It's true to say that I've never really been great with money. Too many cards and catalogues, can't resist a bargain, useless filing system, always seem to forget to pay stuff off on time, live with constant overdraft, no savings, never earned much money (max earnings were £20,000 a year when working full time). And I have never asked anyone to bail me out EVER.
When I was working before kiddies it was OK: just myself to worry about so could live on baked beans if need be and generally always managed to pay off minimum balances (though sometimes by the skin of my teeth!).
But since kiddies things have got a bit scary. Back in 2005 things reached a head when finally all my minimum balances added up to more than my part time income of £320 a month.
I managed for a while by subbing it with housekeeping money, but this didn't help for long. So I contacted all of the bigger creditors and negotiated payment plans, froze the interest and subsequently received defaults from them all on my credit file (more about that later!).
Since then life in financial terms has been dire to say the least. I have no money for treats, presents, impulses or anything surplus to day to day needs. I can't even by my kiddies a comic each when they ask. I do not have a credit card: which presents problems sometimes with people thinking it is odd not to have one. My main bank account doesn't have a cheque guarantee card and is only Electron debit which isn't accepted everywhere.
I feel like a second class citizen. I am constantly wracked with guilt over the whole thing. When things were at their worst back in 2005 I 'borrowed' £400 from my daughter's bank account. Which I have not managed to put back. Feel TERRIBLE about this (it is that action which finally forced me to own up to the creditors).
My husband has been unaware of the exact scale of the problem (all of the debts are in my name only). He's a real worrier and I feel he could not cope with the details and I regard it as my problem for me to sort out myself. But when I was pregnant with my second child our mortgage came up for renewal and he started to get quotes.
Of course what happened was we found we could not take advantage of any new deals with other banks: due to my poor credit history (the defaults from 2005) and our joint association. This led to a huge amount of stress, worry, arguing and heartache. I sort of owned up, but played down the debt figures somewhat (it was £22,000 total and I said it was £5000).
So late last year we decided to try to sell our house and buy something in a slightly cheaper area: to free up some money and reduce the mortgage amount so he can apply for it in his name only. But this has failed miserably because the market is so appaling. Nobody wants to buy our house... and I don't really want to move anyway.
I am now trying to find a way of making more money (hard with two under 5 and no childcare available). Am considering childminding and direct selling.
Anyway... that's the end of my tale. Anyone else in the same boat?