ago, but now seeing examples of it all the time. Is financial dysmorphia sweeping the nation or are people who literally have thousands of pounds in assets genuinely living in poverty? I appreciate the cost of living has meant that people are having to tighten their belts, but has the definition of poverty spread to engulf everyone or are some peoples views on money completely out of synch with reality?

Link to a post about money dysphoria:
https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/money-dysmorphia/ and definition: "Money dysmorphia is the distance between a person’s perceived financial status and their actual financial reality. It can manifest both ways: It can be the person who has lots of money saved but doesn’t believe it’s enough and can’t use it meaningfully, or it can be the person who overspends but doesn’t believe the reality of their financial distress.”

Do you have it? Do you see it?

YABU - people with thousands in assets are very poor

YANBU - the nation is suffering from mass financial dysmorphia

I think it's in very poor taste to call it "dysmorphia" when eating disorders due to real dysmorphia kill so many people (mainly female) each year and the level of help is appalling. Sounds like something originating from an "influencer" trying to get traction.

I think people are often anxious about their finances, as even if they have some assets, they may be cash poor due to high cost of living day-to-day.

And in recent years we have seen a lot of inflation in expenses (mortgage, childcare, energy, food) - while salaries haven’t increased much.

This means everyone, at all income levels, is probably feeling their money doesn’t go as far as before.

Even on quite good incomes, people often don’t have a lot of disposable income once their direct debits have gone out each month.

I agree the four houses but no money thing is silly though - that’s a case of someone overstretching themselves. I suspect a lot of people with ‘buy to let portfolios’ are suddenly struggling to make the maths work, now interest rates have increased.

I think a big part of it is how much building works and repairs cost now. If you own property and have to look after it you will spend far more than you earn hourly on builders these days, with few exceptions. If you haven't got a chunk of savings handy you need to acquire more debt which can mean not having kids, for example, for a lot of people.

It makes sense to rent for life these days IMO.

I probably have this, and have also wondered about others.

I think it's probably down to a combination of the person's understanding of personal finance and their mindset.

Discussions about money can be really helpful - I really don't like it when people are mocked / silenced on MN because 'they're earning loads and should be fine'. MN Is for everyone, and people with a range of salaries could be struggling.

I stress about this often.

I earn very well - better than I ever have, or anyone in my family ever has. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it - definitely not MN where you're not allowed to have financial worries unless you're on NMW.

I have a mortgage based on my salary, and on paper everything is fine but if something happened to my job and I couldn't find another I'd be screwed - obviously this could happen to anyone, and I have savings/emergency fund etc - but I can't shake the feeling something bad will happen. The fact I can't really talk to anyone about it just makes it more scary 😅

Well yes I would agree there is some blindness there as to what poverty actually is isn’t there…

perhaps if you’re used to a certain lifestyle then any minor struggle financially might feel bigger than it actually is? Tarquin and Penelope can no longer do private tennis coaching? BOOHOO!

The only new thing seems to be some content-creator's coinage of the term financial dysmorphia.
Obviously people's perceptions of what is and what isn't a maneagable amount of money to live on is shaped by the level of living they are used to, the financial commitments they have accrued, their baseline levels of psychological characteristics such as anxiety, hedonism, whatever.
Obviously, therefore, different people will 'see' the same financial profile as having a different shape - fat or thin. None of this is new or surprising.

The biggest way people con themselves is usually excessive spending, saying the item cost very little or not knowing what is in their bank account. I think that is by far a bigger problem than people who are overly worried despite having masses of money.

You will always get the very rich scrooge who never wants to spend a penny I suppose and also people who spend every last penny.

But someone losing their job that means Tarquin and Penelope have to leave their private school where all their friends are and having to go to a state school where they will be bullied for being the "posh kids" is a genuine big deal though, for the kids and the parents.

I can’t find my violin it’s so small.

Besides I was responding to the OP where it highlights people who clearly are NOT financially hard up.

Equally if Sharon and Dave only wash once a week, like eating spam fitters daily and never bother with the Dr we shouldn't all be expected to live to their reality.

As pp said we all have a different view on what is necessary based on our personal hierachy of needs.

If it was a house you know you can stay in for life, I might agree with you, but in the private rental market I would not willingly choose to rent for life. I rented for 15 years and had to move 9 times due to landlords selling up or increasing rent beyond what was payable. The stress of looking for a new home (with so much competition for the same house), the agency fees, waiting 8 weeks for a boiler issue to be resolved and having no heating for weeks in the winter (twice) and the feeling that the rug can be pulled out from under you any time is awful. I have a mortgage on a place now and my repayment is almost half the amount my friend pays to rent her (privately rented) house. At some point my mortgage will be paid off. Renters have to pay rent for life. I appreciate that not everyone will be in a position to buy, but don't think anyone would choose that option if they had the option of buying their own place.

Which side are you on? Spending above your means or feeling broke with a high income/safety net?

I get the stability aspect but when things need repairing and workmen cost over £150ph, you have to pay £500 for white goods now every 5yrs, costs for boiler/solar/roof repairs etc - yes you have control but if you can't afford to pay for repairs you still live a fairly miserable life if no one can afford a new boiler.

WTF are you going on about??

Are saying that your hierarchy of need is being wealthy?

It isn't dysmorphia imo. We don't have to pathologise everything.

In some cases, I think it's simply a case of people being blissfully unaware of their own financial privilege.

In other cases, it's simply a case of greed.

Sometimes a combination of the two.

No - if you actually look at Maslow's hierachy of needs you can see everyone has their own social and cultural norms that make them feel happy/safe/aspirational etc. Not everyone is raised the same or has the same perspectives on what is normal. Just as much as people who live in a new build may not need the heating on as much as their neighbour in a less insulated house built in the 60's and can't understand why they moan about energy costs. Many things inform what is normal to ourselves and we are not all the same.

I can imagine it would be quite stressful if you are the first in your family to earn a high wage. If you are maxed out and something goes wrong then you haven't got the same safety net that people with wealthy parents would have.

Have you got mortgage insurance/life insurance policies?

Renting a small 3 bed costs around £500 more a month than a mortgage on a 4 bed locally to us, unless it's through a housing association there is no financial benefit to renting. And that's without the added costs of moving if the owner decides to sell or passes away.
And council housing isn't easy to get in most places and has the added issue of lack of choice around area and poor quality repairs and response to issues.

I think this kind of thing is getting worse. SomebOdy I know household income around, £125k. Can't afford this that and the other. I just don't get it. Not in London.

Get decent advice on life cover / critical illness cover / family income benefit.

I do get this but at the same time wonder if the roof went and you were given a 60k+ bill, would you be able to fix it? Yet the owner is expected to be able to immediately to keep the tenants safe. If that is your own house you have no one else to blame if you can't get another loan and are up to your eyeballs in debt because you needed to do other works to make the house safe. It's perspective.

I don’t think it’s ok to start a thread about a thread. And the person with the £240k mortgage was worried about how old they’d be paying it off. That’s not nothing. People are allowed to worry about their financial commitments. There were a lot of nasty responses to a quite understandable worry.

I panic over money, which is a recent thing. We have 2 wages coming in but it doesn't stretch like it used to. I appreciate that others will look at us and think we are worrying over nothing, but I can't help wondering why it's so hard to stretch the wages every month.