Financial advisor - moving in with partner

[dontbeabsurd]

I’m considering moving in with partner. We both have own mortgaged properties but for various reasons cannot live together in one of them. Partner suggested selling both houses up and buying a property together but I have my reservations about it. How do I find a financial advisor specialising in such issues?

You can find a financial adviser at unbiased.co.uk but you should do your own research too. Have a look at the Meaningful Money Facebook page and podcast for starters.

How long have you been with your partner? Do you have plans to marry? Have children? What are the two house values? What mortgage(s) are left? Will a new house be 50/50? What then happens if you have children? Etc etc

Personally I'd never get rid of a property I owned and pool resources with anyone else. But I'm old and cynical these days. If you're young and can see a future with your partner then go for it but you need lots of open conversations before you do that. You both need to be 100% on the same page. And from your op, I'm not sure you are..

What are your thoughts on marriage?

We are in our 50s. Adult children - mine living independently, partner’s not yet. I’ve got more mortgage left on my property than he has. He earns significantly more than I do and has much more in savings. He has a few more years left till retirement, I’m twice as far as he is from that moment. If I sell up mine and living together will not work out I worry I’d be left in a very vulnerable financial position.

I’d like to get married; happy to sign up a pre nup. He’s not keen due to potential financial implications of divorce for him.

You're 50? Absolutely not a chance in hell that I'd give up my property. No way. You need to find an alternative solution..

I absolutely would not be selling my only asset in your situation, especially if marriage is not something he's prepared to commit to.

He's being financially savvy on that front and it means you're the one who is exposed to loss.

@AddictedtoCrunchies thats my thoughts. I’d be ok to rent out my property and obviously contribute towards a place where we’d live together but I cannot afford to sell it - it’s my security blanket in case things go wrong. I worked hard to get where I am.

You are right to seek advice. I'd be inclined to find a solicitor who can advise you on how to ringfence and protect your financial interests. There are a lot of things to take into account so ideally, you and he would agree between you what you think makes sense and protects both of you and then you'd hire a solicitor to make all of it formal and enforceable.

I don't think it's a huge issue to buy together, if you'r eboth happy with that. BUT you need to hvae it clearly spelled out how you get your share (plus appreciation) out in the case of a break up, how costs are split on an ongoing basis and what happens in the case of death.

Yes. Keep that attitude. You can be in a relationship and still maintain your financial independence. Focus on your own situation and how you can improve it. Good luck!

I would never give up a property I own to move in with someone...... that's your insurance in case the relationship goes wrong and you split up-

We both got burnt in the past (both divorced with obvious financial implications) but for me selling up would have to mean increased financial security, not putting myself in a more vulnerable position. I don’t doubt his commitment to the relationship but I know he can look after his finances well, so I need to do the same.

If I wouldn't marry a man, I certainly wouldn't move in with him. Surely the point of living with someone is like a kind of "trial marriage" to see if you are compatible.

Or do you have another point to living with each other? Like financial? Seems a bit of a cold and heartless decision to move in with someone just for money.

Stay as you are!

I want to live together because that’s the kind of relationship I want: marriage and commitment to each other, and creating a home together. I can look after myself financially so I don’t need his money.
He wants to live together, too, but he’s more savvy with finances. Life has taught me that love is not enough, so this time I’m just looking after myself.

You don't need a solicitor when you can trust your gut. Don't give up your house for anything. You simply can't risk making yourself vulnerable now.

Do you want to live with his children? You've gone past that stage in your own life; do you really want to go through it again?

I think this is very sensible and also, if he doesn't understand that, especially after making the point that he doesn't want the financial risk that comes with divorce and that's why he won't marry you, then you have a very clearly articulated reason to think that he is not the man you thought he was.

But hopefully he WILL completely get it and you will get the advice and legal protections you need and all will be well.

I've been in your situation and am now married. I think you need to be really clear on goals and priorities, then need to ensure your own assets are protected.

We are getting to the stage where decisions have to be made to move the relationship forward. There are lots of positives and we both are committed to each other, but we differ in our outlooks on importance of marriage and how to manage finances. It’s worth working out if these differences are dealbreakers (which would be a shame) but sadly I cannot afford to romanticise my future.

You seem to be considering the problems if you happened to split up. But what safeguards are there for each other if one of you dies, where do the assets go? What would have to be sold?

@MounjaroUser I get on v well with his adult child but I don’t want to live with them. It would be a recipe for disaster; three is a crowd. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to move into his place.

@BellaBlythe thats why I believe I need solicitor’s advice. Before I propose a solution I need to have all the scenarios thought through.
It may sound like a very cold approach but it’s not even that I don’t trust my partner; I don’t trust my decision making and my knowledge at the moment. I tend to follow my heart only, to my own detriment.

but we differ in our outlooks on importance of marriage and how to manage finances.

this is worrying so it's good that you are seeking advice. Well done for being sensible and not just relying on goodwill and instinct.

Can I ask where you differ on managing finances? You might get some useful advice here that you can consider before discussing with a solicitor.

He’s a lovely, caring, generous partner overall but due to him losing out a lot through divorce he’s focused on securing his financial wellness first and foremost. This means putting a lot of money into his savings, pension pot etc. The idea is that even if he won’t be able to benefit from it (e x early death), his child will inherit it all. Which is fine on the surface but I cannot help but notice that there’s no concern about how I’d cope in case of a break up/death.
As a result, I am more aware of ring fencing my finances and making sure I will always be able to provide for myself and always have a place to live.

Yes. I think there are three main areas you have to consider and agree on in advance:

1. How will finances work day to day. Ensuring that tis fair/equitable based on preference, income etc
2. What happens in the case of a break up - how do you split finances/split assets and ensure that is fair and you are both equally benefiting from any appreciation in value.
3. What happens in the case of death. this would include short term and long term eg his share of the house goes to his children but you have the right to live there indefinitely or whatever.

Your DC have own the nest -his haven’t - if I’ve got that right you’re nuts!