This is a shit position isn’t it…

[Itgetsharder]

Nearly 40…
Going through a separation -2DC
Earning Nearly 42k- increases every year- also A LOT of scope to increase (which is great as it’s the only positive thing I can think of!)
Waiting on ex dh to sell family home or buy me out so I can buy a place (if I can at all) - so I’m stuck renting right now.
savings of 23k
pension is shit- approx 18k in a private pension with current workplace as only been there 4 years.
I have an old pension of approx 1.5k per year
state pension- no idea as I have lived in two separate countries and stayed home with dc for 6yrs
Ex’s pensions are equally not great- I don’t want his. Just want to ficus on building my own!
I this an awful position…most days I feel like it is 😭

Not that bad. You have plenty of time to make up pension contributions - at least 28 years, and for state pension you need 35 years NI contributions, and can make contributions to make up the difference

It really, really isn't a shit position, you're just wrangling with alot of unknowns at the moment, mainly how and when the house sale will land, and going through a divorce!

You have savings, you have a solid plan for a home, and to be perfectly frank not everyone gets to the point of cashing in their pension.

If anything, you get a massive congratulations from me, raising kids across countries sounds like a fantastic life to live and then to go to a very solid job is amazing.

@Timeforabiscuit 😭😭 thank you for your kind words
@BrightLightTonight time to hunker down and pay in as much as I can! Thank you

Is that your share of the marital savings? How much will you get from the house sale? Don't write off getting so e of his pension if you are entitled to it eg you did more of the childcare which allowed him to work full time and build up a bigger pot.

But anyway, even as you present it I honestly think that is probably above average for a single person your age. You've good earnings ahead of you and plenty of time to build up the pension.

How old are the DC and will care be shared? Make sure he's paying his share and contributing to uni fund if you do that.

I’m guessing somewhere between 100-150k from the house etc.
I really couldn’t be bothered with the pension stuff…it’s not a lot either I don’t think.
the 22k is what’s left of saving I had in my account (marital saving yes!) but I’ve been dipping into them a lot as I don’t get any set maintenance from ex dh…he says to tell him/ask him when I need some but I find that quite hard! I’m sure that will get sorted in the separation/divorce.
we have DC 50:50
There is money in an account for dc for uni. It’s one thing I don’t worry massively about to be honest.

Really not shit.

@Timeforabiscuit i want to thank you again, your words have taken me out of my spiral, I’m triggered a lot by unknowns and feeling out of control. That’s exactly why I feel this way. I have to relax and realise that this will one day all be sorted. Thank you.

Glad I could help, you've really wisely got a good rainy day fund, and it's started drizzling.

@Itgetsharder You really, really aren't in a shit place. You are just struggling with a relationship breakdown and perfectly understandable worries about how things are going to work out. You will be in a much better place once the ex-family home has been sold and you know where you are.

You have nearly 25 - 30 years to build up your own pension, you have an income and some savings. Plus a reasonable amount to come from the house sale.

It is naturally, a worry, but it will stabilise and it does sound like you will be ok once the dust has settled

It’s completely fine.

Why put money aside for uni for your DC? They’ll get a loan. That seems unnecessary to me.

If you've already moved out, go to CMS for maintenance now.

I’m not adding to it. It was saved from before the marriage breakdown and most of which from GP’s.

@Silvers11 thank you. Yes once it’s sorted I should be ok. I’m longing for a home to call my own. I’ll get there eventually.

I was in a similar position. I had a better pension but ex took just under 50% of it.
I bought the family home as it was relatively new and didn't have any memories between us.
I found it was easier to focus on the future once the divorce and house was finalised.
You'll get there, it just takes time.

You’ll still need to pay their rent or top it up

This is very true. Also I’m not in the UK so a loan is not how it works. It would be a grant (if they are entitled) but it still stands that I would need to pay for accommodation unless they go to the local uni. Which would be possible depending on the course they choose.

No, they can get a maintenance loan.

We are not in England (in Ireland) so that’s not how it works here.

EDITED TO SAY - just read you are in Ireland so not sure if any of this info is relevant to you but will leave up just in case it's similar in any way there!

It's worth looking up the status of your state pension contributions. It's surprisingly easy to do - Martin Lewis covers it frequently and you can find info on his website to ensure the records show you are due everything you should be.

I'm pretty sure if you could have claimed child allowance (whether or not you need to repay it for tax purposes) your NI contributions don't need to be paid mums who stay at home aren't penalised.

Worth double checking your record is up to date as the option to backdate missing years changes in April 2025. Loads of info online = just needs a bit of patience to work it through.

@GoodOnPaper thank you. We did live in England prior to here so it still applies…it’s just messy though.