Hello all. I am looking for advice please. Trying to cut a long story short. In 2019 my DSS was sent to live with us at age 12 as his Mum no longer wanted him, her boyfriend was violent to him and used drugs, but she wanted the boyfriend to stay and her son to go instead. He lived with us for 2 years and she had no contact and refused to pay maintenance. He eventually went to the CSA and she refused to deal with them and after the first year they said he could have £7 a week taken straight from her benefits which also took time
This was during lockdown and he had lost his Job and my hours got cut and we had to borrow money from my mum to survive. They in the meantime were hoovering up cocaine every day, as confirmed by the social worker. Fast forward to 2021 and she splits with the boyfriend and wants DSS back. The.boy, desperate for his mum's attention goes running back, which we understand. Unfortunately there was a lot of shit stirring from the mum and DSS didn't want anything to do with us anymore. He became so violent to us at one point we were placed under police protection. DH and DSS became estranged. His mum went to the CSA and DH paid maintenance, he always paid maintenance before DSS came to live with us.
DH met up with DSS in October 2023 after being estranged for 2 years and he had just left school. He had been kicked out of college for bad behaviour. His Mum had not told the CSA or anyone. DH carried on paying maintenance in the meantime while waiting to hear something but never did. The College would not speak to him to clarify when he left so he could not get any information from them, even though he has full Parental Responsibility. He spoke to the CSA and they said only the Mum could tell them he'd left college, which struck DH as a little unfair as he felt he was being taken for a ride., like his word didn't mean anything. So he stopped paying, he doesn't know where DSS lives as she left the area and he does not have a number for her and she blocked him on Facebook when he messaged asking for clarification. He has no number for DSS and they very seldom speak. DSS is very aggressive and now also using drugs.
So a year after DSS left college and has not been doing anything, not working nothing, DH is getting threats from the CSA that they will collect arrears directly from his wages. He is telling them till he's blue in the face that DSS is not in Education and is collecting Child Benefit Fraudulently and they keep saying it has to be her that contacts them and tells them, not him. Which she has no intention of doing. This seems very unfair. We even called the Child Benefit Line and reported her but they don't know how long the investigation is going to take, and my DH is about 6 weeks away from having money taken out of his wages whilst she also still gets benefits for a 17 year old who hasn't been in education for a year. If he has just gone back in September, then nobody has informed DH and that is not his fault as nobody will bloody talk to him!. This is not about refusing to pay maintenance. As I said he has always paid, the child then lived with us for 2 years whilst she refused to pay us. He did start paying again after DSS went back to her but just felt he was having the piss taken out of him as DSS wasn't in education. We really don't know where to turn as we don't know if the Child Benefit Fraud investigators will communicate with the CSA. Of DSS wants anything, DH will help him out. He doesn't want to give him cash because it will go on drugs. But he said if he is at college, he'll pay for a bus pass, but equipment etc. He wants to help by buying things that help rather than give cash or give it to the Mum who claiming fraudulently.
Sorry it's so long. We don't know where to turn.