Homeless and not sure what to do

[TheFastMentor]

I'm homeless, 42, and not sure what to do. I have been doing a lot of house-sitting and dog-walking. Prior to the pandemic I had a skilled professional job, I worked at a talent agency. My most recent work was in a store, working overnights, paired with dog-walking during the days.

That left me exhausted and I ended up losing the overnight job for poor attendance. I asked for help at my church (I used to be Mormon) but they did very strange things like introducing me to other homeless people. No one would just network with me normally. One woman there made fun of me because I attended a "good" university. She was like "I thought they were smart there" kind of thing.

I'm not sure what to do. This has been going on for over a year. I am miserable. I have a history of bad family and bad relationships. I have been attending Al-Anon meetings. I've tried staying as fit as possible by jogging and using weights when the people I house-sit for have them.

I am massively stressed and just feel like I will never have a life again. Everything I've done to try and make new friends since leaving the church has backfired. I feel totally isolated and very, very stupid.

Have you contacted Shelter? They should be able to give you advice on housing.

Have you tried meetup.com for local groups?

Regarding financial assistance you can try Turn2us.

What an awful situation for you

Are you claiming universal credit or any other benefits you may be entitled to? As a single person it might not be much, but would pay towards rent if you were able to get a tenancy.

You should also ask to be added to your councils housing list (if you haven't already), the lists can be long, especially if your in a lower priority band, but it's worth a shot. Many councils also have schemes where they can loan you a deposit or act as guarantor to help you get a private rental (which you can then claim uc towards). Might be worth asking citizens advice if they can signpost you to any housing services in your area.

I've tried Meetup. I did a free improv class, which attracted a lot of lone wolf types. For our end of class show everyone insisted they didn't have jeans and a white tee to wear. A lot of difficult personalities. I also tried a dungeons and dragons group, which was also free but mostly people who seemed to have social deficits. I went to a dance class a couple times, but that wasn't free, and I wasn't really able to meet friends, it was more like men hitting on me.

I feel like I don't want to take resources from places like Shelter. I am working, sometimes house-sitting for over a month at a time, I feel like I should be able to find a share or rent a room or similar. I don't know where everything went wrong.

I don't understand why it's been so difficult to make friends, though. I'm fairly outgoing, polite, I don't understand how my life got so derailed. My old industry is in a consolidation phase but I didn't realize it would be this difficult to make a lateral move to a related field like PR or recruitment. I feel like I will never have a life again.

I don't know how to reach out to some of my former colleagues without alarming them or even if that's worth doing at this point.

You could try Spare room for a shared house or flat.

New friends can wait - getting a roof over your head should be your priority.

The point of Shelter’s existence is to help people like you so please contact them.

I think you will struggle finding a landlord who’ll take you on in a houseshare because you don’t have a conventional job. So consider paying x amount of rent months in advance and have your work reference ready to show them.

Do you have any family who can support you?

Experiential type courses, similar to what you’ve done but over a long period of time, are good for making friends but maybe that can wait a bit.

I think you need to prioritize getting somewhere to live and a stable job rather than making new friends at the moment. What is the barrier to you getting a room in a house share? Have you been looking for jobs you may be able to do? Please call shelter they can help you.

My goal was kind of to just try and find a share organically by making friends.

My family is really not great, when I was a kid my parents weren't working and I was paying for a lot of things for them. My mom actually did harass me into homelessness at one point as a kid. I did overnight in a shelter, but a weird guy was bothering me and someone peed on my bag. After that I just slept rough for a while.

I haven't been handling this very well, I've felt shocked that even after building a career, joining a church etc I'm in this situation. I guess I do need to call Shelter I've just been trying not to be in "the system" because the contact I had with it was so bad back in the day.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I posted on social about being available for coaching sessions (sometimes old clients refer a friend) and I'm coming up with an message to send to some industry contacts (not saying I'm homeless more like I'm looking for a project to sink my teeth into.) I feel weird, I feel like I don't want to take resources from someone who needs them more, but I really do need to get over that I guess.

Where are living now?

Get involved in a more main stream local church for support, if the Mormons have let you down. They may be able to help with accommodation too. Or is that too far away from your beliefs?

Any jobs with local theatre groups? Have you tried advertising on the theatrical press?

Get another store job to give you a regular income and try to work up from there. Do you still have bank accounts that will make it easier to get a regular job.

Have you tried the Salvation Army? - They can be very helpful, regardless of faith.

www.salvationarmy.org.uk/budget-and-debt-advice/emergency-assistance

You need to stop messing about trying to find a houseshare "organically" and just find one online. It sounds like you are the person keeping you homeless. Find a houseshare and apply for universal credit if you are earning under the claim threshold. Once you have a proper roof over your head, start applying for jobs - any you can feasible do.

Ring Shelter.

Look at jobs with accommodation provided.

What do you do between housesitting jobs? Are you housesitting now, or housed in general?

Are you based in the UK, OP? As some of your language indicates you're living in the US/Canada?

I cannot advise much if the latter is true, but if you're residing in the UK, another alternative would be to speak to the Citizens Advice Bureau, as they can assist you in applying for benefits you may be entitled to, as well as offering other financial and housing advice.

Are you on LinkedIn? A very natural thing to do would be to:

• mark your profile as available for work (a setting for recruiters alone to see) Let recruiters know you’re Open to Work | LinkedIn Help
• consider if you'd like to add an 'open to work' image to your profile picture
• privately message some of your old contacts and say something like....

Hello X

We haven't been in touch for ages. I hope all's well with you.

I'm job hunting current and am, of course, reaching out to well-connected and influential people in my network to see if they know of any XXX [brief description of the type of jobs you'd like to do] roles or if there are any intros they could make on my behalf. All help and ideas gratefully received. And catch ups over coffee are lovely too!

This is the perfect opportunity to connect with old contacts on the platforms to get the word out.

You sound very low. I'm sorry to hear it. But I hope some of these practical steps are helpful.

The system is there for people like yourself. A main priority is a roof over your head- there is only so long that you can house sit.

In answer to some questions: I'm staying at a YHA type hostel, my next house sitting job starts in two days.

One thing keeping me away from the system is that the first time I was in this situation, as a young person, I was not what the system is used to. When I presented at a shelter they were sort of mocking me like, you know you don't need a booking here, right? The worker in the morning told me to call everyone I know and someone would probably come get me. She didn't want to give me the TB test and actually do intake with me.

I suppose I'm lucky in that I present as responsible & educated but the system seems alarmed whenever I'm in contact with them. They seem like they think I should be doing better than I am and why am I there.

I have lived in Canada, am a graduate of McGill University. I have encountered a lot of sort of mockery about "aren't you supposed to be smart" when I tell people what's been happening so I've been kind of hiding in plain sight. I was mortified by the thing with my church, someone gave me a bag with deodorant and an apple even though at that time, like now, I'd been staying at a hostel and had showered that day. And they introduced me to another homeless person which still seems like a very strange thing to do.

Thank you all for your insights I feel like you've given me a better perspective on the situation than what I have at the moment.

It might help to say what country you are living in now op. UK? Canada? US? Then more tailored advice can be given. I'm sure there is an ocean of difference between the US and UK at the moment regarding housing support etc.

I agree that you seem focused on making friends when your priority should be a roof. I'm still friends with people now because we ended up in the same rental house , not the other way around.

@TheFastMentor

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If you're in the UK there are still live-in housekeeper type jobs advertised in The Lady magazine